What They Lost in the War
by StrangelyAverage
Summary: Antonio, Gilbert and Francis left for the war 5 years ago but only two returned. The families of the three must deal with what they lost but the veterans themselves have to go through everyday life armed with new difficulties. Relationships are broken but new ones are made. The two veterans will find that family will come through when everything else seems lost in hopelessness.
1. Coming Home

**First off, thank you for clicking on this. Second off there are a few characters I gave human names to because they don't have official names yet. Abel is Netherlands. Belle is Belgium. Sadik is Turkey. Those are just the one's in this part. There are also a few families I made which aren't too far off the canon ones. Francis, Antonio, Feliciano and Lovino are all brothers. Abel and Belle are brother and sister. Alfred and Matthew are younger brothers of Arthur's. Gilbert, Ludwig and Roderich are also brothers and Germania(who may or may not be in the story) is their father. **

* * *

Antonio was jolted awake when the pilot said "Everybody please put on your seatbelts, we are landing in approximately five minutes."

Antonio was glad he was woken up, his short dream didn't seem like it was going to end well. He sat up in his seat and strapped on his seat belt, clutching the pillow he was given tightly. He heard the cock of a gun and he spun around, looking wildly for the source of the sound. His friend, Gilbert who was sitting next to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "Antonio, it's not real." he said calmly, even though he didn't know what the man heard.

"But…what if it is? What if someone is going to attack?" he asked in a protective tone and kept looking back. Gilbert sighed and rubbed his shoulder, "We're almost home, just calm down. We've waited for how long to come back?" Gilbert asked, trying to keep his friend's mind on another subject.

"Um…five years…Right?" he asked. Gilbert smiled and nodded. "Who are you most excited about seeing again?" he asked. Antonio answered almost immediately with "Lovino for sure. He was in high school when I left. I wonder how he's grown. Dios mío I remember the last note he sent me. He was talking about how his graduation was coming up. But I missed it. I didn't get to see him at a huge milestone at becoming an adult."

"Well I bet you guys can catch up when we land. I left behind my little bruder. He had just gotten into high school the year I left so he graduated last year. He's been writing to me every month since then." Gilbert said, "He's so awesome, not as awesome as me though. You remember Ludwig right?"

"Yes, Ludwig was a nice boy. He was a little scrawny when he was younger and the last time I saw him he had seemed so sad. Knowing you were leaving and all. Lovino thought I was kidding when I said we were going to war but once he took me seriously he broke out crying." Antonio said and closed his eyes, as if it would help him remember more.

The plane touched down a little roughly and slowed down quickly on the run way it landed on. Antonio snapped his eyes open to a familiar sight. There were armed soldier in uniform lining the walls of the large plane. A commander was pacing up and down the narrow hall between his men as he gave orders. He was shouting but all Antonio could hear was the blood rushing to his head. This couldn't be happening again. He didn't want to go back into battle. He was supposed to go home. The war wasn't over but Antonio was done. He served his time on the field and he was coming home with his other two friends. Gilbert and….Francis was gone.

Gilbert looked over to his friend and frowned. "No no no no no no no no no no." Antonio was mumbling under his breath. Gilbert shook him and said "Antonio…Antonio stop it. We aren't going into another fight. C'mon man, the plane stopped. We have to get off-" When Antonio heard those words and struggled against imaginary restraints and shouted "No! I don't want to get off!" Gilbert slapped him hard and he opened his eyes.

"Antonio, we're here." Gilbert said with a smile. Antonio looked around and found that he was still on the passenger plane. Not a military plane. He noticed that almost everyone else was already filing out of the plane. He got up and helped his friend get out of his seat. Antonio handed the carry-ons to Gilbert and took the last of the stuff himself. They walked out of the plane as if nothing had happened.

The last time Antonio had stepped in his home country, he was a completely happy man. He had as many responsibilities as any other man but he was a carefree individual. He did it mostly because Lovino needed an upbeat person in his life. The thought of Lovino made him smile. His daydreams ended when he heard Gilbert stumble behind him. He turned around and saw the albino struggling with his bag. Antonio took it without asking and smiled again. "Careful Gilbert." The albino smirked and said, "It's not my fault this damn thing doesn't work normally." He gestured down to his prosthetic leg which didn't look like a leg at all. From the mid-thight down was a skinny contraption that allowed him to walk and run almost normally. Almost.

The young veterans got off the plane and walked over to the luggage retrieval area. They were almost instantly greeted with warm open hugs and happy tears. Antonio was almost tackled to the ground by Feliciano who was crying hysterically. "Big brother! I'm so glad you've come home safe. We've missed you so much!" he cried and looked up to Antonio. He glanced down and smiled sadly at the young boy. "I've missed you too Feli." Antonio gave him a kiss on the head and Feliciano went to greet Gilbert.

Antonio looked up and saw Lovino standing in the background. He had already gotten his luggage and was waiting for something. Antonio sighed happily; Lovino wasn't always the most up front about his feelings. He approached his younger brother and ruffled his hair, "I've missed you." Lovino was already trembling as he tried to keep in tears but they easily spilled over this eyelids. Antonio brought him into a hug, one of the first the boy never resisted, and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Lovino returned the gesture and hugged him back in a nearly death-grip.

"I was so fucking worried about you. I missed you." he mumbled into Antonio's shoulder. "You've grown Lovi. You used to be at my chest but now you're at my shoulder. I guess you're a man now huh?" Antonio said with his own tears streaking down his face.

Gilbert was laughing as Feliciano squeezed him in a tight hug. The boy then lead him to Ludwig who was awkwardly shifting from foot to foot, not exactly looking Gilbert in the eyes. Gilbert started crying before Ludwig did. Ludwig came over and said "W-What's wrong Gilbert. D-Don't cry."

"I'm not cryin' because of whatever reason you're thinking of. I'm crying 'cuz now your taller and bigger than me. Look at those muscles man! Not even I had some like that." Gilbert said, bearing a smile through the tears. Ludwig hugged his older brother tightly and even let a tear out. He wasn't usually the one to be very emotional, whether positive or negative, but he did know his brother the best.

Gilbert pushed his brother away softly but Ludwig got the idea and moved away on his own. "Let me get a good look at you big guy." Gilbert said and wiped his tears. He studied his brother, noting he was definitely taller. He was in his first year of being an official adult but he already looked like he was twenty one. "My God, you're catching up to me in awesomeness! I love you Ludwig!" he shouted like a child. Ludwig blushed as people started to stare.

Gilbert's younger brother also noticed the prosthetic leg. He frowned a bit when he saw it. Gilbert noticed him staring and shifted uncomfortably. "Ludwig, it's no big deal. It's been gone for over a year. I'm fine. It doesn't hurt anymore." Ludwig nodded and quietly picked up his brother's bag.

Once Lovino and Antonio were done hugging it out, Arthur came up to them. The young man with bushy eyebrows wasn't related to anyone here but he knew all of them. He looked Antonio in the eyes and said "Glad you're home Antonio." Antonio smiled at the guy he hated for a few years before his departure. "I-I'm sure that if Francis was still here he would be crushing you in the biggest hug ever. Like this." Antonio said and wrapped his strong arms around the young man. Arthur kept back his tears as long as he could. He had done enough crying when he figured out his boyfriend had died; he didn't want to cry again. Feliciano joined in the hug, along with Gilbert and Ludwig who was dragged along. Antonio looked over his shoulder and nodded at Lovino, who reluctantly came into the group hug. They stayed that way until someone came by and wanted to ask a question.

Ludwig was the one to approach her. She asked, "Are any of you returned veterans?" Ludwig motioned over to Gilbert and Antonio. She approached them suddenly before Ludwig could stop her. She handed Antonio and Gilbert a box before giving them a smile and saying "Thank you for serving our country with pride." She ran off before either of them could thank her.

"What the hell was that all about?" Lovino asked and crossed his arms. Gilbert ripped open his gift and said "Look! It's a…what is this?" He dropped the box and there was a long piece of sewn fabric.

"I think it's a scarf." Ludwig said. Gilbert beamed at it and wrapped it around his neck. His was black and white while Antonio's was red and yellow.

"I think they're home made." Antonio said, not finding a tag on it. That just makes the gift even more special. "I guess we should get going huh Ludwig?" Gilbert asked his brother.

"Actually we were all going to leave together and go somewhere together." Arthur said and rubbed the back of his head nervously. Feliciano clapped his hands and said "Yeah! We're all going to-" Ludwig stopped him by placing a hand over his mouth. "Yes, we're all going together. We should go now."

Ludwig and Lovino loaded the back of the large car. Arthur came in his own car and had already set off to their destination. Ludwig then got into the front seat with Gilbert in the passenger next to him. Antonio sat in the middle with Lovino next to him and Feliciano sitting behind him in the last row of seats.

"Where are we going?" Gilbert asked excitedly.

"It's a surprise." Lovino replied. He glanced over to this right to see Antonio staring at him. "What're you staring at?"

"My little brother being cute as ever." Antonio replied with a dreamy smile. Lovino turned red and rolled his eyes. "I-I'm in my twenties, I'm not cute anymore." he said. Antonio shrugged and kept on staring.

"How are Eliza and Roddy?" Gilbert asked at a stop light.

"Good. Eliza's pregnant." Ludwig said a bit frankly and pushed the gas pedal as the light flashed green.

Gilbert's jaw dropped before he shouted "She's having a kid! And you haven't told me in the letters you've been sending?!" His sudden volume change made everyone in the car wince. Ludwig's hand twitched as he kept the car in control. "Not so loud brother. But I didn't find out until a week after the last note I sent. Sorry." Ludwig said.

"Wait, why wasn't Roderich here with you Ludwig? He's Gilbert's brother too." Antonio asked. Gilbert thought about it and chimed in "Yeah why didn't that jerk come to greet me?"

"He's waiting for us at the place." Ludwig said vaguely and went quiet for the rest of the car ride. It was awkward in the car from that point on. Antonio and Feliciano started a random conversation, almost leaving out Lovino until Antonio asked him a question.

Within two hours, they were far from the airport and at the large house Ludwig's father had left to his sons. Roderich had moved out and with Elizabeta when they got married but Gilbert and Ludwig took care of the house. They all got out and left the luggage in the car. Ludwig reached for his brother's arm but Gilbert withdrew his arm. "I can do this myself Ludwig, thanks." he said and bit defensively. Ludwig understood and went to unlock the gate.

* * *

Arthur rushed around inside making sure everything was perfect. All the friends and family of Antonio and Gilbert had arrived thanks to Arthur's great last minute planning. "Alfred, put the confetti cannon away! I hear them pulling up." Arthur shouted and pointed at his younger brother. Alfred frowned and asked "Why? They'll love confetti."

"One, it'll make a mess and two, you'll freak them out. Especially Antonio." Arthur said and grabbed the small cylinder from him. "Aw…But they're grown men, they'll know the difference between this and gun."

"Alfred, I said no. Antonio has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We're trying to greet him back not send him into the war again." Arthur said and put the confetti cannon in the closet. Alfred sighed and went to find a place to hide. As the door's lock clicked, Arthur hid in the closet so he could surprise them. He had thought about the "hiding in the closet" jokes people made about him when he was younger. Coming out of that closet is what allowed him to find his love, Francis. Though he may be gone, their relationship was true.

They walked in and Gilbert shouted "I wonder why there are so many cars lining this desolate street! Someone must be having a party!" At that moment Feliciano turned on the lights and everyone jumped out and yelled "Welcome back!" Gilbert laughed loudly and ran into more welcoming hugs and embraces. Ludwig went to join them. Lovino looked back over his shoulder and saw Antonio cowering towards the door.

"Antonio, it's all of our friends…your friends. C'mon they've missed you." Lovino said and walked towards him.

"Yeah…friends, not soldiers, not an ambush." Antonio muttered under his breath

"What?" Lovino asked, not hearing what he said. Antonio shook his head and turned his frown into a cheery smile as he followed his younger brother into the living room. Elizabeta and Roderich were talking with Gilbert.

"You don't look pregnant." Gilbert said and stared at her stomach. If he wasn't gone for the last 5 years, she would've hit him at that moment. Instead she giggled and said "That's because I'm just over a month pregnant."

"Hey Roddy, good job man. Told you our father had some good genes." Gilbert said and put an arm around his younger brother. Roderich was only a year younger than the albino and he actually looked a bit older.

"Yes, yes that's good and all. Where's Antonio? H-He came with you right?" Roderich asked after hugging his brother for a good minute.

"He's around here somewhere I bet. Anyways, I have some totally awesome stories to tell you guys!" Gilbert said and went on to tell them about the moment he was told he was going home.

"Hello Antonio..um…Glad you've made it back safe. Thanks for everything you've um…done." Abel said unsurely. They hadn't liked each other for a while though Lovino and Bella were best friends since grade school. Antonio was only a year older than Abel while their siblings were the same age. Then there was Feliciano who was a two years younger than them.

"Ah, thank you so much Abel. It means a lot coming from you. How is Belle?" Antonio asked.

"She's with Lovino over there. She was getting some food a second ago. They have a bunch of tomato based dishes for you." Abel said with a scrunched nose. The blond man never liked tomatoes much.

"H-Hey…Are Lovi and Belle holding hands?" Antonio asked and looked at them. Lovino's face was red but he was actually holding a girl's hand. They had no idea who was watching them.

"Yeah that's normal Antonio." Abel said and sighed.

"What do you mean?" Antonio asked, not understanding.

"They've been dating for the last year." Abel said, "Didn't you know that?"

"No! Lovino didn't tell me that!" Antonio said and ran over to his little brother. He crushed him in a hug from behind and said "You're getting so big Lovi! You even have a girlfriend!"

"Gah! Get off Antonio, you're crushing me." Lovino said, letting his hand slip out of Belle's. She smiled and gave Antonio a hug once he freed Lovino.

"I'm so glad you've come back safely Antonio. You're such a great guy, sacrificing yourself to help end the war!" she said and squealed with excitement. Antonio laughed and patted her head, knowing Abel was watching and wouldn't like it if he hugged her back.

"Thanks Belle, you've grown a lot too. You're becoming a beautiful young woman." Antonio said. She laughed and took a step back. She grabbed Lovino's hand and said "Thanks Antonio. Was Abel nice to you?" Antonio glanced over his shoulder at the man then turned back and replied "Yes, very nice. He's taller than me now! I feel like….like I've missed a lot of important stuff."

"Then go talk to everyone else and get caught up." Lovino said as nicely as he could. He saw Antonio frown a little then sigh. Lovino gave his brother the brightest smile he could and said "Go on Antonio, everyone misses you."

Antonio walked back into the center of the living room and found Arthur. "Hey, Arthur did you put this together?"

"Y-Yes but that's not what matters. It matter that Gilbert and you are back despite everything you've been through. I have to say….Thank you for trying to save Francis back there. Thank you for not abandoning him when it would've been easier to advance without him. I don't think Francis could've had a better brother." Arthur said. It seemed like he had a lot on his mind.

Antonio smiled and said "He was my big brother. I had to do what I could for him. It's just…I'm sorry I didn't bring him back."

"Hey guys, why such the sad faces?" Alfred said and handed Arthur a cup of punch. He looked up at Antonio and smiled widely. Antonio was surprised. Alfred took after his brother and apparently didn't like Antonio for the longest time. He was no longer the rough and tumble kid from 5 years ago, he was a young teen who finally took time to comb his hair for an event like this. "Hi Antonio" he said.

"Hey kid." Antonio said, not really knowing what else to say.

"Alfred, be a gentleman and get him some punch too." Arthur said and softly nudged his brother. Alfred pouted and replied "I'll get him a drink 'cuz it's his party not because I'm a gentleman." The boy squeezed through people to get back to the food table.

"He's getting tall." Antonio pointed out. Arthur nodded and chuckled a bit, "He's getting more difficult too."

"Don't you have another brother? Matthew?" Antonio asked.

"Yes, he loved Francis as well. Whenever I had to babysit my brothers Francis would come over to help. Since Alfred was more of a handful I would watch him more than Mattie. So Francis did what he good at, being a big brother. I think Mattie was almost as upset as me. He should be around here somewhere now that I think about it. " Arthur said.

Alfred came back with a cup full of red punch and handed it to Antonio. He smiled and took the cup graciously, "Thank you Alfred." Before taking a sip, he looked down at the drink. He noticed it was very dark red. He couldn't see the bottom of the cup because it just wasn't clear. He must've stared at it longer than he thought because Alfred gently pulled on his sleeve and said "A-Antonio. What's wrong with the punch?"

Antonio shook his head and forced himself to drink it to satisfy the boy. "Nothing, I just haven't had something so sweet in a while." he lied and plastered another fake smile to his face. Alfred giggled before running off to get more food.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked once the boy was out of earshot.

"I said it was nothing." Antonio said.

"If anything happens, just…talk to someone. We all understand." Arthur said. Antonio grimaced and said "I-I'm not stupid and I'm not a child. I can take care of myself. I fought in a war I'm not helpless."

Arthur's bushy eyebrows raised in surprise. "I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." Antonio sighed and replied "I know."

"Yo Antonio, what're you doing with that? You need a real drink." Sadık said and switched Antonio's plastic cup with a cold bottle of beer. Gilbert had overheard what he said and came in to stop him. Antonio was staring at the beer almost as strangely as he was looking at the punch just a few moments ago.

"He can't drink." Gilbert said and took the beer away from Antonio, who failed to even reach for it.

"Why not? You're drinking and it's his party too." Sadık said. Arthur tapped on his shoulder and whispered something into his ear. The darker man nodded and apologized for being so indecent.

"Sorry Antonio. The doctor said not to let you drink. It'd be a shame if you'd get addicted." Gilbert said.

Antonio kept his grimace on his face and said "He also said that I can have only one every day. I'm not going to drink later anyways." He grabbed the bottle out of Gilbert's hand. Gilbert smirked and said "Damn, I was hoping you would've forgotten. Anyways, why don't you party a little bit? I guess one beer will make you a bit more fun huh?"

* * *

Both of them limited their beer to one for the party. Gilbert didn't want to let Antonio feel left out so he decided to lay back on the alcohol. Everyone started to enjoy the party and sway to the music playing. It wasn't required but it was suggested that people bring gifts for Gilbert and Antonio to celebrate them coming home. They were all piled in the corner somewhat neatly by Feliciano.

"Wow, do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Antonio asked Elizabeta. She smiled and said "It hasn't even been two months yet. We won't know for a while."

"Oh…What do you want to name him or her?" Antonio asked Roderich. "I wanted to name the girl after one of Beethoven's greatest works but she said that was impractical." he replied and pointed at his wife. Elizabeta laughed and said " That's because no one uses those names and won't even understand the reference. I was thinking if it was a girl we'd name it after my grandmother. If it was a boy maybe after my grandfather."

"But then I don't like that names Esther or Gustav." Roderich said and crossed his arms.

"Well you do have seven months to think about it." Antonio said with a bright smile. Roderich smirked and said "I suppose so."

Alfred ran out with the confetti cannon Arthur had taken away from him earlier. He was laughing joyously and shouted "Watch out!" He was next to Belle and Abel when he shot off the cannon randomly. Belle shrieked in happy surprise but Abel put his arms around her protectively.

Antonio's smiled faded away slowly and his body tensed up. He dropped the empty cup in his hand and blankly stared at the floor. If you looked closely you could see his arms trembling. In his mind there was a barrage of disturbing noises of women screaming and guns going off. Arthur who had started shouting at Alfred turned into soldiers shouting at each other to move forward. Antonio no longer heard the cheerful music or the chatter of everyone around him. Instead he heard the moans of dying men and shouts of unknown humans.

Gilbert had winced at the noise, not liking how close it sounded to a weapon. Then he remembered about Antonio. He turned around and looked for Antonio. But he didn't see him. He awkwardly left his conversation with Ludwig to find him. He maneuvered around a couple people with difficulty even though they moved out of the way for him.

"Antonio? What are you staring at?" Elizabeta asked and waved her hand in front of his face. Gilbert came up to him and started to massage his shoulders. He frowned when he noticed how tense and hard they were. He must've been straining himself as much as possible. Ever since Gilbert was healthy, he was unofficially set to watch over Antonio at the base they were stationed at.

"He'll be fine. I just need to sit him down." Gilbert said and brought him to the kitchen which was just about empty, except for Lovino who was washing his hands. He turned to Antonio and rushed up to him. Gilbert sat him down then sat in the chair Lovino pulled up for him.

"It's not real." Lovino said. He had taken classes on how to deal with someone with PTSD so he knew how to help his older brother. Antonio had always been there when he was younger, this had to be the one thing Lovino would do for him.

"I know." Antonio mumbled, still looking down.

"You're in Gilbert's and Ludwig's house." Lovino said.

"Okay." Antonio said.

"You're safe." Lovino whispered.

"Am I?" Antonio asked so only Gilbert could hear.

"Of course you are. This house is made to withstand earthquakes and minor fires!" Gilbert exclaimed with a smile.

"He's right. Gil knows every inch of this house. Don't worry, big brother Francis will always be here to protect you." Francis said.

Antonio spun around suddenly, tipping over his chair. He swore he heard Francis on the other side of the table, but there was no one there.

"Shit." Lovino hissed as he helped Antonio up. Whatever happened seemed to snap him out of his trance for a second but now he was staring at the empty chair across the table.

"Are you okay Antonio? What happened?" Gilbert asked.

"I thought I heard Francis." Antonio said.

"He's gone Antonio. Look, I miss him too. It's okay. Have you had your medicine today? Lovino asked. Antonio scratched his head as he thought and replied "I don't think so." Lovino groaned and replied "They sent me a bottle but I left it at home. I thought you would've taken one already. Are you okay? Do you want to stay for the rest of the party?"

Antonio nodded, "Yeah, I just want to sit down a little longer." Lovino picked up his chair then left the room to give him some privacy. He passed by the room where people put down their bags and coats and heard Arthur shouting.

"What did I tell you about shooting that thing!?" Arthur asked Alfred. The boy flinched and noted that his brother's ears were turning red. He must've been really mad.

"Not to because it would scare Gilbert and Antonio." he mumbled.

"Then why did you do it?" Arthur asked.

"Because I thought they just needed to lighten up! It's no big deal. Gilbert seemed fine-" Alfred started until Arthur interrupted him. "But Antonio! He's sensitive to that kind of stuff Alfred. They just came back from a war for God's sake. His own brother died! He watched his brother die! I would probably be the same if I saw Francis die! How would you react if I was dying in front of you? Alfred, you're old enough to be considerate." he said.

"Well sorry! I didn't mean to make Antonio mad." Alfred said with tears forming in his eyes.

"If you're really sorry I suggest telling Antonio and Gilbert that." Arthur said and walked out of the bed room. He slammed the door behind him, causing Alfred to yelp. The boy sighed and layed back on the jackets. "I didn't think it was that bad." he thought to himself.

Alfred sat up and made his way to the kitchen. He saw Gilbert cheerfully chatting with Antonio and Feliciano. Feliciano was tying ponytails into Antonio's hair. Alfred thought Antonio looked a bit distracted. "Maybe he's remembering the war stuff." Alfred thought to himself before approaching them.

"Hey there Alfred. What's up?" Gilbert asked. Alfred was taken aback by his kindness. He cleared his throat and said "I wanted to come and say sorry."

"Hmm? For what?" Antonio asked.

"For shooting the confetti cannon and bothering you guys. I didn't mean to make you guys upset. E-Especially you Antonio. I'm sorry." he said, about to cry. He was already around 12 years old and never seemed to apologize before. At first Antonio thought Arthur forced him to apologize, but if he did, he'd be here watching him.

"Ah, no problem kid." Gilbert said a bit nervously. He looked to Antonio and waited for him to react. When Antonio got up, Feliciano took a step back, thinking he was going to do something violent. Instead he knelt down to Alfred and hugged him. The boy in his arms flinched like he was about to be kicked, then tensed up when wrapped into a hug. He wasn't used to having such a big person hugging him. It reminded him of his father's hugs. Suddenly Alfred was overcome by emotions and he started crying into Antonio's shirt.

Lovino, and his super-protective-hearing, heard the whimpers coming from the kitchen and said "Antonio, are you- Oh." First they all stood there in silence. Once Antonio stood up, Lovino pulled at his hair and said "What are these things? Feli why the hell did you do this."

"Ow, Lovi, that hurts." Antonio whined childishly. Lovino stopped and made sure this was acceptable. Of course it had to be! Antonio was a veteran not a doll. After undoing all of the small ponytails, Alfred had finally stopped crying. Antonio then took his hand and left the kitchen. Finding Arthur he said, "Arthur, I want to help you."

"You don't have to. I'm fine. Did Alfred apologize?" he asked and looked down at the boy with a red face. Alfred nodded and Antonio replied "I know your parents kicked you out and then depended on you to look after your siblings. Since you didn't want them to turn out horribly you took them in. Now that you're over eighteen you are pretty much the main adult in their life and you can support them."

"A-And why does this matter." Arthur stuttered.

"I want you to have Francis's….benefits." Antonio said, looking for the right words.

"I already used the few thousand for his funeral, I'll be fine. I have a job and-" Arthur started until Antonio repeated himself. "What about your family. You also have Feliciano and Lovino." he said.

"We'll be fine. I'm being compensated and paid for the next few months. Our grandfather left us quite a lot of money. He also left us his company which has a temporary president. He planned on Feliciano being the heir, though he is the youngest." Antonio said and didn't have to force a smile this time. He was doing something good for someone else and it made him feel better about everything in general.

"I don't know what to say Antonio. Thank you..thank you so much!" Arthur said, keeping in tears for the second time. And for the second time Antonio hugged him tightly this time Arthur hugged back.

* * *

"Bye! We had a great time. Take care Gilbert and Ludwig!" Elizabeta said and waved goodbye to them as she and her husband left the house. Ludwig closed the door and sighed. "Finally some peace and quiet." he said.

"Except for present time!" Gilbert shouted and threw a box at Ludwig. He caught the box but not before Gilbert was tearing into another on his lap. "Look! It's a giant beer cup! It can hold like a liter of shit!" Gilbert said and pretended to drink out of it.

"Read the card at least." Ludwig said. Gilbert opened the envelope and read it outloud "Dear Gilbert, Thanks for taking care of Antonio and Francis while away serving our country. There is no way we can repay you (for being such an awesome super hero) so here's something you can probably use on a daily basis. We're sure you'll like it. Sincerely (Love), Lovino and Feliciano."

"That's nice." Ludwig said and smiled. About an hour later, after Gilbert had opened all his gifts he loudly yawned and decided to go to bed.

"Do you need help?"Ludwig asked him as they approached the staircase. Gilbert looked back at him with a smile and said "Of course, I'm no totally helpless man. I'm too awesome to fail, remember?" When Gilbert faced the stairs again he gulped. He hadn't had to climb so many stairs before, but there was a first for everything. He made it up there just fine and looked back behind him to his protective younger brother.

"I'm fine Ludwig." he said a bit meanly. Ludwig sighed but walked away anyways. Gilbert went to his room and found it just as he had left it. Except for one thing, the giant card board box in the middle of the room. There were several holes in the top of it and a card attached to the side. Gilbert picked it up and read it.

**_To the greatest older brother anyone could ever dream of._**

**_Dear Gilbert,_**

**_ I can't thank you enough for the life you've given me since our father died. You have been the major person in my life to strive to be better. I strive to be like you someday. I want to be remembered for my valiant actions and awesomeness like you. You've taken care of me almost by yourself for the last few years and you sacrificed yourself to help support us. You've come back with one less leg because of how much you cared about me. _**

**_ When you left me five years ago, I was too young to understand. I was hurt and lonely. Eventually I realized you were doing this for me. That's when I knew I couldn't sit in Roderich's house and mope around. It was because of you I started doing better in school and got accepted to a decent college. I hope I can fulfill your expectations because you have exceeded everyone's._**

**_ Sincerely,_**

**_ Ludwig_**

Gilbert was in happy tears as he read this. He silently squealed in delight. No matter what Antonio said, Ludwig had to be the cutest little brother ever. He displayed the meaningful card on the dresser and went to open the box.

Inside was a small puppy wagging its tail. It had a blanket, potty training pad, food and water in it. It barked at Gilbert and he picked it up. It was definitely a German Sheppard. Before he got sentimental with the dog, the albino ran out of the room. His prosthetic leg wasn't really meant for running and he was advised not to but he did anyways. He ran into Ludwig's room and pounced on him.

"G-Gilbert, what are you doing!" he shouted in surprise and caught his brother.

"Thank you thank you thank you! You are so awesome! I love you Ludwig! You've fulfuilled my expectations the moment you were born and I realized it the first time Vati let me hold you! I love you so much don't ever change!" Gilbert said and covered his brother's head in kisses. Ludwig, who would usually be annoyed, chuckled and said "Thanks Gilbert. What do you want to name the dog?"

"It's a boy right?" Gilbert asked.

"Yes." Ludwig replied with a nod. Gilbert smiled and replied " Aero."

"Why Aero? I'd thought you'd choose something more…masculine." Ludwig pointed out.

"It is manly. Trust me, what I've seen made airplanes the most awesome, deadly things ever." Gilbert said in all seriousness. Ludwig was caught off guard by his sudden tone change but kept his surprise hidden. Instead he helped his brother set the dog's area up for the night.

* * *

Around the same time that night, Lovino was almost asleep. His room was in between Feliciano's and Francis's. Antonio's room was down the hall. They had kept the house their wealthy grandfather left behind. His master bedroom was left neat and was cleaned every so often.

Lovino would've been asleep a lot earlier if there wasn't a storm going on outside. The rain wasn't very hard by there was thunder rumbling across the overcast skies. There was one instance of lightning that flashed in his windows about ten minutes ago though.

Lovino was so close to going to sleep that he almost didn't want to get up when he heard sobs coming from down the hall. He got up and realized it was coming from Antonio's room. He pulled on a shirt and walked down the hall in nothing but that and his underwear. "Shit, its cold." he hissed to himself as a large gust of wind blew past him. He realized there weren't any open windows. He looked around him and noted he was in front of Francis's room. Lovino glared at the door sadly before continuing to Antonio's room. He skipped the courteous knock and walked in.

"Antonio…" he whispered. The room was dimly lit by moonlight seeping through the large window in the room. When Lovino got closer to the bed he didn't see Antonio, or his comforter. He followed the sobs and found Antonio curled up in the corner with the thick blanket wrapped around him. Lovino was almost afraid of touching him, worried he would freak out.

"Antonio, can you hear me?" Lovino asked. No response. He reached out to Antonio just before a roar of thunder rebounded in the air. Antonio's whole figure flinched and went quiet before he started crying again. Lovino had enough and pulled the blanket away from Antonio. His older brother cringed away from him and pressed himself against the wall, holding his head.

"No more…No more…I can't take it. Make it stop! No!" he started to shout. Lovino put a hand on his shoulder but was quickly pushed away. Antonio was a lot stronger than he remember when he was pushed onto his rear end. Lovino crawled up to Antonio and said "Antonio! Antonio calm down! You're safe!"

The man bit his lip and curled up into a tighter ball with his knees almost up to his head. Tears were clearly rolling down his tan cheeks and his hair was a mess. He sounded so helpless and sorrowful crying like that. Lovino had practiced for the moment but no amount of training could've prepared him for something like this.

"Antonio, please come back." Lovino mumbled underneath his breath. Antonio was trembling like a lost child but he wasn't begging for it to stop anymore. Lovino was worried he would be pushed away again but his concern for Antonio outweighed that. He leaned forward and got Antonio in a large hug.

"L-Lovino…T-The bombs." he stuttered as he covered his face.

"They aren't bombs. Just thunder. Thunder can't hurt you. Nothing here will hurt you. I'm here." Lovino whispered and hugged his brother tighter.

"Make them stop…make it better." Antonio mumbled.

"I can't make it stop but if you need me I'm here. Why don't you try going to bed. I'll be here." Lovino said and helped him up to his feet and sat him on the bed, shuddering at how blank he looked. He came back up to him with comforter as he laid back down. Lovino placed the blanket over him and said "I'll be sitting over here-"

"But I need you." Antonio said and buried his face in his pillow. Lovino sighed and was about to point out how awkward it would be if they slept in the same bed when he realized that might make Antonio feel worse. Instead he got into the bed and let Antonio cuddle him. It was really weird for two young men who were related to do together but if this is what Antonio needed to fall asleep, Lovino wouldn't mind. Another clap of thunder scared Antonio, causing him to cling to his younger brother.

"Antonio, try going to sleep." Lovino said and petted his hair. He let his older brother cry into his shirt for as long as he wanted. The last thing Antonio said before seemingly falling asleep was "Francis should've come home with us."

"I can't tell which of the three got out worse. Francis died, but he doesn't have to live with injuries all of his life. Gilbert was already born different from everyone else with his silver hair, pale skin and glowing red eyes. Now that most of his leg was gone, he would be stared at even more and be more out of place. Antonio looks totally normal fully dressed. When shirtless anyone can see the ravage scars ripped across the rigid terrain of his chest and back. Those scars were nothing compared to the ones etched in his mind. It took only two days for Antonio to lose his sanity. Antonio didn't lose his life or limbs; he lost his calm state of mind." Lovino thought to himself just as he fell asleep.

* * *

**Thank you for reading this to the end, I appreciate it immensely. Any and all reviews are welcome. Ask any questions you have if you please.**


	2. Don't Forget Him

**Some new characters are : Dimitr- Just some jerk Mr. Allender - Just some guy (Both of these characters are very minor. They will probably be mentioned again though) Feliks- Poland It may seem like Antonio is the only one finding his situation difficult but he's not the only one. I admit I focus on his struggles more than anyone else's, in this part I think so anyways. There's no Arthur in this part but he will appear in the next chapter. By the way, a shrink is another name for a therapist/ psychologist. **

* * *

Gilbert woke up to the sun shining in his face. It was raining pretty hard last night and the thunder didn't help one bit. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He was facing the closet mirror when he was about to get out of bed as if he had both of his legs. He supported himself on the nightstand and found the rubber sleeve he had to put over what was left of his leg. Gilbert slipped it on and looked for his prosthetic limb. It was right next to his bed last night. He peeked around the other side of the nightstand and found it. As he reached for it he lost his balance and fell past the night stand.

"Urk! Damn it." he hissed and picked himself up. He turned to sit on his back and grabbed his prosthetic leg. He strapped it on and struggled to stand up. It wasn't the best prosthetic leg money could buy, it was just the one the military gave him about a year ago.

Ludwig rushed in bit late and said "Are you okay bruder? Oh.." He helped Gilbert up but was pushed away. "I can do this myself Ludwig." he said in a raised voice.

"Gilbert, I know you've handled the worst possibly situations but sometime you're going to need help. Just know…that I'm willing to help you." Ludwig said in a hurt tone. He walked out despite his doubt that this brother was at his 100%.

Gilbert groaned and leaned back on his bed. "Great, I keep making Ludwig feel like shit when he tries helping me. I need to act better. This isn't an excuse to be a shit to my family." he grumbled to himself and stood up. He forgot he had to get dressed before putting on his leg but he was too lazy to take it off again. He maneuvered into his pants with difficulty but he didn't need help. He pulled a fresh t-shirt over his head and put on sneakers.

After brushing his messy hair he rushed downstairs. Ludwig was cooking something that smelled better than every single military made meal he had in the last five years. "Oh God is that what I think it is?" Gilbert asked as he entered the large kitchen.

"Depends." Ludwig said.

"A reverse hashbrown omelet?" Gilbert asked like a giddy child. Ludwig smirked and nodded. "Yesssss!" Gilbert cheered and went to sit at the table on the other side of the room. Within minutes his simple breakfast was served. He dug into the egg surrounded by a blanket of hashbrowns and immediately asked for seconds before he was done. Ludwig had already eaten and was more than glad to make breakfast for his brother.

* * *

That morning Antonio woke up with an indent in his bed next to him. He ran a hand through his wild hair and remembered last night events. He groaned and sat up. He stumbled over to the vanity in his room and stared at himself in the mirror. His face was red and his eyes a bit swollen. He wiped the dry streaks made on his face by tears and drool.

Antonio turned around and looked over his shoulder at his back. "Yeah, those scars are never healing." he mumbled to himself under his breath. He used to have perfect skin and a great body, now he was never sure if he'd take of his shirt in public again. In this sudden wave of self-consciousness he chose to wear a long sleeve shirt. He pulled on some loose jeans and walked down the hall in his slippers.

Only a few steps and he was in front of Francis's room. He looked at it longingly then continued on. His mind was relatively blank at the moment but he knew he wanted to find Lovino.

"He's downstairs." Francis whispered.

Antonio spun around and looked behind him. His eyes darted around as he tried finding his brother but was only greeted with a cold breeze. He shivered and stuck his hands in his pockets before going downstairs. "I must be going insane." he said to himself.

He heard a ruckus coming from the living room and the mumbling of several voices coming from the television in the room. He stopped at the arch leading to the door and rested his head against it. Lovino was watching a show about these buff, unshaven men repossessing vehicles from other unshaven men. Antonio just watched his little brother and smiled everytime he smirked at the idiots on the screen. At the commercial break Lovino sighed and got up, that's when he noticed Antonio.

"Oh…Antonio, sorry I didn't stay in bed with you. I just thought-" Lovino said nervously until Antonio forced a laugh. "Nothing's wrong Lovi. Everything is okay." he said.

"You sure?" Lovino asked, not wanting to say anything specific.

"I'm sure." Antonio said with a nod.

"Are you guys hungry? I made a bunch of French toast and eggs. I was even able to make fresh fruits from the little garden in the back" Feliciano asked in his usual chipper voice. Antonio smiled sadly and looked down. "Francis loved French toast." he thought to himself. Lovino noticed how Antonio seemed to be receding back into the dark recesses of his mind.

"C'mon Tonio, let's get breakfast." Lovino said in the happiest voice he could muster. Antonio looked up with surprise. Lovino used to call him Tonio when they were young but not at all since he turned twelve. He followed them to the beautiful dining room and they sat him down.

"We will be right back with the food for us. Don't do anything crazy." Feliciano said and received a smack on the head from Lovino. Antonio could hear the arguing until they entered the kitchen. He really wanted to know what they were talking about so he got up and tiptoed over to the kitchen. He hid behind the corner they would have to turn if they really wanted to find him.

"Don't do anything crazy? Don't do anything crazy!? Feli, you have to be more careful about what you say. He's not a psychopathic freak!" Lovino said, being very protective of his older brother despite him also being Feliciano's older sibling.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It just came out." Feliciano said and got out a few plates.

"Yeah, well, don't do it again unless you want to be the one sleeping with him all night." Lovino said and softly jabbed his index finger in his brother's arm.

"But, I didn't take classes like you." Feliciano said with a pout and handed Lovino a plate. He started to stack French toast on it.

"Well, I don't want to be stuck with him crying all over me every night. I-I love him but he's going to be a handful. He's been home for not even a day and I'm already worried we can't take care of him. Last night…Last night he pushed me really hard. What if he gets violent when he's on his feet and more independent? Neither of us can restrain him." Lovino said.

"But we can both run faster." Feliciano pointed out with a smile. Lovino grimaced at him and said "That's not the point idiot. Francis was one of the only people who knew how to calm him down and….but…You know what. Nevermind. Antonio is probably wondering why we're taking so long."

Antonio rushed back to the other room and sat down. His two younger brothers walked in with arms full of plates. Antonio forced a smile again and said "You guys are so talented. Any employer would be honored to have you guys as waiters."

"Speaking about waiters, that's basically my job." Lovino said, trying to start casual conversation. Antonio raised his eyes brows and asked "Really?! You haven't told me."

"Big brother, weren't you sitting there?" Feliciano asked and pointed to the seat next to him. Antonio was slow at creating an explanation and didn't even have one. He just moved over and looked up at them. Lovino sighed and said "My job is pretty crappy. I work at this little café downtown. I'm a waiter, cook and bartender. It's actually a day café and night bar type of thing but I usually work the late day and night shifts."

"What about your college classes?" Antonio asked with a mouthful of syrup drenched bread.

"Those are during the day. I don't have classes everyday and when I'm not doing that I'm working." Lovino said.

"What about homework. That has to take hours out of your day?" Antonio asked with concern.

"It usually does but it's mostly on the computer so I bring my laptop to work and do it when I can." Lovino said nonchalantly, trying to make it seem like he had it under control.

"Except for the all-nighters you pull off every other day." Feliciano pointed out. "I'm taking just a couple classes since I already know I'll be the president of Grandpa's company."

Lovino angrily stabbed his fork into the slices of meat on his plate. He hated it every time his brother interrupted him, but mentioning the company was a big "no" he just didn't get. As Antonio and Feliciano chatted away, Lovino wallowed in his anger. If this happened 6 years ago before Antonio thought about joining the military, then Lovino would've let all this anger out. Antonio was always the one who would listen to his hour long rants and angry, tearful confessions but now he wasn't sure if his older brother could mentally deal with both of their problems. In a situation like this, Lovino might've been driven to go to Francis for advice. He hated how Francis always put innuendo in his words but sometimes he was helpful.

"I'm done. If you excuse me I need to…to do some weekend homework." Lovino lied and picked up his plate. Antonio and Feliciano stopped talking just long enough to watch him walk out.

"I think I made him mad." Antonio said.

"No it was me." Feliciano said a bit sadly, "I think it was because I mentioned the company thing. I'll be right back." He ran out of the room and called out "Wait! Lovino!"

This time Antonio didn't want to hear any more. He covered his ears but he could still hear them shouting at each other. Feliciano came out and wiped away a couple tears before smiling for Antonio. "Hey, why are you covering you ears?" Feliciano asked. Antonio had his eyes closed and seemed to be concentrating.

"B-Big brother?" Feliciano stuttered like a small, scared child.

"Stop fighting." he whispered, "Please."

Feliciano sighed and said "Okay. I promise we will both stop fighting. Why don't we finish breakfast now?"

"Okay, these eggs are really good!" Antonio said and instantly perked up.

Just as they were finishing their meals, Lovino walked by. He had his bag over one shoulder and was dressed in a freshly ironed white shirt and black pants. "I-I'm going to work now." Lovino said.

"But I thought your shift started in the late afternoon." Feliciano said. Lovino looked away from him and said "I…He called and said he needed me to come in early today. I'll get overtime, I think. Antonio…don't forget to take the Prozac."

"I won't. Have a good time Lovino. Don't over work yourself." Antonio said with a smile which reminded his brother of the good times they used to have. Lovino didn't like how neither of them were trying to stop him so he left. If they didn't care that was okay. He didn't need anyone to boss him around anymore. If he really wanted, he could even move out.

Lovino slammed the front door behind him, trying to get his point across but failed. Feliciano smiled and said "I'll get the Prozac so save that orange juice to wash it down. Okay brother?" Antonio nodded and smiled a bit more sincerely this time. Feliciano left in a hurry so he could come back quicker. When he returned he said "Okay, you only need to take one pill so here." He handed the 20mg pill to Antonio who studied it curiously. He'd been taking these for a while and yesterday was one of the toughest days of his life. It also happened to be one of the only days he forgot to take it. He popped the pill in his mouth and washed it down with juice.

* * *

Gilbert was playing with his new puppy, Aero, like a child. He ran around the table and shouted in happiness when the pup found him. Ludwig was watching for a moment when he said "Just so you know, I have school tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, because you're smart and going to college." Gilbert said with a smirk. "How long are you going to be?"

"I have to leave around one in the afternoon and I'll be back by seven. Will you be okay until then?" Ludwig asked.

Gilbert laughed and set the puppy on his stomach. "Of course I will. Go and get your awesome education." he said with a genuinely happy smile. Ludwig thought Gilbert would be more scarred from his time on the battle field but this wasn't what he expected. He knew Antonio wouldn't be back to normal so they could only hope for the best for him.

"We should go out somewhere." Gilbert said and poked the dog's tail, causing it to spin around trying to catch it.

"Where? I presumed you would be tired today." Ludwig asked.

"Our favorite shops of course. Downtown and stuff. If we can go I'll get ready now." Gilbert said and sat up. The dog was now pulling at his hand.

"Sure, I don't see why we can't." Ludwig said. He just wanted to make his brother happy at this point.

Within fifteen minutes they were ready to leave. Gilbert pulled on his favorite red jacket while Ludwig kept his bland brown one on. "We need to put the dog back in his area so he doesn't piss everywhere." Gilbert said. He picked up the dog and cooed "Yes we do, because you like to shit everywhere don't you?"

He gently dropped the pup into the caged area they had for him. He had fresh kibble, training pads and water. He even had a toy and bed in there. "See you soon Aero." Gilbert said and closed the front door behind him.

"You really love that dog don't you?" Ludwig asked as he unlocked his car. Gilbert nodded and replied "Of course. He's adorable and affectionate."

On the ride to downtown Ludwig asked, "Do you think you need a computer?"

"What happened to my old one?" Gilbert asked.

"I…Roderich made me sell it when I was getting tight on money." Ludwig admitted. Their family wasn't sitting on rich company like Antonio's was so they had a couple more concerns. "Oh…It's okay little bro. But why can you afford it now?" he said.

"Well a laptop will be cheaper than a desktop. And from all the money you got from the cards yesterday, we might be able to afford one." Ludwig said.

"Then that would be great! Maybe I can start a blog." Gilbert said.

"Well, your last one wasn't very popular. No offense." Ludwig said and added the last phrase nervously.

"It'll be better this time. I won't be all obnoxious this time and maybe I can get a few followers!" Gilbert said with an unusual sparkle of determination in his eyes. Ludwig liked seeing his brother happy.

After stopping at an electronics store to find one of the cheapest laptops they could find they decided it was time to stop for some food. Gilbert pointed out a quant, secluded café on the other side of the busy intersection. As they waited, Ludwig impatiently tapped his foot. Gilbert noticed and said "C'mon Ludwig, the light will change soon." As if on cue, the light switched to a green man walking. They casually walked across the street when they heard a commotion from the café they were about to enter. When they were about to enter, and angry customer stomped out with dark stain on his light blue shirt.

* * *

When Lovino came to work, his boss's first question was "Lovino, what are you doing here to early?" He shrugged and said "I just needed to get out of the house."

"I thought your brother was coming home this weekend. Don't you want to spend time with him." the manager asked. His name was Mr. Allender.

"I did but…Feliciano will be fine taking care of him. Don't worry about it. Do you mind if I can get some over time for today." Lovino asked. Mr. Allender nodded as Lovino went into the back room. He opened his locked her stuffed his bag inside. He pulled out his waist apron and black vest. He sighed and put a note pad in one of the pockets. He straightened himself out and went to go take orders.

The room was empty and the people sitting there had already been served. It was just Lovino, Mr. Allender and one other waiter there. The other guy's name was Feliks. He was about a year younger than Lovino but he acted like a teenager. A teenage girl if he might add. As they waited for a customer Feliks was going on and on about something a guy on the internet said about a celebrity.

"But he outright called her a whore! Can you believe that? I mean, sure everyone thinks it but he was the first to say it out loud." Feliks said at the back table next to the lockers. Lovino nodded and spun a cup around. The bell on the door rang signifying someone was arriving. As a usual tradition, Feliks and Lovino played rock, paper, scissors to see who would serve him. Lovino's paper lost to Felik's so he got up and rushed to the front.

"Good after noon sir. How can I help you?" Lovino asked as he approached the man and sat him down at an open table. When he was able to get a good look at the young man he was serving he realized it was one of those jerks in his class. He was the kind to be charming and perfect around the right people then pick on everyone else without being found out.

"Hey there Lovino. Who would've thought I'd see you here?" he said mockingly. Lovino took a deep breath and said "Would you like to order Dimitr or would you like to socialize some more?

"I'll order. So… I hear there are some good mochas here. I'll take one." he said and kept on that cheeky smile of his.

"How do you want it made?" Lovino said as he scribbled on the note pad.

"I'll let the cook decide." he said, knowing that Lovino was the one who had to make it. Lovino smiled and walked back into the kitchen. He groaned as he started to make the coffee which would somehow be a generic mocha.

"Seems like you really hate him. Tell me why!" Feliks said and sat backwards on his chair. Lovino sighed and said "He's just a jerk. No big deal."

Within minute the mocha was done. "If he doesn't like this I'm going to blow a fuse." Lovino mumbled under his breath.

"Before you serve that get a couple rolls for the people in the booth next to the young man." Mr. Allender said and handed Lovino a note. He nodded and stuffed it in his pocket. Balancing the tray with the cup on it, he walked over to the small display of pastries and breads and took out two of the freshest muffins they had. He placed them on clean plates then pushed the door to walk out.

Lovino was placing down the muffins at the couple's table as Dimitr said "I heard your brother came back from the war yesterday. I also heard that he came back all screwed up in the head. That happens when weak people go and try to be heroes."

Lovino took another deep breath and told himself "No one really thinks this. He's just trying to mess with me. Say something already."

"He did come back and we're glad he's home." Lovino said and placed the tray down on another table before picking up the coaster along with the mug of coffee.

"Yeah, I guess being disabled and stupid is better than being dead." Dimitr said, holding in a laugh.

Something in Lovino snapped and his arm moved on its own. The molten coffee stained the front of Dimitr's shirt and he cried out. He stood up and pushed Lovino down, causing the cup to shatter on the floor. Lovino kicked his knee, causing him to topple over onto him. The two wrestled on the ground for a moment before Feliks and Mr. Allender ran out and tried to stop the fight.

Mr. Allender helped Dimitr up as Feliks pulled Lovino away. While the customer had his cool attitude back on, Lovino had tears in his eyes and was still trying to reach at him. Mr. Allender said "Lovino! Calm yourself down!" He turned to Dimitr and said "Terribly sorry sir. You d-don't have to pay for that and you can have a whole meal free if you would like."

Dimitr smirked and said "Nah, it's fine. I'll just go get coffee from the Starbucks a couple blocks away. I'll make sure I tell my friends about this though." With that he walked out. Lovino was gathering himself in the corner as Feliks was cleaning up the cup shards.

"Lovino, alley, now." Mr. Allender ordered and pointed to the back.

"But-" Lovino started until his boss grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him through the back door. He pushed Lovino out and said "What the fuck Lovino! Why did you do that?!"

"He insulted my brothers! They….Antonio came back from the war and he poked fun at his PTSD! Then he made a joke about my dead brother who should've come home. He deserved it!" Lovino said on the verge of bursting into a tantrum.

Mr. Allender sighed. "I get it Lovino. Maybe you should take the day off like I suggested." he offered.

"No! I-I need the overtime." Lovino said, letting his anger simmer down.

"Fine I'll give it to you today. But my great-grandfather came to this country and founded this place with great expectations for this place. I don't want to disappoint my family just because an employee screwed up. Okay? If you fuck shit up one more time, you're fired. Got that?" Mr. Allender said and pointed at Lovino who nodded rapidly. The manager walked back in the café with Lovino following.

Gilbert and Ludwig walked in and were seated by a young blond man with green eyes and a tired smile. "Hello, sit anywhere you like and we'll be right back out to help you." he said and took the small bag of shards out to the trash. Gilbert rushed to a booth meant for two and Ludwig sat across from him.

"I think this place is known for their mochas." Ludwig said and looked at the small paper menu on the table. Gilbert read it and said "I'm going to get an iced coffee."

"Even though it's cold outside?" Ludwig asked.

"Yeah, I bet you're going to get the darkest coffee they offer huh?" Gilbert predicted. His brother nodded, making him laugh at how much he knew him.

Before Lovino came out to serve the next customers he straightened out his dirtied white shirt and wrinkled vest. He tied the short apron around his waist tighter this time and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, calm down." he told himself as he took a deep breath. He walked out to the main part of the café with pseudo-confidence.

"Hi, I'm Lovino your waiter for the moment. Are you ready to order or do you need more time?" he asked, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Lovino! I didn't know you worked here!" Gilbert said a bit loudly. Lovino was snapped out of his own mind and glared at them before biting his lower lip. "Well I do. D-Do you want to order or what?" he asked, hoping they wouldn't notice his red face.

"Aw~ Look, your face is all red. What does Antonio called it? Oh yeah, you look like a tomato." Gilbert said with a smile. Ludwig glanced up at Lovino to take a look at this "tomato face". The older man glared back down at him so Ludwig looked away.

"Do you want to fucking order something?" Lovino asked under his breath. Gilbert laughed and replied "Yeah yeah calm down. So, I'll have the…the vanilla frappechino. And Ludwig will have the darkest, strongest coffee ya got."

Lovino wrote down the order on his notepad and clicked his pen before putting it behind his ear. "Alright is that all?" he asked.

"Yes." Ludwig said.

"But Lovino, there was a guy walking out of here with a stain on his shirt. What happened?" Gilbert asked.

"Just a jerk. I might be able to talk to you after…Sorry." Lovino said and walked to the kitchen.

"He hasn't gotten any less awkward since he was in high school." Gilbert noted. Ludwig smirked and said "He isn't all that clumsy anymore. I mean, he has a job and I don't."

"Oh don't worry Ludwig. I'm sure your classes will help you get a degree in whatever you want to do. You'll be fine." Gilbert said and patted his hand.

Lovino came back in less than ten minutes and served them their drinks. "Boss said I can talk to you guys since there's no one else here." he said and pulled up a chair next to them. "Not like I want to or anything."

"Hah, you're funny." Gilbert said, "So what happened to that jerk? What did he say?"

"I was supposed to serve him coffee but he said something…About Antonio and Francis." Lovino said and rested his head on his folded arm placed on the back of the chair.

"You can tell us. We're yours friends. Hell, we're your family. Right Ludwig?" the albino asked and looked to his brother. Ludwig nodded as he took a sip of his coffee.

"H-He said Antonio was screwed up in the mind and that's what happens to people who are weak and try to be heros. Th-Then he said being stupid and disabled must be better than being dead so I dumped his drink on him." Lovino said, finding absolutely no fault on his part. He had to defend his brother somehow.

"Oh man! If I had known I would've punched that guy in the face!" Gilbert said angrily. "Antonio isn't screwed up or disabled or stupid! Actually he can be stupid sometimes. But besides that, he was just being an asshat. Don't worry Lovino. If you ever get bullied just call us on the guy. We can beat the shit out of him, right Ludwig?"

"I go to the same school; I don't want to be expelled for fighting so idiotically. And shouldn't be beating up people anyways." Ludwig said. The small group continued talking for a while. Gilbert and Ludwig left once the rush hour began. For the first time, Lovino actually enjoyed talking to them and wanted it to continue. Maybe he'd have to call them sometime.

* * *

When Lovino returned home from work he half-expected Feliciano to be complaining about not being able to cheer Antonio up. Instead he found the two laying in the middle of the living room playing board games.

"Hi Lovi~" Antonio said and stood up, "How was work?"

"Fine." he said, not wanting to go into detail.

"Want to play Monopoly with us?" Feliciano asked. Lovino slightly grimaced and looked past Antonio. "Are you even smart enough to play that shit?" he asked.

Feliciano pouted and said "I'm taking business classes and this is practice."

"Then I hope you go to jail and miss a turn." Lovino said and turned his attention to Antonio. For some reason he seemed all upset again. Inside Lovino was groaning and wondering why the hell he was always sad around him but not Feliciano. "Antonio, is something bothering you? Did you take your medicine?" Lovino asked, doubting Feliciano would be responsible enough to remember. Antonio just nodded.

"Well, which is it?" Lovino asked, losing patience. He knew he should've been a little nicer around Antonio but he said it himself. Just because he has a "disorder" didn't mean he wasn't mature enough.

"Um….Both." Antonio admitted, the last word barely audible. Lovino sighed and said "Do you want to talk about it?" Antonio almost immediately brightened up and said "No, I'm fine. I just want to finish the Monopoly game then you can tell me about work. Okay?"

"Okay." Lovino said and walked away. He silently cursed at himself and beat himself up in his mind. When he got to his room he threw his bag on the bed and kicked the door shut. The slam resounded throughout the halls and to the living room. But neither Antonio or Feliciano heard it over their laughter.

He laid on the bed next to his bag and rubbed his eyes. After a couple minutes of silence he sat up and opened his bag. He wasn't able to do any homework at work today so he had to start it now.

A couple hours later Feliciano walked upstairs to check on Lovino. He lightly knocked on his bedroom door and asked "Lovino, can I come in?" He received an affirmative moan so he walked in. Lovino was at his desk with the lamp on. His papers were all over to place, some falling to the floor beside him. Feliciano picked them up and set them in a pile on his desk.

"Do you think you're anywhere close to being done?" Feliciano asked. Lovino replied with frank and quick "No." Then he asked "What do you really want? Or do you want to just chat with me for no apparent reason like you usually do?"

"I-I wanted to talk about what's wrong with Antonio. He doesn't like it when we argue around him." Feliciano said timidly.

"Why does it bother him now? He used to think we were cute or something when we did that. To break up the fight he would just offer us food. Even Francis didn't give a fuck when we argued." Lovino said, not looking up from his work.

"While we were home alone I tried to ask why he was so bothered and he said we had to appreciate each other more. But he was mainly saying this to me. Since it was the older two grouped together and the younger two grouped together, it was always him and Francis. It was you and me too. He thinks I might end up losing you, my older brother." Feliciano said nervously.

Lovino spun around in his chair and looked at Feliciano with an unreadable expression. " So what you're saying is that we should be nicer to each other in front of him?"

"Yeah! It might make him happier." Feliciano said, regaining his cheerfulness.

"Okay, I'll agree to stop getting angry at you if you stop being an idiot." Lovino said and pointed at his younger brother. Feliciano beamed at him and replied "Okay! I promise!" He ran out happily to his own room. Lovino sighed and turned back to his work.

* * *

That night Antonio laid in his bed but couldn't go to sleep. He tossed and turned under the blankets but couldn't get comfortable and couldn't shake this feeling. The feeling he was being followed. He opened his eyes to his dark room and didn't see anything out of the ordinary. He looked behind him and there was still nothing wrong. Antonio shut his eyes and suddenly heard the familiar laugh of Francis. He pulled a pillow over his head and mumbled, "I must be going crazy."

When he decided he couldn't go to sleep he got up to check on Lovino and Feliciano. He remembered the chills he got every time he passed by Francis's room. Antonio ran past it and opened Lovino's door. He usually didn't knock and it usually angered Lovino. Instead of being pushed out like he used to be, he found his younger brother asleep at his desk. He crept up and took a look at the work. It was odd. Everyone in the family had to admit that Lovino wasn't the most artistic or creative person but he was one of the best at subjects like math. There you were either right, or horribly wrong. Through the many pages of math there were crumpled pages filling the trash bin and broken pencils littering the floor.

Antonio grabbed a pillow from the bed in the room and put it under Lovino's head. He was a heavy sleeper so he wouldn't wake up until his loud alarm went off. Antonio also got a blanket and draped his over his shoulders. He switched off the lamp and walked out quietly.

Walking down the hall he felt a cold chill come from behind him. He shuddered and hurried his pace to Feliciano's room. He peeked in and noticed that the youngest of his brother's was fast asleep. Feliciano was by far the most innocent one, mostly because their grandfather protected him the most. He pampered and spoiled him the most and up until his death, he hadn't seen how terrible the real world is. Once Antonio and Francis left to the war, he was slightly more mature and understanding of everything. After hearing about Francis's death he had turned into that sort of person you could turn to for empathy.

Antonio walked back to his room, reminiscing over the times he used to have with his family. When they're grandfather was still alive. When Lovino was still a happy kid. When Francis and Antonio weren't overwhelmed by the sudden responsibilities of being the caretakers when their grandfather died. Before the war.

* * *

Gilbert woke up and fortunately remembered his usual morning routine correctly this time. He made his way downstairs and found that Ludwig had served him a few pancakes. He grabbed the syrup from the fridge and proceeded to eat his breakfast. Ludwig walked in and Gilbert asked "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I already did. Have you called Antonio yet? He might want to talk with you." Ludwig replied and went to get something from the cabinets.

"Huh, I guess I haven't. Do you think he'd be awake yet?" Gilbert asked with a mouthful of food. Ludwig nodded and handed Gilbert the phone. "Don't talk with your mouthful, it's gross." As he dialed the number Gilbert showed off the mush in his mouth to his brother who quickly turned away. He swallowed and laughed.

Antonio yawned and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. His hair was a mess and he didn't have any pants on. He quit trying to close his shirt all the way and let the collar flop to the side a bit. He found the same jeans he wore yesterday and put them on. He didn't care about what he got dressed in, he was too tired.

He stumbled downstairs and found Feliciano dressed and packed for a day of college. He was texting someone on his phone and had a backpack over his shoulder. He looked up as Antonio entered the room and smiled. "Good morning brother. I think you forgot to brush your hair when you got up." he said.

Antonio ran a hand through his bed-head and sighed. "I'm too tired for that. Where are you going so early?"

"It's already nine in the morning. I have school in an hour but don't worry I'll be back by six in the afternoon. Lovino doesn't have to leave until four today." Feliciano said.

"Eight hours of school?" Antonio asked.

"Well I'm not in class the whole time. I have a class at ten but my next one isn't until one o'clock. Then I have another one a little after that. Then I stop by the library and do homework and study and stuff like that. That's also the time I deal with anything concerning the company. They're slowly training me to be the president. It's no CEO but it's alright." Feliciano said, suddenly sounding more professional than ever. Antonio took in all the information slowly and opened his mouth to say something. Before he spoke the phone rang.

He picked it up and heard Gilbert shout "Hey, is Antonio there?"

"Ah, it's me Gilbert. What's up?" Antonio asked.

"Just wanted to see what was up with one of my bestest friends. So, how are you doing?" Gilbert asked.

"Fine…just fine." Antonio said and rubbed his face. A call from him was something he needed but at this time, he was a bit irritable and exhausted.

"What's wrong? Aren't you glad to be home?" Gilbert asked, suddenly very concerned. He had stuck with Antonio as if they were handcuffed together ever since he was sent to the same infirmary as himself. Back then the doctors just thought the only thing wrong with him was the blood he lost from the wounds on his torso. It wasn't until a few days later they realized he had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Somehow Gilbert was able to convince the doctors to let him see his friend. He was warned that the first couple of months would be the hardest for Antonio. Talking to his friend now, Gilbert thought he was slipping back to those first weeks.

"I am, I am glad. Really happy." Antonio said without his usual honesty. "But it seems like they don't need me anymore. Lovino isn't breaking dishes anymore and Feliciano isn't crying like the child he used to be. They both have difficult classes and picked up the responsibilities I left behind. Lovino has a job and Feliciano will also have on sooner or later. I don't know what to do anymore."

"It has only been a couple days man. Don't worry. Are they at least treating you well?" Gilbert asked.

"Of course. They seem to argue more but other than that I think they're still good brothers. They made breakfast for me yesterday." Antonio said and yawned when he was done.

"Ludwig made me breakfast yesterday too. But he also got me this awesome dog! He's the most badass dog ever!" Gilbert said.

"Feliciano told me it was just a puppy." Antonio said.

"So what? He's the most badass puppy then. I named him Aero. Anyways, don't you have to go see that therapist guy today?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh yeah… Lovino was going to drop me off but I guess I need someone to pick me up. I don't want to drive by myself." Antonio said. Gilbert didn't know why he didn't want to drive but he decided not to ask.

"Why don't you call someone to pick you up? I can't, my leg just gets in the way. But if I could I would." Gilbert replied.

"Maybe I can ask Roderich…" he said.

"He's at work around that time." Gilbert said.

"I'll call Arthur I guess. He lives closer to it anyways." Antonio replied. "Anyways…I want to hear more about your first whole day home yesterday."

"Well me and Luddy went shopping and he got me a laptop. I don't know why he's buying me all these things. We don't have a lot of extra money and he knows that. I think it's because he feels bad for selling some of my stuff while we were gone." Gilbert said.

"Oh…Okay." Antonio said.

"Seriously, are you okay? You seem really out of it." Gilbert pointed out, almost demanding to know what was going on.

"I just couldn't sleep last night. I feel like Francis is still around or something. It really bothers me." Antonio finally admitted. "It's only been since we've come back too. I don't know why. Maybe I should just forget about him-"

"No! You can't forget about him! He was your older brother! The one that would help you when you got bullied on the playground. The one that taught you how to be a big brother when Lovino needed you. The one that gave you girl advice even though he himself didn't roll that way. The one that followed you when you wanted to go to war just so he could protect you! He did too much for you to do that to him!" Gilbert said angrily. Ludwig turned to him and frowned. He might not have known Antonio as well as Gilbert did, but he was pretty sure yelling at someone with PTSD wouldn't help much.

There was a bit of silence on Antonio's side before he sarcastically replied "Thanks Gilbert."

"Ugh, you know I didn't mean it _that_ way Toni. Look, just don't push him out of your life. He can still be a part of it even though he's…passed away." Gilbert said, being at least a little sensitive.

"But it's my fault." Antonio said.

"It wasn't your fucking fault! It was his decision. He didn't give up his life to ruin yours. I know you think I'm being a massive jerk but it's true. I bet who ever your shrink is will agree with me." Gilbert said.

"Bye Gilbert. I'll call you later." Antonio said and hung up.

"Who was that?" Lovino asked as he just walked into the living room. Antonio, who was actually about to explode in anger bottled it up. He didn't like it when Gilbert talked like that. Deep down he knew he was right but other than that Antonio wouldn't believe him.

"Just Gilbert. Did you know he got a dog?" Antonio asked and turned to his brother. Lovino came up to him and tried fixing his hair.

"You're hair is a mess. Don't you have any self respect." he asked as he finger combed it to the side. Once he was done, Antonio shook his head to make it his usual style.

"They named it Aero." Antonio said. Lovino took a closer look at him and said "You look like shit, what happened?"

"I couldn't sleep." Antonio replied. Lovino turned on his cellphone camera and turned on the front facing lens. He handed it to Antonio who raised his eyebrows. "Wow..." he mumbled.

"The skin under your eyes is dark but your eyes are red. Go to sleep." Lovino said.

"But I can't." Antonio whined. Lovino snatched his phone and stuck it in his pocket.

"You have an appointment with the shrink at three thirty. Go take a nap." Lovino said.

"I caaaaaan't" Antonio whined.

"This is a new therapist Antonio. You don't want your first impression to appear as a jerk. That's my job." Lovino said. Antonio knew how difficult it was for Lovino to joke around about himself. He usually only did it when someone was in deep trouble and needed cheering up from someone else.

"Okay, okay. I'll try to sleep." Antonio said and dragged his feet back upstairs.

* * *

Later, while Lovino was driving him to the office, Antonio asked "Do you know who the therapist is?" Lovino shook his head and said "When I was talking with the military department responsible for this kind of crap, they said they had it under control. This person has dealt with other soldiers with your disorder. Some even from the same war."

"That's okay. I'll probably get to know them soon enough." Antonio said. He reached into his pocket and turned on the cell phone Feliciano got him. They figured that he'd need to keep in touch with them especially since one of them would be gone for the majority of the day.

They stopped in the parking lot and Lovino asked "Do you want me to walk in with you?" Antonio nodded and said "Just because this is the first time and I don't know the room number."

"Oh...right." Lovino said. He got out and followed his older brother to the stairs. "It's Room 216."

"This room?" Antonio asked and pointed to the one at the far end of the outdoor hallway. Lovino nodded and they made their way over. There was no name plate next to the room number which was odd. Antonio twisted the door handle but it was locked. He knocked loudly and asked "Is anyone there?"

Some one behind the door shuffled papers and closed a drawer hard. They stumbled to the door but seemed to pause before opening the door. The person who appeared before them wasn't who they expected at all.

* * *

**Not the best cliff hanger, sorry.**


	3. The Man in Room 216

**Introduced characters : Emil-Iceland Toris- Lithuania Mathias- Denmark Lukas-Norway**

** I might have to change the rating to M because of serious/touchy/sensitive/_depressing_ subjects. Maybe even triggers for some people.**

**I also really want to know if these parts are too long. They're all over 7k words and I never took into consideration that they could be _TOO_ long.**

* * *

"Hey, are either one of you Antonio?" a tall, blonde man asked. He seemed too young to be an experienced therapist. His blue eyes were jovial and full of energy half way through the day. Lovino frowned while Antonio replied "I'm Antonio. You must be-"

"I'm Dr. Densen, but my first name is to meet you. Anyways, please both of you, come in." he said and rushed back inside. Lovino followed Antonio and whispered "I think he's on something."

"Oh don't be silly Lovi. Just sit down." Antonio said and patted the chair next to him. The brothers sat across from the "doctor" at his desk.

"So, are you just a assistant or maybe the therapist's son?" Lovino asked. Dr. Densen laughed and replied "Nope, I'm the only one here in Room 216."

"So, why don't you properly introduce yourselves before we get started? And Antonio, if you don't mind, could you fill this out?" Dr. Densen said and passed him some forms on a clipboard.

"Well, I'm Antonio, as you guessed and I uh…I like tomatoes." Antonio said awkwardly. Lovino face palmed in disappointment.

"Great!" Dr. Densen said with a smile. "How about you, kid?"

"Don't call me kid. But, I'm Antonio's younger brother. My name is Lovino." he said and crossed his arms.

"Will you be here the whole session?" the blonde man asked. Lovino shook his head.

"As Antonio fills out those forms how about we talk about the payment." Mathias said, keeping on his stupid smile. Lovino frowned yet again and said "Th-The military said they would pay for the sessions for a while."

"Yes! I was just making sure. So how long has Antonio been home?" he asked.

"Since Satuday." Lovino replied.

"Wow, I've never had someone come in that soon. That means you have a very responsible family Antonio." he said and turned to his client. Antonio was biting the end of the pen he was using to fill out the forms. Lovino turned to him when he didn't answer.

"Antonio, hey." Lovino said and lightly elbowed him he looked up and said "What?"

"I said you have a very responsible family. You're very lucky. Not every man has a supportive family like you." Dr. Densen said.

"Oh… I guess I do huh?" Antonio said and turned to Lovino who turned red.

"Anyways." Lovino said and stood up, "I have to get to work."

"I thought you were a bit too dressed up for this. What's your profession?" Dr. Densen asked. Lovino looked away from him as the redness returned to his cheeks.

"I-I'm just a bartender." Lovino said quietly. Dr. Densen kept his smile on despite his mistake and just laughed. "Sorry about that kid."

Lovino grumbled a couple insults under his breath before turning to Antonio who was curiously watching the two men interact. "I'll see you later Antonio. Don't…Don't walk home by yourself." Lovino said before leaving the room.

"Why do you think he doesn't want you walking home by yourself?" Mathias asked.

"He thinks I can't do things I could before I fought in the war. Like I'm less capable." Antonio said and tightened his grip on the pen.

Not wanting to get on a sensitive subject so quickly Mathias quickly changed the subject. "So Antonio, are you done with this that yet?" he asked and pointed to the clip board. Antonio looked at it for a moment then handed it to his new therapist. Dr. Densen looked over it and said "Why don't we talk about this. It'll help get to know you better so I can help you. Well the first thing is your age. You just turned twenty five a month ago. And you've been in the military for almost five years exactly. You were twenty when you left huh? And I see your education is partial college."

"Yeah. But even if I didn't choose to go to war I don't think I would've continued school." Antonio admitted and rested his head on the desk.

"What did you plan on doing?" Mathias asked.

"I-…I know this is going to sound really stupid but…I wanted to become a famous musician. I've played acoustic guitar since I was younger but I never did anything with it. People told me I was great but…I haven't even touched a guitar in the last five years." Antonio said.

"Maybe that would be a good hobby to spend your free time on. The next section you filled in was about your childhood. Your role model was your grandfather. And you had once wanted to be a pirate?" he asked unsurely.

"Up until I was eleven I had wanted to be a pirate with all my heart. I really don't know why anymore." Antonio said.

"Tell me more about your grandfather." Mathias said.

"He was a young grandfather to be frank about it. He was our mother's father. She actually had two husbands. And she had two kids with each one." Antonio admitted. Only a very small group of people knew that all four boys weren't complete brothers.

"I only remember you and your two younger brothers. Is there another one?" Mathias asked as he moved to the next category of family. Antonio looked down at his hands as they clenched and unclenched. Neither Lovino nor Antonio mentioned Feliciano so how did he know?

"There's Francis but he's not…here anymore." Antonio said. Being in this situation before, Mathias knew exactly what he meant. "Is Francis your step-brother?"

"No…But he looked more like our father than anything. While I looked more like our mother. Feliciano and Lovino both look like our grandfather…C-Can we talk about something else?" Antonio asked with a wary smile on his face. Mathias nodded and looked down the chart.

"You listed your best friend as Gilbert. Can you tell me more about him?" Mathias asked with a smile.

"Well he's albino and just a couple months younger than me. He's really awesome, or so he says, and is the ultimate heavy weight drinker. He has a younger brother who's more mature than him. Gilbert served time in the military alongside me and Francis but he was….injured in an earlier battle." Antonio trailed off when he got to the topic about Gilbert losing his leg.

"What kind of injury?" Mathias asked. He had seen this before. Someone with PTSD would be normal about a topic until something reminded them of what caused the traumatic stress in the first place. Since Mathias knew he couldn't ask directly just yet, he was trying to get hints to what _exactly _was bothering Antonio.

"Um…I rather not say." Antonio replied.

"It's okay. Is there anything you'd like to ask me?" the doctor asked.

"How old are you?" Antonio asked in all seriousness. Mathias laughed loudly and replied "I'm twenty nine! You don't know how many time people have asked me that."

"B-But they said you've dealt with dozens of cases and you're a professional." Antonio blurted out. Realizing that was rude he added "I mean…That's believable and great for you. You must be very talented."

"Don't worry about it. I pushed my way through college. They say that in psychology, experience is what makes you better, not schooling. So I didn't stay in school that long." Mathias said.

"Oh… Do you have a family?" Antonio asked.

"I don't, believe it or not. I was adopted around seven and those parents supported me all the way. I keep in touch with them but they live in the country we're at war with. It's been too hard lately to contact them. I have a few childhood friends who've come with me to this country. I consider them my family too." Mathias said.

"So you're foreign?" Antonio asked just to waste time. He didn't want to be here any longer than he had to. Mathias's constant smile comforted him but he kept asking about touchy subjects. Antonio didn't like it even though he expected it.

"Yep, that's what I'm saying. So let's get down to what you might've been expecting. I'm only here to help you. So if I say something that hurts, offends, or frightens you just tell me and I'll stop. I don't know you very well yet so bear with me. I'll admit I can be a bit insensitive at times." Mathias said and straightened out the papers on his desk.

"So… what point are we trying to get to? I honestly don't see how this is going to help me. I already had therapy stuff back at the base. Do I really need more? I'm taking Prozac and everything." Antonio asked.

"Of course. You don't want to be stuck with this guilt forever, do you?" Mathias asked. Antonio gave him an odd look and said "How do you know I'm guilty of anything?"

"Must've been a lucky guess. So…Do you want to talk about what's bothering you now or should we build up to another topic." Mathias asked. Antonio wondered why he kept asking him what he wanted. Should it be him knowing exactly what to do?

"No, I don't. I really don't think I should be here." Antonio said.

"I don't believe you belong here either. You seem very stable and capable of everyday life without someone like me." Mathias said. He basically lied through his teeth but it would lead to something else.

"R-Really?" Antonio asked in disbelief.

"Yup. You don't seem to be having any flashbacks or panic attacks. You aren't violent with others and you don't have mood swings. There's no way you'll ever go to substance abuse just because you can't make sense of your emotions. You aren't having hallucinations or hearing things that you are sure aren't there. You trust everyone around you and you wouldn't change a thing about your past. Right?" Mathias asked. If he said it any other way, it wouldn't come out sarcastically. Other people in his field of profession strongly disagreed with his way of treatment but it worked out every time.

"Not really." Antonio mumbled and slumped his shoulders over.

Mathias smile lessened as he got into a serious mode. "Which would you like to talk about first?"

* * *

After an hour and a half of Antonio telling general stories with little to no explanations, he was free to go. "Before you leave I have one more question." Mathias said and finally got up from his desk. Antonio turned to him and raised an eyebrow, "Next time, may we talk about the things that actually bother you? I have a feeling you were only telling me what you thought I wanted to hear."

Antonio frowned at him and replied "Sure sure. Thanks for everything. See you next week." He walked out and strolled down the stairs. He sat on a curb in the parking lot and got out his phone. He had called Arthur earlier and was told he would give him a ride back home but he wasn't here yet.

"He was supposed to be here almost ten minutes ago." Antonio mumbled to himself. He put his phone back into his jean's pocket and sighed.

About five minutes later Arthur rolled up in his small car. Antonio rushed into the passenger seat. "Sorry I was late Antonio. I lost track of time." he said.

"That's okay amigo. Did you fill out the forms to gain Francis's benefit things?" Antonio asked out of the blue. Arthur sighed and slowly drove out of the parking lot. "I was just finishing them up. But I need your signature on a couple papers. I was in such a rush I forgot to bring them with me. Do you mind if we stop at my house so you can sign them?" he said.

"That's no problem at all. Hey look." Antonio said and pointed at the park he used to play at as a child. He had said with enthusiasm but what he saw was despairing. The previously colorful park was out of shape. Since the pain had flaked off, it revealed the metal. Exposed to the elements, it rusted. The sand in the playground was dirty and littered with trash. Any grass that had been there was gone and replaced with tall weeds and loose, dry dirt. It was all in a lot hidden from any major routes used for travel. This made the streets around here rather safe for children to play.

Arthur looked over and replied "It's been like that for a few years. Around seven I believe. Due to the war, the Parks and Recreation organizations haven't been funded as well. Major ones, like the large park in the middle of the city, have been kept up though." Within seconds they passed it.

"That's so sad. I hate this…Next thing you know, we'll have to pay for public school." Antonio said. He rolled down the window and let the crisp air blow his hair away from his face. He took in a deep breath and noticed the pollution in the air. He breathed out, not feeling any better.

"I don't think anyone likes it either. Big industries are getting more money while smaller ones are collapsing. At least your family's company is doing well." Arthur said and made a turn.

"I guess that's alright." Antonio said.

"So how was your therapy session?" Arthur asked. Antonio shrugged and replied "It was fine. The shrink is really weird though. I think he's too strong and pushy. He wants to know how I tick and I don't like it."

"I haven't been to a therapist so I wouldn't know what "too pushy" is." Arthur said and pulled into his driveway.

"Really? I could've sworn you've needed one for so long though." Antonio teased with a smirk. Arthur smiled back and replied "Very funny Anthony." He knew Antonio hated being called Anthony.

Antonio replied with a huff then plastered a new smile to his face. "Let's just get the papers sorted out okay?" Arthur laughed, realizing how upset he made him. As they both got out of the car.

Arthur lived in a small apartment with only one car space assigned to him. It's not like he could afford another car or anything like that. He led Antonio to his apartment which was on the ground floor of a three story building. As he unlocked the door, Alfred ran across the room with Matthew chasing after him.

Antonio tried looking over Arthur's shoulder to see what they were doing but he stepped back once the man in front of him shouted at the boys to stop running.

"Alfred, Matthew. What did I tell you about running in the apartment? If you break something I have to pay for it. Now, Antonio and I are going to do some paper work so don't cause a ruckus." Arthur said.

Matthew came running up to Arthur and whined "Al took my Gameboy! And he won't give it back!"

"Nuh uh. You lost the charger so I hafta use yours." Alfred said, holding the small machine protectively.

"Al, give it back to him, please. I'll help you look for the charger once I drop Antonio off at his house." Arthur said and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You can't tell me what to do Iggy! You aren't Mom or Dad." Alfred said. Arthur glared at him and slowly turned a dark red.

"Do you want to stay with Mom and Dad and never visit me?" Arthur asked in a threatening tone. Alfred pouted and shook his head. Reluctantly, he returned the Gameboy to Matthew and stopped off to the restroom.

"Sorry about that. They don't get along very well. Maybe that's why my parents dump them on me. Besides that, let's go over here. All my papers are in this room." Arthur said and straightened himself out. They walked into the "master bedroom" which was much too small to have its name. There he had a desk in the corner with all the papers stacked in neat piles. Arthur picked up a folder and sat on his bed. He searched through them and handed Antonio and packet.

"Please sign at the bottom of every page if you agree with the terms on the corresponding sheet." Arthur said. Antonio sat at his desk and grabbed the pen the therapist gave him from behind his ear.

"How are Lovino and Feliciano?" Arthur asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"They're fine. They don't need me anymore." Antonio said, not turning his attention away from the task at hand. Arthur raised an inquisitive, bushy eyebrow and asked "Oh really? Why do you suppose so?'

"They have their lives figured out. They don't need me to help them in anything anymore. They're just so independent. But, I also feel like I'm getting in between their relationship. I'm just in the way." Antonio said.

"I'm sure they need you more than you think Antonio." Arthur said. He had to try and be the consoling friend, especially after everything Antonio has done for him.

"I hope you're right." Antonio said. He sighed wistfully and turned to Arthur.

As their green eyes met, Arthur felt something in him tick. Something in his eyes made Arthur feel like he had no hope. He pitied the man. Coming home from a war with one less brother. Then you're younger brother's aren't the same and you think it's your fault. "Maybe Antonio needs more help than a shrink and medicine." Arthur thought to himself.

They shared this awkward eye-contact for only a few seconds before Arthur heard something strange.

"Say something." Francis said.

Arthur's shoulders tensed up as he looked around the room for the source of the sound. Antonio heard it too but was getting used to this sort of thing. Directly after they heard the voice, the room got cold. "Did you hear that?" Arthur asked.

"No." Antonio said. He didn't believe it anymore. Francis was six feet underground across the city in the Veteran's Cemetery. Antonio thought "I need to ignore it. He isn't here anymore. I just want him to stop bothering me. I need to forget him."

"W-Well okay. I swore I just heard…Never mind. As soon as you finish up we can go." Arthur said. Antonio had already turned back to the papers in front of him.

Just ten minutes later and all the papers were correctly filled out. Arthur put them all in his folder and tucked it under his arm. As they walked out Antonio asked "Do you think you can pick me up every Monday from therapy?"

"I don't see why not. My shifts at work won't get in the way." Arthur said with a smile as they entered the car. He started the engine and backed out of the small space which perfectly fit his small car.

"Do you think I'm going crazy?" Antonio asked.

"Pff. Of course not! Although you are the only person I know personally who has PTSD, you seem to be handling it well. Don't you think so?" Arthur asked.

"I'm not sure." Antonio said and looked down at his tan hands. Was he normal? Maybe Dr. Densen was right. Maybe he wasn't getting better.

* * *

That next week, Gilbert was at home enjoying himself as he browsed through the internet. He had made a blog and was now searching for what he should put on it. It wouldn't be as meaningless and shitty as his last one. He could start all over and do something that would actually get people's attention.

He was looking at other people's blog trying to get inspired. He had spent hours in front of the computer that day just trying to get a good idea. By three in the afternoon he decided to quit for the day. Surely there could be something else he could do besides waste time. He decided to call up Antonio.

As the phone rang, he was remembering how distraught his friend sounded last week. They hadn't seen each other in person since the day they both came home.

"Hello, this is Lovino. State your name and means of business." Lovino said professionally into the receiver. Gilbert chuckled and replied "It's just me, Gilbert. Why do you answer your phone like that?"

"It's usually around this time that asshole companies call and try to get Feliciano or me to commit to them. They all want part of my grandfather's inheritance. But, what do you want?" Lovino asked.

"I just wanted to talk to Antonio." Gilbert said.

"Alright I'll get him." Lovino said. He covered the receiver with his hand and shouted "Antonio! Phone call for you!" Gilbert laughed to himself as the two exchanged some words before Antonio answered. He cleared his throat and said "Hey Gilbert."

"Yo Toni. Have you touched that awesome Spanish guitar yet?" Gilbert asked.

"No…I don't even know where it is. I thought I left it in my room but Feliciano had moved it so it wouldn't get dusty or stolen. It might be in the attic." Antonio said. "To be honest, I don't think I care about it so much."

"But you loved playing it so much! What other hobbies do you have then?" Gilbert asked and leaned against the counter.

"I don't really have anything else. I play board games with Feliciano pretty often. Even Dr. Densen says I need a hobby." Antonio replied.

"Who's Dr. Densen?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh right, I haven't told you. He's my therapist. He's foreign. Apparently he comes from the country to the south. You know the one we're at war with. He's sort of pushy sometimes and I don't think he's doing his job well. He says his ways will grow on me and eventually we'll come to an understanding." Antonio said. "I preferred that one shrink at the base more."

"Dr. Densen huh?" Gilbert asked, "Is he an old, grey haired guy like all the others?"

"No. He's only twenty nine but he looks even younger. That's just another thing that makes him weird. I don't think he knows enough." Antonio said.

"Well, you should trust him more. I bet he's just tryin' to help. By the way, do you know anything I could do my blog on?" Gilbert asked.

"Blog? Well…what about your dog. You seem to love Aero." Antonio suggested. His cheerfulness was returning in his tone.

"Maybe but tons of people have cute dogs. I want mine to be special and noticeable. Different from everyone else! I'm a unique person and I need a unique image!" Gilbert said.

"You are unique. You're pretty smart. You should be able to think of something in no time. Don't worry Gil, I'm sure you'll find something cool to base your blog on." Antonio said.

"Thanks. Oh, and Ludwig has been asking me about working out. Do you think I need to work out? I mean, I'm already pretty fit and I struggle enough with this damn leg." Gilbert said.

"Well it wouldn't hurt to exercise a little every day. You don't want to get flabby like Roderich did." Antonio said and added a small laugh at the end. Gilbert joined in and said "He used to be so skinny but now he is a little soft isn't he? I guess I can lift some weights or something. We don't have a lot of exercise equipment here though."

"I don't own any either. You could always join a gym." Antonio said.

"Yeah right. As if I'm going to compare myself to fully capable, buff men. If you haven't noticed I'm not the biggest person and I'm missing a good part of my right leg. I can't even run right. I can't swim in a straight line. Just getting up form sitting can be hard depending on what I'm sitting around." Gilbert said and snorted.

"So what? I bet none of them have been in a war and went through military training. Why doubt yourself now Gilbert? I thought you were awesome." Antonio said, knowing it would strike a nerve in his friend.

"I-I am awesome! Just too awesome to show off my awesomeness in public! Hahahah! Well nice talking to you Antonio. I think I'm going to go work out in the privacy and awesomeness of my own home." Gilbert said with new found confidence.

* * *

Antonio smiled and said "Alright Gilbert. See ya." Gilbert hung up and immediately dashed to the back room in the house. There he found the workout room, almost completely different than what he remembered. There used to be just one bench press but now there were a few more contraptions. There was a treadmill, a stack weight machine and a pull up bar. Just a few years ago that pull up bar was one of the kind you screwed into your door frame.

Gilbert wandered around the small room, studying each of the objects. "Well might as well start with the weights I'm familiar with. I wonder how much I can lift." Gilbert told himself and carried a couple weights to the ends of the bar. Once he was done he realized something. It was dangerous to do this without someone there to spot you. If he didn't want to hurt himself he should start with something smaller. He removed some of the weights so he started at an easy fifty pounds. He laid himself on the flat bench and picked the bar up. He was surprised by how difficult it was. He used to be able to press at least one-hundred fifty pounds but this was already stressing. Ever since he lost his leg, all of his training at the base was concentrated on helping him get used to only having one full leg.

After thirty minutes of disappointing lifting, he decided to try something else. He needed to rest his arms so he was going to try out the treadmill. Once it turned on, he selected a jogging speed. At first it was easy, a little too easy. Within a minute he raised the speed to a light run. Gilbert smirked at how proud of himself he was.

Somehow, in all his confidence, he didn't step off his prosthetic leg correctly and he was sent tumbling down. The treadmill didn't stop once he fell and he was thrown into the wall behind him. He hissed in pain and rubbed the back of his head. "Shit…That really hurt." he grumbled as he struggled to stand back up. He stopped the treadmill and got on it again. Nothing was going to stop him from proving himself to…himself.

He started at the jogging speed and when he thought he was ready he started to run. Again he slipped and the breath was knocked out of him as he hit the wall. He repeated this another three times. "Damn it!" he shouted in anger. The sixth time he went straight to the running stage. Gilbert was able to run long enough to build up his confidence again, only to have it crumbling down when he fell reasonably hard.

"Fucking hell!" he shouted and pounded his fist against the ground. If anyone else was in the house he wouldn't done what he was about to do. He let a few tears of frustration and anger seep out of his eyes. "It's not fair! This isn't fair! Why me!? Why can't I do this stuff anymore!? What's wrong with me?!" he thought to himself. What he thought would just be a few tears ended up not ending for a while. He walked all the way upstairs. As the tears were about to end he saw the pictures hanging in the hall.

There were pictures of their father and all three brothers. Roderich at his first piano recital was one of the most iconic ones. There was a picture next to it of Gilbert holding an infant Ludwig in a position that would make you think the albino was a strong boy. And Gilbert honestly thought he was the strong, older brother until now. What was he supposed to do if he couldn't be an awesome older brother and protect Ludwig? In all of his twenty four year life, he's never felt so inferior. "The others were right. I can't do everything." Gilbert told himself before bursting into more tears. This time he let them come out freely, knowing there was no use changing this.

* * *

Antonio laid on Dr. Densen's couch in his office like he did every Monday with a plain expression and an extreme disinterest in what the older man had to say. Little did he know that today would be the day they'd get somewhere.

"Antonio, can you tell me more about why you haven't driven? When was the last time you drove a motorized vehicle?" Mathias asked and crossed his legs. Antonio sighed and said "Sometime last year. Maybe over a year ago."

"Did anything else significant happen that day?" Mathias asked very patiently.

"I don't think so. It was just a convoy." Antonio said. "Why is this so significant?"

"I'm just curious is all. Now, are you sure nothing else happened? Where was the convoy heading?" Mathias asked.

"I don't remember." Antonio said.

"Are you sure? Can you try harder? Do you at least know why you were travelling in a group?" he asked.

"I think we were supposed to transport someone important to another base in the country. But it was dangerous so we needed a group." Antonio said and closed his eyes. Dr. Densen lookef up from his clipboard to his client. He knew when Antonio closed his eyes, it was the most he was going to get out of him.

"Did you end up delivering that person? And at what cost?" he asked. Antonio's brow furrowed before he replied "I think he made it safe but…but not all of us made it."

"What stopped all of you from making it? Who…stopped you?" Dr. Densen asked.

"Th-The enemies did. They brought a small tank but it was more firepower than we had. Then a bunch of them… I don't want to talk about it anymore." Antonio said and sat up. Mathias frowned and said "We were about to get to what they did to stop you. How did you get out of that?"

"I-I don't remember!" Antonio said.

"You do! You were doing great!" Dr. Densen said.

"No! It wasn't great! They nearly killed Gilbert!" Antonio shouted.

"Calm down. Gilbert is alive. But what happened Antonio?" he asked.

"They shot with the cannon on the tank and aimed right his vehicle." Antonio said. His eyes shut again like he was trying to block it out but it only made it worse.

"Were you in the vehicle with him?" Mathias asked and quickly wrote something down on the clipboard.

"No…I was in the last car." Antonio said.

"What happened after they aimed at the convoy in front of you?" Dr. Densen asked almost forcefully.

"They fired at them. I was shocked but I didn't do anything until…until I just swerved off the path and into a ditch." Antonio said as he slowly started to curl up on himself.

"What made you lose control of the car?" Mathias asked.

"I don't remember!" Antonio said. He opened his eyes and glared at the therapist who was sternly looking back. Their eyes locked for a whole minute before Dr. Densen said "What happened to Gilbert?"

"Stop! I don't want to remember anymore. I don't know!" Antonio said. Mathias opened his mouth to say something more but Antonio continued on. "It hurts to remember. I don't…" he trailed off in the second sentence but came back with "You said you would try not to hurt me."

Mathias sighed as he thought what to say next. He had to admit Antonio was one of the most serious cases he had and he was informed this would be a challenge. He was warned that no one has been able to make him spill what happened on the battle field or his feelings. "I'm sorry Antonio. Perhaps we can pick up on this next time. It's already about time to end this session."

"Maybe we can." Antonio said and stood up. He wiped his eyes, making sure he hadn't cried then grabbed his jacket before storming out of the room. As he slammed the door behind him Dr. Densen sat back at his table. He rested his head in his hands and groaned in frustration. "We got somewhere today. I think so anyways." he said to himself.

* * *

Later that night Mathias Densen went to the usual place he went for a drink. Almost every night he went drinking and usually by himself. He walked in and realized it wasn't the same. All the tables in the bar were missing and the only places to be served was at the counter. He walked up to the usual bartender and asked "What's happening? Why is everything gone?"

"Didn't ya hear?" the man asked, "We're going broke. Nobody wants our service. This was one of the only bars for intelligent people. We had the least amount of fights but I guess that's not what the public wants. Tonight is our last night. We'll all be out of jobs after this."

"Th-That can't be true. I come here everynight! Where else am I supposed to go!?" Mathias asked and slammed his hands on the counter angrily.

"I'm not sure. You were our only regular. I'm sorry Mat. Do you want to talk with the manager about it?" he asked. Mathias groaned and replied "No…Just…I'll be drinking heavy tonight. Give me the strongest beer you've got."

"As expected. You're also one of the only people who specifically ask for that." the man behind the counter said and he ducked down to search for the bottle. Mathias ran a hand through his hair which was going limp. "What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can't just buy shit from the store and drink at home." he mumbled to himself.

"You can always go to the bar just a couple blocks downtown." the bartender said as he handed Mathias his drink. He took a giant gulp of it and smacked his lips in satisfaction. It was a bitter sweet drink that night.

"Never heard of it." Mathias said.

"We've kept quiet about it for a while so we don't lose customers. The manager here told me to tell them about it for the hell of it. It's a café in the day but by six in the evening it's a bar that's open until three in the morning. I've been there once and I would say it's the second classiest bar in the city. Well, it'll be first once we're gone." he said. Mathias took another swig of his liquor and replied "I guess I'll have to check it out later this week."

The rest of the night was awkwardly quiet while the customers and bartenders shared mutual sadness. For once, Mathias was able to look back on his drinking habits. He told all of his clients to stay away from substance abuse while he couldn't go a day without alcohol. He knew he was a hypocrite but it was up to him anyways. It was his life. "It's not abuse anyways because I really need it. You can only go on so long listening to everyone else's trauma before you need to cure your own." he thought to himself. He sighed and finished his third giant cup of beer. Then he smirked "Good thing I don't have any appointments tomorrow. I'm going to get so wasted tonight."

* * *

Saturday was always a busy night for the bar/ café Lovino worked at. Tonight was especially busy. So busy in fact that Mr. Allender had to call in another person to help with the rush that night. Feliks didn't work nights so it was usually Lovino, Emil and Toris. The manager, Mr. Allender would stay there until midnight. On Friday and Saturday night, Lovino would be the one to lock up at three in the morning. Toris was nice enough to be the one who would do it Monday through Thursday while Emil only did it on Sundays.

"Why are there so many people here? It bothers me." Emil said as he grimaced at the crowed. Lovino shrugged at the younger man while Toris said "Oh come on guys. It's not that bad. I mean, maybe we'll get more tips." The two young men looked at him and shook their heads. Toris nervously laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry, just trying to look on the bright side."

Another man walks in and looks around like he's lost as they're deciding who's going to serve him. Lovino said "Well I'm manning the counter today so one of you guys have to deal with it." He walked off and back behind the bar. Emil and Toris glared at each other and Emil ended up blinking first. "Damn!" he loudly whispered as Toris grinned again.

Emil walked out from the back room and put on a smile for the customer. Lovino was on the far side of the counter, the opposite side this man walked up to. "You here for alcohol like everyone else?" Emil asked.

"Of course. What else would I come here for?" Mathias asked. Emil peeked up at him after hearing his face and his smile faded. "Oh…It's you Mathias. Emphasis on the ass in your name." he said.

"Oi, I'm your customer now so don't treat me that way Emil. I didn't know you were a bartender. You change jobs so often." Mathias said.

"I've only been here for a couple months. Anyways, what do you want?" Emil asked.

"I've been troubled lately. I need something a little stronger than beer. How about wine or something?" Mathias said.

"Sure thing." Emil said. "Yo Lovino, get me that bottle of wine you opened last."

"Did you say Lovino?" Mathias asked.

"Yeah. Do you know him?" Emil asked. He didn't know why his "friend" seemed so concerned.

"Oh God. Don't let him notice me." Mathias said and looked around. "I'll be sitting at the table in the corner so you serve me. Don't let him see me. Okay? Okay, thanks." As he rushed over to the empty table on the other side of the room. Emil rolled his eyes and thanked Lovino when he handed him a wine glass and the half empty bottle of red wine.

As he was pouring the therapists glass, Emil was wondering whether or not he should follow Mathias's orders. He was the most annoying guy he knew and he could even be mean at times. He always made fun of his brother Lukas. Not that Lukas minded but it was still super annoying. As pay back Emil decided to purposely lead Lovino to him.

"Lovino, do me a favor and serve this glass to the lonely man in the corner." Emil asked.

"No way, you go serve him." Lovino said and wiped down the area a messy man had just left. It was covered drops of the type of alcohol which would stain the counter.

"I'll give you half of my tips tonight if you do." Emil said.

"Done." Lovino said and snatched the glass out of his hand. He put it on a tray and navigated his way through the filled room to the man on the other side.

"Your wine sir. Is there anything else you- Mr. Densen?" Lovino asked.

"That little shit." Mathias hissed and glared at Emil who just waved innocently from across the room.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lovino asked.

"Just getting a drink. Even us therapists need a little wine in our systems every now and then." he lied. If Lovino wasn't here he would've ordered more wine than this. Now he wasn't sure if he would.

"I've never seen you here before." Lovino said. Before Mathias could answer someone whistled across from across the bar. It almost sounded like a catcall one would use for a woman.

"Hey pretty boy! I'm waiting to be served over here!" the burly man shouted. He sounded like he already had his share of drinks that night. Lovino sighed and walked over to the counter where the man was sitting. Mathias noted how miserable Lovino looked here. He looked nothing like the waiter with brown hair walking around with a smile.

For some reason Mathias stayed a lot longer than he should have to drink a couple glasses of wine. He sat in the same chair nearly unmoving until Lovino came back over about two hours later and said "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine kid. I guess I should pay up and get going." Mathias said and reached in his back pocket for his wallet. He handed Lovino a ten dollar bill. He looked at it oddly and said "I think you tab is a little more than this."

"I was going to pay at the register. That's just your tip." Mathias said as he walked up to the front where Toris would gladly take his money to put it in the machine. Lovino looked down at the tip. It was massive in perspective of all the other tips he's gotten. He stuffed it in a pocket of his waist apron and walked off. Maybe he was wrong about Mathias. There must be more behind the man who seemed to have an idiotic smile in Room 216. His smile reminded Lovino of the oblivious grin Antonio used to wear to keep everyone happy before he was shipped off to war.


	4. Bleeding Beach

**I don't know where I went with this. Poor Antonio bby. And you can believe security guards can be this rude and insensitive. **

* * *

"Slow down! We'll get to the beach soon enough!" Antonio said as he nervously clung onto the handle above him. Lovino grumbled something as he made a sudden turn. Belle, who was in the passenger seat, was just laughing. Feliciano and Antonio, in the back seat were bracing themselves on anything they could grab.

"Watch it! Dun' hit him!" Belle said and pointed to the jay-walker crossing in the middle of the street. Lovino sped up just to freak the guy out but missed him by a long shot. She couldn't help but smile even though her boyfriend just put someone in danger.

"Look it's the ocean!" Feliciano said and looked out his window. "Look! Look it's so big! I can't believe we haven't been here in so long!" Lovino, who was easily annoyed by his cheerful voice, decided to do something about it. The next turn he made, he made sure to make it as sharp as possible. Feliciano ended up hitting his head on the window and whining about it. "Antonio! He did it on purpose!" he said.

Antonio smiled wistfully and replied "There there. It's not even a bump." He gave a small kiss to Feliciano's head like he used to when he was little.

"Ugh, you guys are nineteen and twenty five. He doesn't need a kiss to make his booboo go away." Lovino said as he slowed down and pulled into the parking lot.

"Are you jealous Lovi?" Antonio asked teasingly. Lovino turned red and said "N-No, I just think you two are so weird you can't possibly related to me!"

"You're so cute when you're flustered." Belle added out of nowhere. This only caused Lovino to turn and even darker shade of red but he smiled a bit.

"Look, if I hadn't sped through all those streets then we wouldn't have gotten this space." Lovino said and parked. Feliciano and Antonio got out first. Feliciano ended up opening the door for Belle, which only angered Lovino.

As they unpacked the back of the car, Antonio was obviously carrying the most. Lovino wanted to show off in front of his girlfriend so for once he offered to carry the heavy chairs and umbrella. "Are you sure?" Antonio asked as he handed them to him. Lovino nodded and smirked as he found it easier than he thought to carry them.

"Wow, so strong." Belle said and cocked her head. Lovino smirked again and puffed out his chest. "Of course I am! What did you expect?" he said and held his head high. Antonio laughed and thought to himself "He's trying so hard to be a stud. He's getting so grown up."

They all walked down to the sand where they found a great spot right away. The group made sure to find a large area because they expected Roderich and his family to arrive soon. Arthur and his two brothers were also supposed to join them.

As Antonio was sticking an umbrella in the sand, Alfred shouted "Catch this guys!" They all turned their heads to the boy who threw the plastic disk. It whizzed past Antonio and into Feliciano's face. He shrieked in surprise and fell to the sand. Lovino laughed as Belle and Antonio went to check on his younger brother.

"Where did it hit you?" Antonio asked, trying to pull Feliciano's hands away from his face.

"Oh come on Feliciano. Don't be such a baby. There's barely even a scratch." Belle said. She was right. He only had a small scrap on the side of his (almost feminine) jaw line.

"But it hurts!" he whined. "If you stop crying I'll buy you ice cream from the snack bar." Antonio said. Feliciano immediately wiped his forming tears away and beamed at him "The kind in the cone?!" he asked.

"Uh..Sure." Antonio said, concerned at how immature he was acting. Maybe Lovino was right when he said he wasn't ready to be president of the company.

"Sorry Feliciano." Alfred said as he picked up his Frisbee. Arthur and Matthew followed behind out of breath from chasing after him.

"Alfred! I told you to wait for us!" Arthur said. Alfred was too busy chatting with Belle to be worried over why his brother was mad. So instead of scolding him more, Arthur started to set down his things. Matthew stood nearby and started to apply his sun lotion to protect his fair skin. He was asking Alfred to come put his on but he was too busy splashing around in the water.

" Yo Antonio!" Gilbert shouted as he came running from the parking lot. Antonio turned around and shielded his eyes from the sun using his hand. He squinted and saw Gilbert just as he stepped in the sand. Almost as quickly as he took a step, he fell face first. Ludwig knelt down to his brother whose face was smiling despite being covered in sand.

"That's why I thought you needed to wheelchair." Ludwig said and helped Gilbert up.

"No way Jose, I am not going to be restricted by a wheelchair when we're at the beach!" He said and brushed the sand off his shirt. He shook his head to get the sand out of his hair and smiled "Now let's go!" he said and took off running again. Ludwig watched as he stumbled a few times but he kept his balance. The other people on the beach heard the ruckus he was making and turned and stared. Usually Ludwig would've been embarrassed but he was just happy Gilbert wasn't feeling self-conscious.

"Be careful, you don't want to fall like Gilbert." Roderich said to Elizabeta. She pouted and replied "I'm not even four months pregnant; I can walk on the beach just fine." Roderich held his hands up like he was innocent and let her be.

"Are you going to get in the water? It's going to be really hot today so the ocean will feel really good." Gilbert asked as he approached Antonio. He smiled and put and arm around Antonio, partially because he needed help balancing and partially to make his friend feel better.

"I'm not sure. Maybe." Antonio said as if he hadn't given it thought before.

"You mean yes for sure! You have to get in! That's the whole point of going to the beach!" Gilbert said and pointed at the water. Antonio finally took the time to look at it and he smiled. It was beautiful. The sun's rays bounced off the crests of every wave and shimmered as the choppy waters calmed into rolling swells. For once, he felt like he was at peace with himself. Of course that all ended when he had a short flashback. Out of nowhere he felt like he was on a huge carrier ship and they was a small jet coming in to land. But something must've went wrong because it jerked awkwardly and it rammed into the side of the boat.

Since he had his arm over Antonio's shoulder, Gilbert felt him tense up. He sighed and thought "It's a shame he can't even relax here." Then he said "It's not real Toni. Why don't you put on some sun screen and then we can go in the water and show those waves who's boss!"

"Okay." he said, still staring at the ocean. Gilbert patted his shoulder and walked over to his brother. "Hey Antonio, catch." Lovino said and tossed a tube of sun screen. Antonio snapped out of his trance just in time to catch it. He looked around and saw the smiles on everyone else's faces and decided he should at least try to have some fun.

After putting on the lotion, Elizabeta asked him "Aren't you going to put some on your back and shoulders so you don't get a weird tan?" His brows furrowed and he replied "I'm not taking off my shirt."

"Why not? Did you let yourself get flabby after all of that hard training?" she teased and winked at him. He turned red and mumbled "No, it's because-" He was interrupted by Roderich who came over and put an arm around his wife. He looked at Antonio and asked "What're you two talking about?"

"No need to be jealous Roddy!" Antonio said with a sudden smile, "You guys make a perfect couple. I bet your child will be the cutest thing ever!"

Roderich blushed, embarrassed by how easily he was read. "Th-Thanks Antonio." he stuttered, obviously taken aback by Antonio's grin and cheerfulness. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised but Antonio wasn't nearly as cheerful now.

"Alfred! Don't go to deep!" Arthur shouted from the shallow water. His younger brother was splashing around with Matthew a bit farther out.

"We will!" Alfred replied before diving under a wave.

"Let's go!" Gilbert said and grabbed Antonio by the arm. He pulled him all the way to where the water was just up to their ankles when a wave came in. Antonio, who was one of the only few who knew Gilbert was self-conscious about his prosthetic leg, looked around to see if anyone was staring. Of course a couple people were, mainly children, but Gilbert didn't seem to mind. But he did notice.

After a couple minutes of them just chatting with each other a little girl walked up to them. "What happened to him?" she asked and pointed at Gilbert. Antonio knelt down to her as Gilbert just turned red. Gilbert knew enough to let Antonio talk. After all, Gilbert wasn't the best with little kids; especially ones he thought were shitty brats.

"His leg got hurt really badly and the doctors had to replace it with this to make it better." Antonio said with a smile.

"Why is he so white?" she asked. Antonio's smile turned into a nervous one. "You sure do have a lot of questions huh?" he said, "Well he was born like that and-"

"Michelle!" shouted a woman who came up and grabbed the girl's hand, "I told you not to run off from the others!" Antonio stood up and Gilbert got the confidence to look the woman in the eyes.

"I'm sorry for anything she said, she's a bit careless." the woman said as Michelle hid behind her. Gilbert said "Its fine. How old is she anyways? Like five?"

"She's not even four…And I'm sorry again. Let's go Michelle." the woman said and roughly pulled the girl away. As they were walking back to a group of children, Michelle was looking back, right into Antonio's eyes. He stared back and thought "She looks really bummed out."

"Thanks Antonio. If I opened my mouth to that girl I might've done something I shouldn't have." Gilbert said.

"No problem, Gil. Hey, do you think all those kids are her children?" he asked and looked over to the group of children. Gilbert looked over and replied "To be honest none of them even look related to her. You know I saw something like this before. It might be that she's just taking her foster children to the beach."

"Foster children…Oh." Antonio said and turned back to the water. "She was cute."

"Yeah most children are." Gilbert said awkwardly. They were defiantly having a weird conversation. Five years ago, it would've been Francis bringing up children and having a family while Gilbert said he had no time to slow down. Now he was forced to slow down with his prosthetic leg and all.

"Do you want a family?" Antonio asked out of the blue.

"God, you are so your brother's brother." Gilbert said, getting a confused glance from his friend. He sighed and replied "But I wouldn't mind dating again."

"I don't even know what I want." Antonio said.

"You mean….you're sexually curious?" Gilbert asked. Antonio burst out laughing and replied "No, no. I mean I'm not sure if I can be that 'passionate' guy I used to be. Besides, whatever girl that gave me a chance doesn't want to be watching over me. I'm already a burden on my family, I don't want to be a burden on someone else."

"Antonio," Gilbert said sternly. "you aren't a burden." Antonio looked at him and it registered in his mind what he just said. He put on another fake smile and played dumb. "I-I know but…I didn't know how else to put it. Uh…Look! Arthur's near the water!"

"Let's push him!" Gilbert said and ran to the unsuspecting man. Antonio followed but made sure not to pass him, he wanted to give his albino friend a little confidence in his stride.

"Wah!" Arthur cried out as Gilbert pushed him forward into the water. He quickly stood up and shoved him back, just not as hard. "What the hell was that for! You wanker!"

"Hahahahah! You're hilarious when you're mad." Gilbert said as Antonio helped him up. Arthur shook his hair and brushed it out of his face. "If I wasn't a gentleman I wouldn't give a second thought about pushing you into the ocean." Arthur said with a smirk.

"Lucky me then." Gilbert said sarcastically.

* * *

A couple hours later, after they ate lunch, everyone went back out to the water. Even Elizabeta and Roderich were walking up and down the beach. Gilbert had to stay under the umbrella because he was already sun burnt.

"It's not that bad." he said to Antonio who decided to stick with him.

"It'll get worse if you go out again. Just… rest a bit. Maybe take a siesta." Antonio said and laid back on his towel.

"Nope, when Ludwig isn't looking, I'll run back out there. No one can stop my awesomeness!" he shouted and raised a fist to the air.

"Okay, whatever you say." Antonio said with a smirk. Gilbert playfully flicked his ear and said "Don't be a smart ass with me Mr. Lets bite into a whole tomato."

"I thought it was going to be a good idea! I mean, I love tomato in all other forms so why not bite into a whole one like you would do with an apple." Antonio said.

"I like potatoes but you don't see my chomping down a raw one." Gilbert said.

As the two were arguing about food related stuff, some of the others were playing in the water. Arthur brought water guns for his brothers but since they weren't using them he decided he could put them to use. Feliciano wanted to join in the water gun fight but then he also wanted Lovino to join.

"Hey, Lovino!" he said as he came running over to him. He sighed and looked away from Belle as he asked "What is it?"

"Want to have a water gun battle with Arthur and me?" he asked.

"I'm kind of busy." he said and looked back to Belle. Feliciano glanced at their hands and saw them joined in the sand. "Belle can play too! She can be on your team." Feliciano said.

"That sounds like a great idea. Let's join Lovi, please?" she asked and gave him the puppy eyes. Lovino's lips trembled into a nervous smile but he gave in.

"Arthur do you want to be on my team!?" Feliciano asked the man with bushy eyebrows. Arthur was about to reply with a "yes" until Matthew came up to him crying.

"What happened now?" Arthur asked.

"I-I almost drowned because Alfred wouldn't let go of me." he said and wiped his eyes. Arthur sighed angrily and grabbed his hand.

"Sorry Feliciano, I have to play parent again. Why don't you ask Ludwig." Arthur said.

"Oh…That's okay." Feliciano said. He instantly turned to Ludwig who was reading under an umbrella. He ran over and asked him innocently "Ludwig! Come be on my team!"

"I'm reading." he said, not looking up from his book.

"Don't be a beach bum! Let's do something fun!" Feliciano said and knelt down next to him. He took the book from his hands and replaced it with a water gun before running back to the water where Lovino was waiting to squirt him with cold sea water. Ludwig sighed but decided to join anyways.

"Look at those dorks! Having a water battle." Gilbert said and pointed at them. Lovino who was comically hiding behind Belle. Feliciano was refilling his water gun as Ludwig took serious aim before shooting. Antonio looked over and his smile turned into a blank expression.

"Eat salt bastard!" Lovino shouted as he sent a steady stream of water at Ludwig's face. He braced himself as the cold water temporarily blinded him. As soon as Lovino was out of "ammunition" he smirked and started to shoot him back. Even though Lovino didn't like Ludwig he couldn't help but smile. Belle shrieked in glee as Feliciano tried to get her from his stance behind Ludwig.

"Looks like fun. I think we should have a turn." Gilbert said, still looking at them. Antonio was glaring at them, not sure what to think. The sound of a bullet tearing the air made him gasp. He had seen a gun pointed at his older brother and he swore his younger brother's were being assaulted. He couldn't let that happen. Not again.

"Hmph. I think Belle is winning- Antonio?" Gilbert asked when Antonio stood up suddenly. He started to march forward, but not like they were trained to do in the military. His stride was of a man who didn't want to run but he knew he had a destination he needed to reach. It took Gilbert a moment to realize what he was doing. That's when he shouted "Antonio! It's not real!"

Ludwig heard his brother shout something and spun his head in that direction. He saw Antonio walking towards them. He was walking like he was upset but his eyes were glazed over as if he was in a whole other world. When Antonio was just a few feet away he grimaced, baring his teeth a bit. "Leave my brothers alone!" he screamed. He pounced at Ludwig who was unprepared. He fell backwards and Antonio sat on his stomach. He wound up his fist and started to punch as hard as he could.

"Don't touch them! Don't touch them! Don't touch them!" he shouted with every punch. Ludwig tried to shield his face from him. He quickly realized he was a big guy. He was letting himself get beat up. But then again, he knew Antonio really didn't mean this. He didn't want to hurt the veteran.

Feliciano was shouting in panic as Lovino ran over. He tried to pull Antonio off of the blonde but got a wild elbow to the face. He fell back into the wet sand. Gilbert had tried to get up and stop Antonio but he fell in the sand again. He cursed and grumbled "Stupid fucking leg. Always getting stuck."

Ludwig got concerned for both him and Antonio so he decided to put a stop to this. He stopped both of Antonio's fists and threw him off of him and into the water. He had hoped the cold shock would've stopped him.

Belle, who was trying to stop Lovino's bloody nose, looked around. Everyone who was in the water around them had all frozen to watch the fight. A couple of young men were even chanting for them to continue.

When Antonio regained his footing in the sand he ran at Ludwig again. Though Ludwig had the muscle advantage, Antonio was trained in combat and knew exactly where to hit a big target. He got past Ludwig's arms, which he was using for defense, and did a strategic uppercut. Ludwig nearly lost his balance as his mind went fuzzy for a moment. In pure instinct he lunged forward and grabbed Antonio by the shirt. He raised his fist and in the heat of the moment he actually punched back. All of his common sense went down the drain as he pushed Antonio as hard as possible.

The tanner man made a thud when he hit the wet sand. The impact knocked all the air out of his lungs but the worst part was the rock embedded in the sand. He happened to hit his head on it, knocking him out in almost an instant. In pure reflex, he gasped for air but instead got a mouthful of sea water teeming with sand.

Arthur, who had seen the crowed form from his position, rushed over with Matthew and Alfred following. He pushed his way through the thin layer of men chanting "Fight! Fight!" and saw Ludwig holding his face in pain. He then saw the limp Antonio gagging and coughing in the wet sand. Before the next wave came in, Arthur sat him up. Feliciano came running back with a beach security man following. Fights weren't common on this beach but they knew how to handle it.

"Damn it Antonio." Gilbert said as he came through the circle. The security guard stopped him and said "We need to give him space. They're both going to need to spend a couple hours in the security station. There we'll find out if anyone is pressing charges or if they need some community service-"

"You don't understand." Gilbert started, "Just fix them up first and I'll tell you what's up."

"And why should I-" he started. Gilbert knew Antonio wouldn't like it but he needed to make a point across and use strong words. "Antonio has a disability that caused this. He can't control it. Ludwig here is my brother." he said.

Gilbert turned to Ludwig and winced. "Oh, he got you right in the face didn't he?" he asked.

"It just hurts." he mumbled wiping his face, only smearing the small amount of blood to seem like there was a lot more.

"Shit! There's blood everywhere. C'mon, let's go to the life guard tower." Gilbert said and started to lead him through the people.

"What happened to you?" Arthur asked Lovino.

" 'e 'it me in the nose." he said, holding it.

"I think we should follow Gilbert." Belle said and led Lovino away.

"Is Toni going to be okay?" Feliciano asked. The security guard, who had somehow dispersed the crowd, returned with two life guards. They brought the body board and lifted Antonio onto it. Arthur helped them with it as they walked back up the sand, leaving Feliciano to follow. But Arthur said "Watch after Alfred and Matthew for me."

Gilbert knelt in front of his brother and tried to wipe the blood away with a wet washcloth. "Don't tense up your face or I can't get it all off." he said to Ludwig. As he cleared the blood he saw where it was coming from. His nose and lip were both bleeding. "Damn, Antonio must be a lot stronger than he looks." he said with a smirk. "My God! That's going to be a black eye."

Lovino walked in and he couldn't help but smirk at Ludwig. "Well at least that didn't happen to me." he thought to himself. He took a seat near Ludwig as a life guard handed him some tissues.

Antonio was brought in; struggling against the straps that kept him on the stretcher they had to carry in. They set him down on the stand in the same room and locked the wheels so it would move. "Well, take the straps off." Arthur said.

"We can't until we know he isn't a danger anymore." said a life guard.

"Antonio isn't a danger to anyone." Gilbert said.

"Look at that guy there! He's a mess." said the security guard as he gestured to Ludwig.

"It was just a moment. He's fine." Gilbert said and stood up.

"Anger doesn't come out of nowhere like that. You said he had a disability so what is it? You said you would explain." the security guard said.

"Disability?!" Lovino asked, ignored by Gilbert. Belle calmed him down and tried to stop the bleeding,

"He has PTSD, okay? Leave him alone. He doesn't need strangers accusing him of being violent, he needs someone to listen to him without thinking he's crazy which is exactly what you jerks will do!" Gilbert said, raising his voice.

"Do you have proof?" the security guard asked.

"Proof? Proof?! What do you mean proof?! We served this country to protect your ass! You think you're a representation of keeping this beach in peace while we sacrificed ourselves to protect this country?! All we ask for is a little service back and trust that our own damn country cares about us! Look at my leg! I lost this at war! Do I need proof that my leg is actually gone?!" he shouted and pushed the guard's shoulder.

"Gilbert, calm down." Ludwig said.

"I won't calm down! This is bullshit! The least you can do for him is let him sit up!" Gilbert said and looked up at the slightly taller guard. His face was red and contorted into a grimace. "That's it kid. Veteran or not, that's disrespectful. Now, take a seat…or do I have to make you sit." he said. The two lifeguards had gone back to their duty of watching over the swimmers but they could both hear the argument.

"Leave it Gilbert. He wouldn't understand anyways." Arthur said and put his hand on Gilbert's shoulder. At first the albino gave a little resistance but then he gave in and took a seat. Everyone was a bit quiet until the security guard left. Once he exited the room to stand guard outside the door, Arthur stood up and quickly unstrapped Antonio on the board. He curled up on himself, quietly sobbing.

"Ugh, his shirt is filthy. It's torn and has blood and sand all over it." Arthur said, pulling on it. As he did that Antonio seemed to be struggling against it too. He was trying to pull it away from his body but the wet cotton was hard to move as it clung to his body.

"Just take it off; it's probably making him feel trapped." Ludwig mumbled. One of the life guards had come back down with a bag full of ice for him. Lovino was offered one as well but he decided to reject it.

Arthur tried to help him get it off but it only got caught up around his throat, causing whimper in discomfort. "Screw it." Arthur said and just ripped it. He pushed it to the side but was suddenly distracted by Antonio's body. It looked like it had been sculpted perfectly. None of his muscles were super defined but they were all smooth and utterly perfect. "Perfect bodies must run in the family." Arthur thought as he remembered Francis. In all his "" he almost didn't noticed the scars scattered across his skin.

"No wonder he didn't want to take his shirt off." Arthur mumbled.

"Yeah, no shit." Lovino said, "He's going to be cross if he finds he can't cover up his scars with a shirt."

"Well sorry." Arthur said in a sarcastic voice.

"Do you think we need to call Dr. Densen?" Gilbert asked Lovino.

"It wouldn't be any use. He's hours away and Antonio isn't his only client. I doubt he'd come all this way. I'm sure…I'm sure Antonio doesn't want to be consoled by him in front of the people he cares about." Lovino said.

"But what if we can't calm him down?" Arthur asked.

"What if he doesn't need calming down?" Lovino asked.

"What if we all shut up?" Gilbert said in a threatening tone. Everyone turned to him and he sighed. "I don't like it when people talk about Antonio like he isn't here. It's even worse when they do it when he's awake."

"Sorry." Arthur muttered.

"You hypocrite! You did the exact same thing to him just now. Saying he was disabled when you know fully well he isn't." Lovino said.

"I did it for him. Otherwise he'll be waking up in a cell at the security station not know what's going on. Without anyone to comfort him. You fucking welcome." Gilbert said.

"Shut the hell up! I know what's best for him and it isn't calling him retarded." Lovino shouted.

"I didn't call him retarded!" Gilbert yelled back.

"You might as well have!" Lovino said, "I thought you were his friend! I thought you were _our_ friend."

"Lovi, it's just a different word. Gilbert didn't mean it." Belle said quietly.

"Antonio trusted him not to judge him like that though. And that bastard goes and says shit like this." Lovino said, pointing at the albino who was growing upset.

* * *

Although everything was a mess in reality, in Antonio's mind, it was utter chaos. He heard them arguing but he didn't know what they were saying. The sound of guns firing and cannons going off was much louder than them. He squeezed his eyes shut and he was on the battle field again. The whipping of a helicopters blades faded in and out of his hearing.

When he managed to look down at himself, he was in his camouflage uniform again. He was covered in blood, again. His head started to spin as the red liquid seemed to soak through everything and onto his skin. He panicked and started to pull at it. He was desperate to get it off.

Suddenly the tightness in his chest had been reduced and he was able to relax for all of a second. That's when he heard Francis again.

"No one blames you."

Antonio grabbed his head and knelt down. "No…Stop." he whispered.

"I don't blame you."

He leaned forward so his head pressed again the dry, dusty ground. No matter how tightly he curled up, he couldn't just disappear. He couldn't escape Francis. He couldn't forget.

"Don't blame yourself."

Antonio looked up and saw Francis standing in front of him. He would've been relieved if it wasn't for the blood soaking the front of his torn uniform. There were scorch marks on his legs and arms. Blood dripped down into the ground, Francis's blood

* * *

The energy in the room had gone down immensely and everyone was calm. That is until Antonio screamed at the top of his lungs. Arthur, Lovino and Gilbert all rushed to his side. None of them knew what to do besides comfort him and say empty words like "It'll be okay" and "You're okay".

"Antonio, what is it?" Gilbert asked. He opened his mouth like he was going to answer but he just sat up and started coughing.

"He still has sand in his throat. Get him water or a bucket or something." Lovino said and pounded on his back to help him cough up whatever was choking him. Arthur found a bucket in the corner of the room and handed it to Arthur. He looked through the lifeguard's cooler and got a water bottle. He was almost sure they wouldn't mind.

Before he could hand it to Antonio, he stopped. The tanner man was already emptying the contents of his stomach into the bucket. It sounded violently terrible. Even Gilbert had to cover his mouth as he gagged. When he was done he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and went back to sobbing.

Lovino rubbed his upper back which was relatively void of scars. "I'm here for you Antonio." he said. Apparently that was something he wanted to hear because he rested his head against his younger brother.

After he calmed down, he finally noticed he didn't have a shirt on. He looked over Lovino's shoulder and saw the other's. He saw Ludwig's beat up face and the timid look on Belle's. He saw how worn out Arthur looked and how troubled Gilbert was. Then he leaned back and took a good look at Lovino's face. He was obviously concerned, but Antonio sensed a bit of embarrassment in his face too.

"What happened to your face?" he asked.

"You accidently hit me with your elbow." Lovino replied.

"It looks broken." Antonio said.

"That's what Belle said. But you're the one who deserves help. You can't help this." Lovino said.

"Did I do that to Ludwig's face too?" Antonio asked.

"Yeah… But he punched you back. Look, your lip is busted." Lovino said. Antonio reached up to his face and felt his swollen lip. He winced as his fingers brushed over his skin near it.

"No wonder my jaw hurts." he mumbled under his breath.

"Do you need anything?" Lovino asked.

"I want to go home." he replied shamefully.

"We will. We just have to sort stuff out with the stupid security. Have some water; I need to go talk to that ass wipe." Lovino said and handed him the water bottle. He watched as Lovino left the small room. Gilbert came up to him, sporting a wary smile.

"How ya doing Toni?" he asked.

"Fine. Y-You don't need to worry about me too Gil." Antonio said and crossed his arms, trying to cover the scars on his chest. "I need a shirt." he added.

"I don't know if any of us brought extra shirts. Maybe Roderich did, he's always one to over pack. I'll go ask him, okay?" Gilbert said and patted Antonio's shoulder. He nodded and the albino walked out to find his brother. Antonio looked up and locked eyes with Ludwig. More like eye because one of his was covered by an ice pack.

"I'm sorry I messed up your face." Antonio said.

"Sorry I knocked you out. I shouldn't have let my anger over come me like that. It isn't your fault." Ludwig said and sighed. Antonio looked down and stared at his hands. There was still blood on them, but he knew it wasn't Francis's. It was Ludwig's.

Gilbert came running back in with a wadded up shirt in his hand. "First, you have to clean yourself up though." he said and placed the shirt down on a chair. He asked one of the life guards passing by for a wet towel. Once he got one he turned to Antonio with a smile. "Okay, it's going to be cold." he said and gave him the cloth.

"It's fine." Antonio said as he wiped his face. When he looked up, Gilbert frowned. "Why are you crying again?" he asked. Antonio wiped his eyes and looked at the tears on his hand. "Oh…I guess I am crying." he said. "I didn't even notice."

Lovino walked in and said "The guard said we don't have to stay here anymore. But he does want to have a talk with Antonio."

"Was it that bad?" Antonio asked as he stood up. He stumbled forward a bit but Gilbert caught him. "You okay? You're usually more agile than this." Gilbert asked. Antonio softly pushed him away and sighed angrily. "Yeah I'm fine" he said and snatched the shirt up. He slipped it over his head, thankful for the privacy again. It was loose on him so the neckline slanted a bit to the left.

"I think I've worn this shirt before." he said and looked at the logo on it.

"Yeah but last time it wasn't so loose. Are you losing weight?" Lovino asked.

"I don't think so." Antonio said. He tried to remember his eating habits. He always had a small breakfast, even when both of his brother's ate with him. He usually ate lunch then he cooked for Feliciano and himself. Other than that he didn't snack. Or he snacked all day and never ate a meal.

"That's not important, come on let's talk to the jerk wad." Lovino said and walked out. Antonio followed and nearly tripped over an uneven floor board. That's when he noticed he was barefoot.

As they came out, the guard looked pissed off. Antonio didn't think this was going to end well for him. "So…Are you feeling alright?" the man asked.

"I'm fine." Antonio said. He said it so often it might as well be his catch phrase.

"Lovino was it? Do you mind giving us privacy?" the guard asked and shooed him away. Lovino leaned against the railing and crossed his arms against his bare chest. "Anything you can say in front of Antonio you can say in front of me." he said.

"Humph, alright then be that way. Antonio, despite your disability, this type of behavior isn't acceptable." the man said. Lovino frowned and Antonio's eyes went wide.

"I don't have a disability." Antonio mumbled, not making eye contact.

"You do, but I'm afraid I'm going to ban you from the beach for the next year. I'm sorry. You can spend the rest of the day here but you can't go back onto the sand. You can walk around the pier but we don't want you to disturb the peace anymore." he said, totally unfeeling. Antonio was clenching and unclenching the bottom of his shirt. When the guard didn't get an answer he asked "Do you understand?"

"Yes." Antonio whispered.

"Good." he said. Before he could say anything else insulting, Lovino pulled Antonio away.

"Do I have a disability Lovi?" Antonio asked. Lovino gave him a quick hug, knowing people were looking. "No, you don't." he said. They walked back inside and everyone was already getting ready to leave back to the beach.

"Where are you guys going?" Lovino asked.

"Back to the beach to get our stuff. I think we should leave soon." Gilbert said and looked up at his little brother, who just looked away.

"Antonio isn't allowed back out there, can you tell Feliciano to get our stuff. I think I'll take him to the pier. You shouldn't have to leave." Lovino said.

"No problem. We'll meet you at the pier or something." Gilbert said.

As they walked back without Lovino and Antonio, Elizabeta was obviously waiting for them. Once she saw Ludwig's face she gasped and ran to him. "What happened?" she asked.

"Antonio…But its fine." he said, still holding the bag of melting ice against his eye. The rest of his face seemed fine at the moment besides a couple bruises here and there.

"We need to get Antonio's shit, he's not allowed back on the sand over here." Gilbert said, grabbing his friend's sandals and bag.

"Is he okay? It was just a fit he had right? He didn't mean it. Right?" Elizabeta asked.

"I don't know what he was thinking. That's something he'll either tell Lovino or his therapist or something. I don't really want to ask but I do want to know. But…he seemed really upset too. Usually he seems like he could shake off whatever was bothering him but this time he just didn't want to deal with anything. I'm really worried about him ya know." Gilbert said. Elizabeta raised her eyebrows in surprise. Gilbert was rarely serious around her, especially not about someone else. The last five years must've changed him more than anything.

"I'm sorry to hear that Gilbert. I really am. Antonio's lucky to have a friend like you." she said and gave him a smile. He smiled back. She was right after all. Then his smile sank into a thin line. He wished he had a friend like that. It would usually be Antonio but he's in his own world most of the time. Ludwig tries his best but sometimes it isn't enough.

"You guys don't have to but I'm going to go find Lovino." Gilbert said.

"We're going too. I think the kids need to dry off some more before we go." Arthur said.

"Me too!" Feliciano and Belle said.

* * *

"Hot hot hot hot hot hot." Antonio hissed as he ran across the blazing cement. He found a spot of shade and stood in it. He had left his sandals on the beach and he had to wait for someone to get them. Lovino didn't speed up to match his pace but he did follow.

"Lovino, why did that guard think I was disabled?" Antonio asked. Lovino didn't want to say that Gilbert was the one who told him that but he was upset. How dare that amputee say that Antonio has a disability when he's the one with the real problem. He didn't want to make Antonio upset but he was so flustered at the albino.

"He said Gilbert told him you had a disability." Lovino said, not making eye contact. He heard Antonio make a troubled sound close to a whimper before asking "A-Are you sure? Are you sure it was Gil?"

"I'm pretty sure." Lovino admitted and finally looked up at his older brother. He looked close to tears again. He bit his lip and was wringing the bottom of the shirt in his trembling hands. Lovino didn't want him to make another scene when it was only them too.

"I bet he didn't mean it though. He probably did it for you." Lovino said. Now he was being a hypocrite. He was still upset at Gilbert but he didn't want to upset Antonio even more.

"Then why did he have to say that? I-I don't understand why-" Antonio stuttered, getting closer and closer to breaking into hysterics again. Lovino blushed and looked around, no one was staring yet. He gave Antonio another hug and said "Don't worry about it Antonio. Maybe you should wait in the car and I'll come back here and get our stuff. "

"No I'm fine." he lied and rubbed his eyes.

"Hey Antonio, Lovino!" Gilbert shouted and rushed over with bags in his arms. Antonio looked up and frowned. Lovino turned around and said "Thanks Gilbert. Is everyone leaving?"

"I think so. Elizabeta got tired and so did the kids. I guess that means I'm leaving soon." he said with a smile. "Oh, here are you sandals Toni." He dropped the open toed shoes and received no thanks from his friend. He didn't notice in the slightest bit.

"Do you want to walk on the pier before we leave?" Lovino asked.

"No, I just want to go home." Antonio said with a sigh.

"Then let's go!" Gilbert said and grabbed his hand to pull him along like he usually did. But this time Antonio withdrew his arm, and held it close. Gilbert looked back with a frown and asked "Why are you angry with me? I helped you today."

"It's your fault that they think less of me." Antonio said.

"What? What are you even talking about? Who's they?" Gilbert asked.

"The life guards and the beach police guy. Probably Arthur and Ludwig and Belle if they were there too." Antonio said.

"What did I say?!" Gilbert asked. Now he was feeling hurt. All he ever did was fight for Antonio and now he was being pushed away.

"You told the guard I was disabled! Y-You know I'm not." Antonio said.

"I didn't mean it Toni. I said it because I needed to get my point across. I had to get past his thought that you were just some violent sociopath. I was helping you!" Gilbert said.

"So now I'm a sociopath?! How is calling me disabled helping?!" Antonio asked.

"I didn't mean it!" Gilbert shouted angrily.

"Then why did you say it!?" Antonio shouted back.

"Because that's what everybody thinks damn it! They see you acting crazy and I need to give them an explanation off the top of my head. They don't take any other reason seriously unless I say that!" Gilbert shouted. Antonio had no come back for that. His green eyes went wide with hurt and sadness. His breath hitched as he held back sobs in his throat.

"Everybody huh?" he whispered, "I'm crazy?"

Gilbert instantly regretted his words and said "Antonio, I'm sorry it just came out. I was angry and I didn't mean it-"

"Sometimes anger brings out the truth. And sometimes the truth fucking hurts!" Antonio shouted angrily. Everybody in the area with the indecency to stare did it without shame. Lovino turned to them and yelled "What the hell are you bastards looking at!? Go away!"

"I'm sorry." Gilbert mumbled, knowing he screwed up big time. Antonio huffed and took off sprinting. Lovino instantly started to go after him shouting "Antonio! Stop!" Gilbert just stood there. All he ever did was held him and this was the thanks he gets after over a year of that.

"Gilbert, let's go." Roderich said without a comforting tone. Gilbert picked up his bags and turned around, trying to hide his forming tears by looking down. He pushed past Roderich with his shoulder and went straight to the car without uttering another word.

"I lost him. I hope he's safe." Lovino thought to himself as he ran in the direction he thought he spotted his brother.

Antonio could barely see as tears blurred his vision. There were so many emotions that were overwhelming him all at once but he didn't want any of them. He didn't even notice he ran into the parking lot until a car came at him. He froze only to stare at the driver.

It was Abel.

Thank God he was always on alert and was able to stop before he hit Antonio. He rolled down his window and asked "Antonio, what are you running from?"

"I-I…" he started but didn't know how to finish the sentence. Abel sighed and got out of his car. He opened the back seat and said "Get in." Antonio looked around him then decided to go with him. He didn't want to face Lovino, Gilbert or Ludwig anymore.

As he got in he asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Belle asked me to pick her up. My work is less than an hour away from here." he said, not wondering why Antonio was crying at all.

"I need to make a phone call, 'scuse me." he said once he parked. He got out and pulled his phone from his pocket.

* * *

Lovino himself thought he was going to cry. He would be devastated if anything happened to Antonio. Especially if it was his fault. When his phone rang, he picked it up immediately.

"Antonio? Antonio where are you?" he asked.

"This isn't Antonio. Didn't you see the caller ID?" Abel said.

"Oh…Abel. What is it?" he asked.

"I found Antonio. He's in my car in the parking lot." Abel said.

"Why are you even here?" Lovino asked.

"Belle asked me to pick her up." he replied.

"She did? But I said I would drop her off before work." Lovino said in a disappointed mood.

"Well. She seemed shaken up. She said…I'm not sure if I should say this but I will. She said she felt a little scared or uncomfortable being in the same car with Antonio." he said.

Lovino didn't respond for a moment as he thought it over. "I'll get Antonio now." he said and promptly hung up.

When Abel returned to his car, Antonio was already asleep. He stared at him in awe. He must've had a rough day. He'd have to ask Belle about it though. Within minutes Lovino came up, worn out and sweaty. Very unlike him.

"Where is he?" he asked between pants.

"In the back. He fell asleep. I'll walk him to your car. He's a lot heavier than he looks." Abel said and opened the back door. Antonio almost fell out because he was resting against the door. Abel grunted as he lifted the man onto his back to give him a piggyback ride to Lovino's car. They walked over in awkward silence. Feliciano was already waiting for Lovino. The car was packed and ready to go.

"What happened to him? Did he get hurt?" Feliciano asked worriedly as Abel put him in the back seat and put on his seat belt.

"No he's just upset. I'll tell you on the car ride." Lovino said. He turned to Abel and thanked him. "Tell Belle I'm sorry our day at the beach was ruined. I'll make it up to her." he said. Abel felt awkward for not being able to give any form of emotional support. He gave Lovino a pat on the back and said "Yeah, I will." Then he walked off.

* * *

On the ride back, Feliciano decided to drive, so Lovino could rant on and not go into road rage mode.

"I don't think I can go anywhere and not worry about Antonio. Even when I'm with him I'm worried I'll say something wrong. I don't want to keep secrets from him because it'll make it worse. I just want him to be independent again. What are we supposed to do?" Lovino asked, not expecting an answer."I want to watch him every minute to make sure he doesn't get hurt but then I also don't want to responsibility. I can't make him happy and everything I do makes it worse! I think we're dealing with something besides PTSD. The class never said anything about emotional break downs. We saw so many documentaries and stuff and whenever they had a fit, they would just freeze or act violently."

"I thought it affected everyone differently." Feliciano pointed out.

"It does but I'm not sure how to handle this. I wasn't cut out for the big brother role. You know how irresponsible I am! I need to rant more often but I can't always take it out on you." Lovino said.

"Maybe you need a therapist too." Feliciano said.

"Don't be stupid with me Feli." Lovino spat.

"I wasn't! But maybe Dr. Densen wouldn't mind having a family session." Feliciano said.

"And you wanna know another thing that bothered me about today?" Lovino asked, ignoring his little brother. "Belle asked her brother to pick her up because she was uncomfortable and afraid of being in the same car with Antonio. She'll never come over again if she's that afraid of Antonio! And I can't even help that! What if she dumps me? What if she starts spreading rumors and no girl wants to date me?!"

"Calm down Lovino. You're really handsome so even if she did dump you, you should be fine." Feliciano said happily.

"You aren't helping idiot!" he replied angrily.

"Sorry, sorry. But Belle is really nice and understanding. I doubt she'll break up with you because of Antonio. That's like you dumping her because Abel smokes." Feliciano said. Lovino sighed and said "Thanks Feli. You always knows what to say…Except when you're a dipshit."

"Hahahahah! That's what little brother's are for right?" he asked and nudged him. Lovino smiled sadly and replied "Yeah, that's what makes me such a terrible one."

Antonio, who had been awake for all of their conversation, sat still and motionless. No one was there when he needed to rant and no one deserved to be burdened with his problems anymore. He decided that tomorrow would be the day he would spill the beans and tell Dr. Densen as much as possible.


	5. Put the Phone Away

**Umm...Disaster around every corner?**

**I have a plan for a long(ish) story but I need more substance between important parts so I came up with this. Sorry not sorry. I hope it is okay though. I'm thinking about posting this on AO3 as well.**

* * *

Dr. Densen received a call from Lovino early Monday morning explaining everything that went on yesterday concerning Antonio. When his client came in that day, he knew something had changed in that man's soul. Maybe it was the feeling that came with instinct, maybe it was a lingering hangover. Either way he thought he was right.

He also became concerned when he saw Lovino with bandages over his nose. "Wow." he accidently said outloud. Lovino glared at him and replied "It's not broken or anything. Don't be an ass wipe." Mathias smirked and put his hands in his pockets. He soon left Antonio to his session.

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

That was Antonio's first words that day. Mathias looked at him oddly, "Afraid? What is there to be afraid of?" he asked.

"Afraid I might hurt you. Because I can't control it." Antonio said.

"No. No one should be afraid of you. Those who do, just don't know the real you. Now…Do you want to tell me what happened at the beach yesterday?" Mathias asked.

"So Lovino did tell you." Antonio said and slumped back into the couch.

"Only because he cares about you." Mathias said, "He told me you got violent with one of your friends because you thought he was shooting your brothers. How did you feel when you first saw them?"

"I was just confused. I saw them pointing guns at each other but I was so convinced they were being shot. I just ran at the biggest guy there." Antonio said.

"Why didn't you stop?" Mathias asked, finally putting down that damn clipboard.

"I couldn't. I just had so much panic." Antonio replied.

"Why were you panicked?" Mathias asked. They were actually making progress this time!

"I don't know it just happened…But I don't even remember it. They said Ludwig hit me back and knocked me out though." Antonio said, rubbing his cheek.

"Do you think you deserved that punch?" Mathias asked, showing almost no emotion.

"I deserved more than that." Antonio said and leaned back farther into the couch.

"I also found out when you woke up you were screaming. Do you remember what frightened you so much?" he asked.

Antonio thought about it for a moment. He remembered it was a type of flashback but it wasn't exactly what happened on the battle field. Francis didn't…Once he thought of Francis he started to force himself not to remember. "I was in battle again and I heard the noises. When I thought it was over I heard Francis again. But this time I saw him too." Antonio said, getting quieter as his sentence went on.

"Why do you think you're sensing Francis around you so much? I was told he wasn't as much of a problem when you were at the base. At the base you were more concerned about an attack and violence. What's different here that makes you hold on to him like that?" Mathias asked.

"Isn't that what you're supposed to tell me?" Antonio asked. He finally started to accept Mathias as a professional. Maybe he did know what he was doing. But those questions confused him. Not even Antonio had the answers.

"I'm not sure if I can unless you help me out a bit more. But let's change subjects for a moment. How do you feel today?" Dr. Densen asked, picking up his clipboard again.

"To be honest, I was an emotional wreck yesterday but today I don't really feel anything." Antonio said. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Is that physically or mentally. Emotionally?" his therapist asked.

"Mentally…No, emotionally." Antonio corrected himself.

"I see." Mathias said a bit sadly. But then he smiled like a child. "But that's no problem at all. You must just be worn out from yesterday. I'm sure you'll be back to normal with a little encouragement."

The rest of the session was relatively calm as Antonio went on and on about yesterday and his fight with Gilbert. He mentioned how sorry Gilbert seemed before and after he blew up and shouted at him. Both of them had completely lost track of time until someone knocked on the office door.

Mathias answered it with a smile and said "Hello! Can I help you?"

"I'm Arthur, is Antonio still here?" he asked and peeked in under Mathias's arm. Antonio leaned forward and spotted his friend. He faked a smile similar to Mathias's and said "Sorry Arthur. I'll come out right now." He stood up and cracked his back and neck. He had been sitting still for so long he didn't notice how stiff he was.

Antonio walked over without the usual pep in his step and kept his smile on. Mathias noticed his artificial grin and made a mental note. "Ready?" Arthur asked. Antonio nodded and turned to Mathias after walking through the door. "Thanks Dr. Densen." he said. His doctor was caught off guard for a moment but then he replied "Call me Mathias."

* * *

"Your therapist seems nice." Arthur said as he started the car.

"He is." Antonio said as if he wanted to say more but decided last minute not to. Arthur noticed the tone in his voice and decided not to ask the usual "Are you okay?" or "Is something wrong?" He surely thought that Antonio was tired of hearing that.

"When Ludwig punched you yesterday, you hit your head on a rock and it was bleeding." Arthur said. Antonio looked at him like he was insane and said "Really? That's what that is?" He searched for the source of pain on the back of his head and he found the small bump again. He didn't know how he got it and neither did Lovino.

"Does it still hurt?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah but its fine." Antonio replied as he rubbed it. Arthur didn't think Antonio was up for talking at the moment so he stopped asking questions and brought up a happier subject.

"Do you think Elizabeta will have a baby boy or girl?" Arthur asked. He wasn't very close with her but he knew enough.

"I think it's going to be a girl." Antonio said.

"What would you name your daughter if you had one?" Arthur said.

"I don't know. I don't see the point of thinking of stuff like that when I don't even have the energy to start dating again….Why don't you start dating?" Antonio asked, finally giving more than one sentence as a response.

"Well, as you know I don't have a lot of friends and this city isn't really homosexual friendly if you ask me. Francis was my first and only boyfriend. I don't know if I'm ready for anyone else." Arthur said as he pulled up in Antonio's driveway. He turned off the car and sighed. Pressing his back into his seat, he asked "Can I come in your house for a little? Alfred and Mattie aren't at my apartment so no one is waiting for me."

"Sure." Antonio said and got out of the car. As they walked up the steps, Antonio got out his keys. Once inside, Arthur looked around in amazement. It's been a while since he was last in this house. The outside was beautiful, though there were no decorative plants now that no one was gardening. It was a big house that allowed the air from other rooms to flow freely. Even though the house seemed opened and inviting, the energy inside was dull a bleak. Picture frames around the estate remained untouched and covered in a thin layer of dust. In them, there were plenty of pictures of the family with their grandfather. There were even less from the time after he died. But there were no recent one's that seemed to be taken after Francis's death.

Antonio had walked into the kitchen but Arthur wandered off into the hallway. He was studying every picture the family had saved. Once he got to the staircase, the pictures got more recent. He didn't know how he noticed it but he found a picture of Francis and himself. It was taken at their one year anniversary they spent at a nice restaurant. Antonio had taken the picture in front of their house when they came back. Near it was a picture taken three years later, before the three men were sent to war. They stood with their arms over each other's shoulders with bright smiles on their faces.

Gilbert with both legs.

Antonio with his happy by default attitude.

Francis with lively, blue eyes.

There was also another picture of all the families together. Feliciano and Lovino were just adolescents and still quiet emotional. They had tears in their eyes as they stood next to Antonio, he had an apologetic smile. Francis was carrying Matthew in one arm and holding Arthur's hand with the other. Alfred stood next to them sporting a peace sign. Gilbert was with his two brother's whose faces had smiles though their eyes were grimly watery. Elizabeta had taken the picture the day they left.

It was around this time that Arthur realized how lonely he was. He only saw Antonio on Mondays and his brother's would come and go as his parents picked them up. Other than that he didn't see his parents much. His coworkers all had lives of their own too. He was alone.

Arthur then went upstairs and found that this was the hallway where the bedrooms were. He didn't know who lived in which room but he remembered that Francis's was the third one on the left. To the right were tall windows which remained open most of the time. He stopped in front of Francis's door and stared at it. The door knob was dusty; no one had even tried entering the room in a while.

"Come in." Francis said.

Arthur looked around nervously. He knew he heard something that time. "W-Who's there?" he asked the empty corridor. When he got no answer, he was filled with an extreme impulse to open the door. Maybe if he did, he'd find Francis just over sleeping again. He just had to check…

"Arthur, what are you doing up here?" Antonio asked from the end of the hall. The blonde man froze, then withdrew his hand from the doorknob.

"I-I was just looking for the restroom." he lied.

"You've been here many times. You know the restroom is down there." Antonio said and pointed to the other upstairs hallway. He was completely oblivious to what Arthur was going to do.

"Right, I'm sorry." Arthur said as he moved past Antonio. He locked the bathroom door behind him and groaned loudly. "Damn it. I can't cry here." he told himself and turned the sink on. He splashed some water in his face, trying to shock himself back into his usual steadfast personality. No matter how confident he made himself, he still felt alone. His battle wasn't as bad as Gilbert's or Antonio's but it was still difficult.

After drying his face with a clean towel hanging in the room he walked out. First he looked for Antonio upstairs, when he didn't find him he rushed downstairs. He found the man sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Oh hey Arthur." he said like he was surprised to see him, "Feliciano should be home soon."

"Okay. Do you think he minds if I stay here a little longer?" Arthur asked.

"I don't think so." Antonio said and turned his attention back to the television. He stared at it for all of a minute before he lost interest. "Are you getting Francis's benefits yet?"

"I have to fill out a couple more papers and go to an interview before I can." he said and sat next to him on the couch.

"Why do you think they didn't entitle you to some of it in the first place?" Antonio asked. "You guys lived with each other."

"It's probably because we were two men and we weren't even married." Arthur said with a sigh. He found himself doing that a lot. "Don't you find yourself lonely a lot?" he asked.

"I've gotten used to it. Feliciano is gone in the morning and Lovino is gone at night. I'm only alone from four to six in the afternoon." Antonio said, muting the television. "Don't you ever feel…desolate?"

"Quite often actually. I'm usually alone. Even when I'm with Alfred and Matthew, I'm usually acting more as a parent which our mother and father have failed to do. I…I always feel like an outcast because I can't talk to anyone about my feelings anymore. You're actually the only person who ever listens without making me feel bad." he said.

Antonio turned to him with an apologetic smile, just like the one in that picture. Arthur locked eyes with him. "He looks so empty." Arthur thought to himself as he stared into his emerald eyes which were a couple shades darker than his own. His expression was the same as Francis's when he felt troubled inside yet still felt sorry for someone else.

Arthur didn't know what he was doing until he acted on it. He leaned into Antonio and joined their lips. He knew he caught the tan man off guard when his lips were frozen shut. As Antonio slanted back, he used his elbows to support him. Arthur had eventually forced his lips open with the tip of his tongue. Antonio had put up little struggle against the demanded embrace but he wasn't accepting it. He let out a whimper as Arthur's tongue went to explore his mouth.

Arthur heavily exhaled as he separated himself from the man who had slipped off his elbows and was now pinned against the seat of the sofa. He kept his head close to him and planted soft kisses along his trembling jaw. He lent his lips trail down his neck, down to his collar. Arthur undid the first button of his shirt and…

"No!" Antonio screamed and pushed Arthur off of him and onto the other side of the couch. Arthur was staring at him in shock, his chest heaving with every breath. His face turned a dark red and he said "I-I'm sorry Antonio! I just thought that…Nevermind forget it!"

Antonio looked at him as if he had been slapped. "You don't love me Arthur. You just told me that you weren't ready for another relationship. If your started dating now, you'd just be doing it to fill a hole in your heart. I think you're still hurting and just went to me because I listen to you. I…I like you…but as a friend. A really good friend, even despite how much we fought years ago. I miss Francis just as much as you do, just in a different way."

Arthur was surprised by how understanding and calm Antonio was about this. Tears welled up in his eyes and he looked away from Antonio. He felt ashamed for being read so easily. "You're right." he whispered.

"Instead of a kiss…or whatever you were planning to do…how about a hug?" Antonio said. Arthur glanced back up at him. His shirt was still unbuttoned on the top and his face flustered from the sudden embrace. Arthur basically threw himself into Antonio and wrapped his arms around him tightly. He started to quietly weep into Antonio's shoulder. "I just miss him so much." he cried. Antonio awkwardly petted his feathery hair and replied "I do too."

* * *

"Antonio! I'm ho~me" he shouted.

"That's great." Antonio said with little to no energy or excitement.

"Do you want me to make dinner or order something?" Feliciano asked as he sat on a chair in the room.

"No, I'm not hungry." Antonio said as he blankly stared at the television. Arthur had left just moments before Feliciano came in.

"You sure?" Feliciano asked. He was worried about Antonio, he never saw him eat anything.

"I'm sure." Antonio mumbled. Feliciano walked out of the room with his jacket over his arm. He made his way to his room and closed the door behind him. After setting everything down, he returned to the living room. Antonio hadn't moved a muscle in the last couple of minutes. Feliciano stood in front of him and waved his hand frantically. "Hey, brother." he said.

Antonio blinked once then peered up at Feliciano. "What?" he asked.

"I was just making sure you were okay." he said, "You seem distracted."

"I'm just trying to watch a show. But I've watched it before. Do you need something?" Antonio asked, willing to do something. Feliciano shook his head and the phone rang. He rushed to it and answered "Hello!"

"Hi, uhm…This doesn't sound like Lovino so I'm guessing this is Feliciano." Mathias said.

"You're correct! Who is this?" Feliciano asked.

"I'm Dr. Densen, Antonio's therapist. I just called because during our session today, I feel like several important points came up that you and Lovino should know right away to help Antonio best." he said.

"Oh…What is it?" Feliciano asked. It didn't sound like it was good news.

"Well first, I think he needs closure. He tells me about hearing his Francis on a nearly daily basis. He also says that while at the beach, he had a short vision of Francis who was injured and bleeding in front of him. That definitely has a direct connection with his death. That is, if he really saw his brother die. I'm not saying he's lying but he seems to be a quiet hysteric." Dr. Densen said.

"Quiet hysteric? What does that mean?" Feliciano asked as he grabbed a note pad and sat at the kitchen counter. He scribbled down the words being said to him on the paper.

"It's a term I've coined myself. But it means that the person in question may look normal on the outside by default. When they do show what they're feeling inside, it comes out in fits they try to hide if they can. The worst part is that they are constantly under the same stress but they always hide it. So if you saw Antonio when he woke up crying yesterday then you saw the chaos he's feeling inside." he said.

"But…he's fine. He always says he's fine. He hasn't broken down a lot. Maybe, around three or four times since he's come back." Feliciano said.

"I'm still not sure why he acts differently at home than he did at the base. But, there's something else that contradicts my quiet hysteric hypothesis." Mathias said.

"Huh? What's that?" Feliciano asked.

"I believe that Antonio has psychotic and/or major depression." Mathias said and paused to let it settle in Feliciano's mind.

"D-Depression?! But I thought those symptoms just came with PTSD." Feliciano said a bit loudly. He hoped Antonio didn't hear and fortunately for him he didn't.

"That's because with PTSD usually comes depression. The difference between the two is great though, but he can still have both. Psychotic depression is when someone has hallucinations and delusions. Major depression can leave and go through out a person's life. Maybe that's why he was so strongly affected at first but a few months later when he got home it came back. But it can lead to suicidal thoughts and actions." Mathias said, now sounding even more serious and grim than before.

"I see. But he's already taking Prozac. Is there something else he needs? How do we help him?" Feliciano asked frantically.

"For closure, I think a trip to Francis's grave would be a fine start. Make sure he's with family and friends who care about his brother too. But after the visit make sure you all remember the good times you had, and that he isn't here to suffer. As for the depression, make sure to listen to him if he wants to talk about how hopeless life seems. He wants to know that you understand him before you comfort him. If you interrupt, he'll think you're only stopping him out of blank knowledge. He needs to feel like you actually know something about his situation before you make a comment about it. If it turns out that you can't handle a situation and no one is there to help, call me. But if he's doing something dangerous and you can't stop him, don't hesitate to call the emergency number. Keep in mind that if he becomes a danger to others, which I highly doubt, you should find some special type of anger management." Dr. Densen said. Feliciano was surprised by all the information he knew. According to Lovino, he seemed too young and rude. According to Antonio he was nice but didn't seem like he knew what he was doing.

"Can't you do anger management?" Feliciano asked.

"No, I do physical rehabilitation and therapy along with dealing with PTSD cases." he said. "I can work with Antonio with anger if that becomes a problem but I wouldn't be as effective as a specialized person. It's not anger that's making him become violent though, it's the flashbacks."

"Oh…Do I tell all of this to Antonio?" Feliciano asked.

"No!" Mathias said suddenly, "I mean…I'll tell him next Monday. Don't worry. If you really want me to I can talk to him now. I don't think either situation will make it worse or better."

"I think now would be better." Feliciano said.

"Alright then." Mathias said and cleared his throat. Feliciano walked into the living room to Antonio still watching the television. "T-Toni. Dr. Densen is on the phone for you. He has something important to say so you should turn the T.V off." he said, only trembling a little bit.

"Really? Him again?" Antonio asked. He sighed but took the phone anyway. Before he said anything he shut the television off with the remote.

"Hello Antonio. Are you well?" he asked.

"I was just talking to you less than an hour ago. Did something happen?" Antonio asked.

"No, nothing's happened. I just thought you should know about something I noticed today. I'm sorry I didn't do it in person. I had to think it over for a bit before I knew what to say. Are you willing to hear what I have to say?" Mathias asked.

"I guess so." Antonio said.

"Antonio, are you aware you have depression?" he asked.

"I suspected." Antonio said as if it didn't shock him at all.

"Do you know what type you have?" Mathias asked.

"There are different kinds?" he asked.

"Let me explain." Dr. Densen said and repeated his speech on the types of depression he may or may not have.

* * *

Feliciano sat in the kitchen, messing with his phone as usual. Ludwig had stayed home from school today because his face hurt him a lot. He decided to send a long, happy text to him to make him feel better.

Antonio had the television on the news channel that was streaming live videos of a high speed chase on the other side of the city. There was a helicopter overhead keeping an eye on the suspect. It helped out a lot since it was getting dark. It was on mute as his therapist continued to ramble on about something Antonio felt like he knew. In all truth, Antonio wasn't paying attention to him or the news.

"Are you listening Antonio? This is very important." Mathias said. He was obviously pissed off.

"Of course I am. I might have a major in being a psycho." Antonio said as a joke. Mathias didn't appreciate it and he groaned.

"Please, take this seriously. It's either psychotic depression or major depression. Do you feel like the Prozac is doing enough for you? I might be able to prescribe you another drug or a higher dosage." Dr. Densen said.

"I think I'll be fine." Antonio lied. If he expressed no feeling maybe nobody could tell if he was telling the truth or not. He used to do that but in a happy tone. Lately it's been too hard for him to stay that cheery and optimistic.

"I'm going to try and trust your judgment. I hope you aren't lying to me again." Mathias said.

Antonio turned his attention to the screen again as he replied "Okay, thanks." The news was still only broadcasting the chase. The car being tracked down lost the police in the evening traffic as it turned into a parking lot. Suddenly, Antonio was focused on the television, ignoring his therapist as he saw a familiarity in the parking lot. It was at a grocery market. The car didn't slow down. From the aerial view provided by the helicopter, he saw some people crossing in front of the car. He held his breath as a person pushing a cart full of groceries shoved it forward into whoever was in front of them. Unfortunately it was them who got hit and dragged several meters across the pavement by his leg. The car lost control and ran into the front of another building sharing the parking lot. The camera focused on the person who was hit for all of a second and Antonio swore that he saw white hair on that person's head. The only albino he knew in the city was Gilbert.

"Antonio! Are you there?" Mathias asked, trying to get his attention.

"G-Gilbert…He's dead." Antonio said in a shaky voice. All of the emotions he was keeping in every time he thought he saw Francis was starting to leak out. His whole body started to tremble.

"Gilbert isn't in your house. It's not real." Mathias said.

"No! It's real he's on the news! Watch the news!" Antonio said with more panic this time.

"You're imagining it. What are the chances it would be him?" Mathias asked, trying to look at the reasonable side.

"No! He has white hair. No one else has white hair! He's not moving! That guy is his brother! He's dead!" Antonio said.

"Gilbert isn't the only person with white hair. Please calm down." Mathias said. He noticed that Antonio kept starting everything with no.

"No! My best friend died! It's my fault! It's 'cuz I fought with him yesterday. He's going to die mad at me! It's my fault." he said, staring at the screen.

"Even if it was him it isn't your fault." Mathias said. He was currently in his office right now. He wanted to know if Antonio was hallucinating or not so he went on the local news website. It was streaming live video of a chase now. He clicked on it and it was loading as Antonio said "I couldn't save him either."

* * *

Ludwig grabbed an orange from the kitchen and walked to the back of the house. He passed by the workout room and heard someone in there. After backtracking, he found Gilbert in there and he was actually working out. "Hey Ludwig! Spot me so I can finally do the bench press without killing myself!" he said.

Ludwig walked in and his brother immediately took the half of the orange he hadn't eaten yet. He sat on the bench press and asked "How much do you lift?" His mouth was still full of orange slices so some of it dribbled down his chin and onto his black shirt.

"I can lift enough. Why are you so set on working out?" Ludwig asked and started to load what he thought was the appropriate weight for his brother onto the bar. Gilbert smacked his lips when he was done with the orange and laid back. He wrapped his fingers around the bar and asked "Can I go yet?"

"Sure." Ludwig said and he placed his hands outside of his brother's. Gilbert lifted it off its stand and started a single set of twenty. "Aw, Ludwig. I can lift more than this." Gilbert said.

"Well sorry if I didn't think you were ready for more than this." he said. Once Gilbert put the bar back, Ludwig loaded more on.

"Heavier!" Gilbert said.

"It's already at one hundred and twenty pounds-" Ludwig said.

"I'll do it myself then." Gilbert said and got up. His brother stopped him and said "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"That's why you're here. So if it is too heavy then you can lift it. I'm sure a big guy like you can lift one hundred fifty pounds easy!" Gilbert said and punched him in the shoulder. Ludwig face palmed and said "That's not the point."

"Oh…..Oh~" Gilbert said and smiled smugly. "You're trying to keep my self-confidence up aren't you!? So I don't get all depressed and stuff! How sweet! But knock it off. It's time to work."

"Fine. I'll take it up to one hundred fifty but I'm not happy about it." Ludwig said and started to load up the weights again. Gilbert snickered and laid back on the bench press. They placed their hands on the bar and the albino started without warning. Ludwig was focused on his face, making sure that if he was in pain or struggling too much he would lift it up. To his amazement, Gilbert did it quite easily.

"Now one eighty." he said.

"Isn't that a big jump? I don't think it's safe." Ludwig said.

"Chill out bro!" Gilbert said, sounding an awful a lot like Alfred. "I can do it. Please? You never spot me."

"Fine but you better not try this when you're home alone. I don't want to find you suffocating when I get home." Ludwig said reluctantly. Gilbert smiled and thanked him.

When he started that set of ten with one hundred eighty pounds, he was off to a rough start. By the third lift he hissed out "Shit."

"Do you want to stop?" Ludwig asked.

"No." he said and strained as he pushed the bar up. On the ninth lift his pale face was red. He knew he went a bit too far this time but he would never admit. Ludwig didn't force him to stop for his precious, unstable self-confidence. He knew his brother talking like he had a lot but inside he was the biggest bully in his life. He might give himself a pep talk every once in a while and he would tell himself he was awesome. Especially when compared to Roderich.

"I did it!" Gilbert screamed as he finished his first set. He raised his hands and waited for Ludwig to give him a two handed high five. It took the blonde a moment to realize it but he eventually gave in and congratulated his brother. If Gilbert ever found out that his little brother could lift two hundred ninety pounds, he'd be conflicted with feelings of pride and shame. That's one of the reasons he was a modest guy after all.

"I'm going to go get some food. I'll cook for you or something!" Gilbert offered.

"We don't have anything to eat really. I was going to go to the market in a little but-" Ludwig started until he was interrupted yet again.

"No problem! I'll go to the market with you. Just let me change out of this stuff real quick." he said and sped off to the hallway. Ludwig sighed and made his way upstairs, prepared to help his brother up if he had fallen…again.

"See isn't this fun?!" Gilbert asked as he stood on the bottom tray of the grocery cart and rode it from the register to the front door. It slid open automatically as he slowly rolled out. He hopped off and waited for his brother who was just worn out from spending so much time with him. Usually he would've been just getting home from school and studying with Feliciano but he decided to give himself a break because his face was still healing from Antonio's attack on him yesterday. He wore an eye patch over his black eye. It was more like a bandage kept against his face using string that wrapped around his forehead.

As he exited the store, he got a text from Feliciano. Gilbert followed him into the parking lot as he checked the text.

"Ludwig! Sorry we couldn't study today, that just means you have to let me copy your work next time! Just kidding. I hope you're feeling better. Call or text me back when you can. How's Gilbert? Is he well? I hope he's doing better than Antonio. My brother is depressed, that's what his therapist says. It was a really scary phone call. Next time you should come over and answer our phone!" it said.

As Ludwig was reading the text, Gilbert was pushing the cart behind him. A car rushed into the parking lot from the street and didn't stop. In fact it sped up. Gilbert turned to the noise and his heart rate sky rocketed. He looked to his brother who was preoccupied looking at his phone. He was even smiling at whatever he was looking at.

"Move!" Gilbert shouted as he shoved the cart forward as hard as he could. Ludwig was pushed forward along with the cart. The cart tipped over, spilling all its contents onto the pavement. Gilbert had a moment of relief knowing his brother was out of the way, then he felt the car hit his body.

It took Ludwig a few seconds to regain his bearings. At first he thought his brother was being reckless and accidentally pushed the cart too far. Then he looked to the left and saw Gilbert's limp body thrown onto the ground. The car that hit him had lost control and crashed into one of the buildings for rent.

"N-No." he whispered. He got up on his feet even though he was a bit dizzy and ran to his brother. He slid on the soup and fruit that was littering the ground in between them. He knelt next to his brother and turned him so he was facing him. Gilbert's red eyes were closed but there was plenty of red on him.

Police cars, which were chasing the speeding driver, turned into the parking lot and stopped around the criminal's car. They took out their guns and pointed at the car as they slowly approached it. People from inside the store started to pile out, recording the scenes on their mobile phones. Once Ludwig noticed them he shouted "Don't just stand there watching! Call the emergency number goddammit!" A woman came running out with her phone to her head.

"T-There's a man on the ground! He was just hit by the car being chased by the police. He needs an ambulance now!" she screamed into it as she knelt on the other side of Gilbert. Ludwig was holding his brother close to his chest, not caring about the blood seeping into his shirt.

"Don't you dare fucking die now Gil." he whispered into his white hair.

"His leg! Where's his leg?!" the woman shouted. Ludwig looked down and saw Gilbert's pants ripped from the knee down. He almost panicked even more until he realized that the leg was gone for a while now. Instead of worrying about anything else, he was worried about his brother. There was so much blood he didn't know where it was coming from. Gilbert's breathing was so shallow it was almost nothing.

Once the ambulance got there, paramedics rushed to them. Ludwig was forced away from Gilbert who they brought a stretcher for. It reminded him of yesterday when Antonio had to be carried off the beach on a stretcher.

"Sir, are you okay?" someone asked him. Ludwig stood up and nodded a yes. "I'm fine..J-Just help my brother." he said.

"We will. First can I have you enter the back of the ambulance?" he said and lead Ludwig to it before he even responded. He would've agreed anyways. Along with him, in the back was his brother and another paramedic. He was wiping the blood of the pale skin of his brother. To be honest, if you judged life by skin, Gilbert looked dead every time he slept. Right now, he was just asleep.

"Can you wiggle your fingers and toes?" the paramedic asked. Ludwig did so and nodded.

"Now…We've already noticed that your brother already has an amputated leg. So we'll call the police and tell them to find his prosthetic leg. Is there anyone you want us to call? Someone to get your car or meet you at the hospital?" he asked.

"My brother Roderich." Ludwig mumbled and rubbed his face. He wanted to cry so badly but he had to stay strong for his brother.

"Do you have Roderich's number?" the man asked.

"It's in my wallet." Ludwig said and pulled out his leather wallet from his back pocket. He took out the slip of paper and handed it to the man.

"Hurry up!" shouted the other medic to the driver.

"What's wrong with him?" Ludwig asked immediately after that.

"He's sustained a head injury which might've caused brain damage. I can't tell how serious it is until we get him to the hospital." he said as he tried to stop the bleeding coming from the back of his head.

"Brain injury…" Ludwig repeated. He let that sink in. He was prepared to care for a brother with less than two legs, but he wasn't sure he could help him with brain injury. What if he lost language? What if he's put into a coma? What if he doesn't remember who he was? All these questions circle in his mind on the way to the hospital.

* * *

"He's dead. He's dead. He's dead." Antonio repeated almost like a chant. He had dropped the phone but Mathias didn't hang up. His client was right, it seemed like Gilbert who had gotten hit. Feliciano came in when he heard Antonio shouting. He gasped and went straight to Antonio who was trembling.

"What's wrong?" Feliciano asked. Even though he didn't know what was wrong, he felt like crying already. Why couldn't he be strong like Lovino seemed to be?

"Gilbert's dead. He's dead."Antonio said and pointed at the television. All Feliciano could see was police cars, a small car in the front of a building and an ambulance rushing away. Someone's cart full of food was scattered on the ground.

"What do you mean he's dead? Was he at that crime scene?" Feliciano asked.

"He's dead." Antonio said.

"Brother stop! You're scaring me." he said with tears in his eyes. Now he was shaking. Antonio was already a little too far gone to care about the chaos he was causing his younger brother. Feliciano looked to the television as they talked about someone getting hit by the car. A man. Sure a man didn't narrow it down much more but it was something to convince Feliciano it wasn't just imagination. Feliciano grabbed the phone and asked "Dr. Densen are you still there?"

"I am…I don't think Antonio was seeing things." he said in awe. He sincerely thought Antonio had just proven he had psychotic depression until he found out the story was true. He was staring at his laptop screen for more information on the person who got hit.

"What do I do? Antonio just keeps saying he's dead. It's scary." Feliciano admitted. At that moment Mathias realized something, he needed to be paying more attention to Antonio, not the media.

"Is he hyperventilating? Is he paying attention to you and responding to your questions?" he asked.

"He's just shaking and he isn't paying attention to me. Is he going into shock or something?" Feliciano asked.

"No not shock. Just an episode. He's afraid Gilbert died being mad at him. He's grieving before we even know his fate." he replied. "Is Lovino home?"

"No he won't be home until later tonight." Feliciano said. "I'll just tell him when he gets home. I don't even think he's that good of friends with them anyways."

"Okay, back to Antonio." Mathias said, not wanting to get off track again.

"He's…asleep?" he asked himself. "Is that okay?"

"I'm not sure if he's tired or maybe his mind didn't want to deal with the situation so he just blacked out. Make sure he's asleep in a safe place in case he lashes out again." Mathias said.

"Okay I will. Thanks doctor." Feliciano said and hung up.

* * *

Mathias let out a loud, irritated sigh and leaned back in his office chair. He was stressed out now. Not only did he just diagnose his client with a serious condition, but now Antonio has one more reason to be upset. He didn't know Gilbert but he knew he just came back from a war. He made it through all those hardships just to have another interruption in his life.

He rubbed his face angrily. He wished he didn't have to be burdened with everyone else's problems but this is what he signed up for. "I need a drink." he told himself. He grabbed his coat and headed for his car.

When he arrived at the bar Lovino worked at, he didn't have the heart to greet the man like he usually did. He just sat at the counter and put his head in his hands. He didn't want to regret being a therapist, but he did want to forget for a moment. Toris came up to serve him. "Hello um…Mathias was it? Would you like your usual wine?" he asked politely.

"No, I need something stronger. Can you make me something stronger?" he asked, desperate to get drunk.

"I suppose I can. What would you like me to make sir?" he asked.

"Long Island Ice Tea." he said.

"Oh…Okay!" Toris said, almost letting his friendly smile falter. Mathias noticed this. He remembered how many times his friends told him to knock off the idiot smile. He was just trying to be happy for them but they weren't the more understanding people. Tino was nice and Berwald was an asshole to him. But he took it, knowing he's probably just as rude back to them. Emil and Lukas often hung out with him and went drinking with him but lately they haven't. They've all been busy with their own lives while Mathias has been overloaded with his clients. His only free days were Sundays and Thursdays.

"Hey Mr. Densen." Lovino said blatantly as he passed by. "How's Antonio?" Surprisingly, his voice wasn't affected by his nearly broken nose. The bridge of his nose was covered with a white bandage.

"I prefer not to think about work at the moment." he said. "But I will tell you this kid, your friend Gilbert got into an accident."

Lovino froze. "What kind of accident?" he asked.

"I believe he was hit by a car." Mathias said as Toris served him his hard iced tea.

"Is he okay and how do you know?" Lovino asked, now doing his task again.

"I don't know if he's even still alive." Mathias said. He realized that should've been kept in his head so he instantly added "But they haven't said much about him yet. It was on the news a while ago. Maybe it's still on the news."

"I'm changing it to the news." Lovino said. There was a a couple televisions in the corners of the room. He found the remote control and changed one of them to the single digit channel. Several men who were watching a sports game on there sighed and shouted in anger.

"Oh blah blah! Shut the fuck up." Lovino shouted. The game was still playing on the second television in the adjacent corner. Mathias was passed his drink by Toris and he turned to the screen. They were still talking about the chase and what led up to it but they dare not show the footage they caught of Gilbert's body being dragged against the pavement. Or maybe they would...

"I see the food all over the place and the knocked over cart. But where are they?" Lovino asked.

"Well you see the big blonde guy running. That's Ludwig. Just outside the frame is Gilbert." Mathias said, pointing at the corner of the screen.

"How do I know you aren't shitting me?" Lovino asked.

"What? Why would I lie about this? Doesn't that guy look like Ludwig?" Mathias asked. "C'mon man! I've only seen one recent picture of that guy and I know it IS him."

Lovino turned to the "doctor" astonished by how he was acting now. You would never had guessed this man was in the field of medicine or therapy by his casual personality. He got drunk almost every night but his patients and clients had no idea every morning he had to take medication to cure him of a hangover quickly. While he acted like his life was great and he had lots of money from his important job, the truth was he drank so much it wasn't an amount he'd like to brag about. If it weren't for his small group of friends, he might have been depressed himself.


	6. Gil's Guardian Angel

**My school starts on Wednesday, August 6th, so I might not be able to post as often. I know I don't do this regularly already but it'll be even worse this next week. Thank you for all the reviews and follows.**

* * *

"Ludwig! I came as fast as I could! What's happened?! Where's Gilbert?" Roderich asked in the most panicked tone he could muster. He was dripping with sweat, which he rarely did, and had even run here.

"He's getting a brain scan or something." Ludwig said as he sat in the hospital room Gilbert was going to come back to.

"Oh thank God he isn't dead." he said and dragged himself to a chair. Elizabeta was following him but stopped at the door. "It feels weird in here. Like…we shouldn't be in his room." she said.

"Don't be silly. It's fine." Roderich said and gestured for her to sit near him. She gave in and walked in despite the odd feeling she got.

"What happened to the guy who hit him?" she asked.

"He's being charged with reckless driving, car theft, and even involuntary man slaughter if Gilbert dies." Ludwig said.

"I hope he gets capital punishment." Elizabeta said. Both her husband and brother in-law looked at her awkwardly, surprised at her violent ways. She blushed and asked "What? He hurt Gilbert!"

"Even if they did want to give him the death penalty it wouldn't happen…Maybe they would send him into war!" Roderich said.

"There are rumors going around saying that the government might enforce a draft. Do you think they will?" Elizabeta asked, now back to her timid mood.

"I can only hope not." Roderich said as she hugged his arm. Ludwig sighed and rubbed his elbow. His only injury was a scrape on his arm. Although he was worried about Gilbert's head trauma he was also concerned about any other damages. With the secure prosthetic leg being ripped off, it couldn't have been easy to rip off in such a rash manner. He could also have road rash which is irritating to move, stretch and put pressure on.

A doctor came in with a clipboard. It seemed like all doctors had clipboards in this city. He tried not to show emotion but all three people in the room knew the grim look in his eyes didn't mean good news was coming. "Are you all family of Gilbert's?" he asked. They nodded.

"Well first off I guess I should tell you about his head injuries. We've stopped the bleeding on the outside but inside its apparent there is brain damage. It was caused by a concussion caused by whiplash when the car suddenly jerked him. Until he wakes up we can't tell how this will affect him. But the concussion has caused slight swelling in the temporal lobe, but it's so minor we won't suggest surgery." the doctor said as he read the chart on his board.

"What does the temporal lobe do?" Ludwig asked.

"It controls recognition of smells and sounds. It also is responsible for making sense of complex stimuli like scenes and faces. It helps in the formation of long term memories." the doctor said, knowing where this was going.

"So..." Roderich said trailing off to another question but deciding not to. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. He didn't want to worry Ludwig or Elizabeta more than they already were. Surely they were thinking that same thing as him.

"Gilbert will be returning to the room momentarily. At this time he's still unconscious." the doctor said before ducking out of the room. Ludwig groaned and said "It's all my fault."

"Huh? It's the driver's fault, don't blame yourself." Elizabeta said.

"No, it's because I was using my phone in when walking in the parking lot. Gilbert wouldn't have gotten hit if he didn't have to worry about me." Ludwig said. Roderich had heard the strain in his voice as he kept the tears away and sobs down his throat.

A receptionist from the emergency room counter popped in at the door way sand said "There are a few men in the waiting room saying they wanted to see Gilbert but I'm afraid I can only allow family in. Would you like to talk to them?"

"What do they look like?" Roderich asked.

"One of them addressed himself rather rudely as Lovino. There are three of them." she said.

"It's Lovino, Feliciano and Antonio. I'll go talk to them." Roderich said and stood up. He walked with the receptionist and searched around the waiting room. Of course before he even spotted them, Feliciano ran up and hugged him. "I'm so sorry Roderich. This must be terrible." he said in his post-crying voice. Roderich awkwardly patted his head and said "Its fine. He's not dead…yet."

He joined the three brothers in the corner of the waiting room. Lovino looked tired and upset while Feliciano just looked worn out from crying. Antonio looked dead. He rested his head against the wall and stared at the other one blankly.

"Antonio…Are you okay?" Roderich asked. He lifted his head and turned to his friend with a wary smile. "Yeah perfectly fine." he replied, "Is Gilbert dead?"

Lovino smacked the back of his head and said "You don't just ask people if their brother's are dead you bastard. You of all people should understand that."

"It's quite alright Lovino, no need to get all violent. But he isn't dead. They said he has brain damage but they can't figure out how serious it is until he wakes up." Roderich said.

"Brain damage huh." Antonio mumbled to himself.

"It's really empty in here. There was a guy who ran in screaming, he cut off two of his fingers and there was blood everywhere." Feliciano said.

"Poor him." Roderich said, almost uncaring. "Anyways. I think you guys should go home and get some rest, it's already eleven at night. They say Gilbert probably won't come to until tomorrow. If it lasts longer than that it's considered a coma."

"Ok, you heard him Antonio, we don't have to wait here." Lovino said, almost glad they could leave.

"But what if he-" Antonio started but stopped when he saw how exhausted his younger brother looked. He sighed and said "Nevermind. Thanks Roderich, call us if something happens."

"I will, try to get some sleep." he said and walked with them to the hall. Feliciano stopped a pulled the shirt Roderich had lent Antonio. He handed it to him and said "I almost forgot about this. I washed it so…yeah! Tell Gilbert we hope he gets healthy!"

Roderich managed a smile and said "Thank you Feliciano." When he returned back to the hospital room, Gilbert was already in the bed. His usual pale skin seemed equal to the white in the room. Ludwig was holding his hand and hanging his head down, as if muttering a prayer but this family wasn't as religious as Antonio's.

"Did they say anything new?" he asked and took his seat next to his four month pregnant wife.

"Just that he lost a lot of blood so they did a quick transfusion. And that they would show us the scans in a minute." Elizabeta said. Roderich looked over to his older brother and noted that he looked just as dead as Antonio did in the corner of the waiting room. He himself, was too wimpy to join the military, much less go into several battles. All three of his friends who went to war were some of the bravest men, too bad he couldn't be like that. When people looked at Gilbert and Ludwig, they wondered what the hell happened to the middle child. How did he end up so prissy. Roderich liked his life and knew that even if he wanted to be more daring, he had a kid to think about now. He was going to have to watch over this baby for the next eighteen years or so then miss them as they live their own life. What if Gilbert never got a chance at having a family?

* * *

Gilbert's mind was a jumble of sensations at the moment. He wasn't aware what was happening outside of his body but inside he could feel a pulling. Something was pulling him away from his physical feelings and towards a more peaceful place with zero problems. He was happily following this feeling when he saw a light. The light seemed to take away all his thoughts and make him a numb, happy person. But if he went to this light, he wouldn't really be a person anymore. He was so close to bliss before he felt like his body was hit by a car, again.

Now he felt like he had a body. Gilbert groaned as he was knocked on his side. The ground was hard but covered in grass. He glanced up and saw a large tree. After sitting up, he started to look around. It was grass as far as he could see except for that one tree. When he turned back to that tree, someone was in front of him. He didn't recognize the face.

"Take my hand." the man said. Gilbert did so and was helped to his feet.

"Where am I?" Gilbert asked. The man smiled and replied "It's not the afterlife I'll tell you that."

"The light was…Who stopped me!?" Gilbert asked.

"I did~" he said happily as he cocked his head. His perfect blonde waves moved elegantly with his motion. His face was so perfect; he must've been an angel or something.

"Who are you?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh…You already forgot me?" he said a bit sadly but with a smile besides that.

"Forgot? Did we meet?" Gilbert asked.

"Hmph, be that way then. You should be glad to see the magnificent me in all my glory." he said jokingly.

"Are you God?" Gilbert asked.

"Nonono. Far from it." he said waving his hands frantically. Gilbert took a moment to reflect on his words. He had been asking who this blonde guy was when the real question was, who was he?

"Gilbert…You're name is Gilbert." the man/angel/ghost/fairy/spirit thing said.

"I-I knew that." he said, defensively.

"Just making sure then." the taller man said and held his hands up innocently. He scratched his chin which was covered in light stubble and said "Well, I'm afraid I can't say much more. But, it wasn't your time Gilbert. You aren't dead yet and frankly I hoped you would've been harder to kill than that. I had to use all my force to keep you away from the light."

"I was dying?" he asked.

"Yup! But I stopped it. You're welcome. Maybe one day you can pay me back." he said. "Why don't you pay me a visit sometime?"

"But I don't even know who you are!" Gilbert said.

"That's fine, you can call me Big Brother!" he said and gave him a wink, "Because I'll always be watching over you!"

"That's…nice…I guess." he said, shivering as a cold wind blew. The blonde man looked around and said "I suppose I should take my leave now. Live long a prosper Gil! Try not to die!" His voice got farther away as if he was shouting from a distance. His smile was too iconic to forget. As the beautiful scene started to fade, Gilbert felt himself unraveling. He could feel pain again and it was choking him. His side hurt, and so did his arms. He looked down and his right leg started to disappear. It wasn't painful but it still made him panic. He reached for it but his fingers slid right through the shadow. His torso was forced back like he was laying down. He wanted all of this to stop. All this pain was returning and he couldn't call any one for help. Gilbert felt his head start to hurt, coming from what must've been a wound in the back of his head. He let out a whimper but there wasn't anyone here to hear it. He squeezed his eyes closed, hoping to escape it.

When he opened his eyes again, he was staring at a white ceiling with an air vent just a few feet away. There was a rail for a curtain and a window to his right. Beeping was the only noise in the room. It came in a slow, constant pace. There was something over his nose and mouth. The air coming from it was cold and welcoming. He heard something shuffle to the right of him next to the window. It took him a moment to register it and glance over.

A man had fallen asleep. He had broad shoulders and blonde hair which was limping forward and hanging over his forehead. His face was bandaged slightly like he had gotten into a fight. Other than that, he was alone in the room. He stared back up at the ceiling and sighed. He recognized this as a hospital and remembering what Big Brother said, it was because he was going to die. Was he still dying? Was it because of his leg?

Speaking of his leg, he moved his hand slowly to it. If he leaned over so his palm ran down his thigh, he found that it was gone just a few inches past his fingertip's natural position. But that didn't hurt. What hurt was his head and his left side. He felt like he was dragged against a cheese grater. The beeping sped up a bit.

A doctor walked in, jolting the broad shouldered man awake. Gilbert froze, not knowing whether or not he wanted to be awake. But he was soon found out.

"Gilbert, are you awake?" the doctor asked. It took the albino a moment to remember that was his name but he looked at the doctor, letting him feel acknowledged.

"Oh Gilbert I'm so sorry." Ludwig said.

"Sorry…for what?" he asked, still really tired.

"For making you worry about me before yourself. It won't happen again." Ludwig said, close to tears. For some reason, Gilbert didn't expect something like that from such a big guy.

"What did I do?" he asked.

"Do you remember anything?" the doctor asked.

"I remember…Something about the military." he mumbled.

"You were in the army for five years." Ludwig said.

"Wait…Who are you?" Gilbert asked. He didn't want to be questioned by people he didn't know. The look in the man's blue eyes plummeted. Maybe his soul shriveled up and died because he froze, just glaring at Gilbert.

"Really?" he whispered.

"Yeah, really." Gilbert said.

"I'm your brother." he said, "You're younger brother, Ludwig."

"Oh, do you know Big Brother?" Gilbert asked.

"You don't have a big brother Gil." he said.

"But…Who else could he be? He saved me!" Gilbert said. His heart rate sped up a bit more.

"I was the only one with you." Ludwig said.

"Was big brother one of the doctors? Was he in a white jacket?" asked the doctor.

"No…Are you someone I should know too?" Gilbert asked and pointed at the doctor. He shook his head.

"Does this mean he won't remember any of us?"Ludwig asked.

"I'm not sure but I believe if he doesn't remember you of all people, he won't remember other close friends and relatives either. Our main focus is the physical and mental health of our patients. As well as emotional if that is what it comes down to. You both can decide what's best for the patient. We can work on mental state first and have a couple people come in at a time. But I recommend that we get the rehabilitation for getting him used to a new prosthetic leg." the doctor said.

"All that? Can't I just get a leg and then…and then go home?" Gilbert asked.

"Due to the military funding we are required to go through all of the steps even if the patient requests otherwise. I'm sorry." the doctor said and walked out.

"Do you need anything Gilbert?"Ludwig asked.

"I need to go to the restroom." he moaned and rubbed his forehead.

"Oh…This room doesn't have one." Ludwig said, "I'll be right back."

He returned with a wheel chair and said "I should be able to move you. Can you sit up?"

Gilbert sat up and looked at the IV in his arm. He sighed as he moved the blanket and sheet off his body. He moved his leg over so it hung over the edge of the bed. He could still feel it and move his toes so he must be fine. Once Ludwig got him into the wheelchair, he handed him the IV stand so he could take it with him.

"Why are you the only one here? Am I that lonely?" Gilbert asked as he was wheeled down the hall.

"Our brother Roderich and his wife Elizabeta. Three of our family friends came but they weren't allowed in because they aren't kin." Ludwig said.

"Really? Hey wait a second, why isn't Roderich here then?" he asked.

"His wife is pregnant and it was getting late. The roles have changed for them because usually Eliza is protecting him but now he's overprotective of her and their baby." he replied.

"Ok." Gilbert said. They stopped in front of the single person restroom at the end of the hall.

"Do you think you need help?" Ludwig asked.

Gilbert blushed a bit and replied "As long as they have rails I should be fine. I-It's weird to have you in there with me."

"Hey, I'm not comfortable with it either. Do you want a nurse or something?" he asked.

"No I want to do it myself." Gilbert said as Ludwig pushed the wheel chair into the wide room. Wide for a restroom anyways.

"At least let me help you stand up." Ludwig said.

"Fine." Gilbert gave in. He knew he was basically helpless at the moment. Ludwig seemed to go on with the situation as if he knew him. Gilbert still felt odd around someone who might as well have been a stranger.

"Okay there, I'll be fine now leave." Gilbert said. If both of his hands weren't clutching on to something he would've waved him away.

"I'm going to be right out the door so if you need anything just shout." he said, keeping an eye on him as he exited the room. Gilbert sighed and thought to himself "Maybe being overprotective runs in the family because that guy won't let up."

* * *

"Hey, Antonio." Lovino called from another room in a demanding tone. Antonio walked in and stopped at the doorway.

"What? Who was on the phone?" he asked.

"It was Potato number one calling about his brother." Lovino replied, "He said potato number two is awake and moving-"

"S-So he didn't die! That's great I was so worried he was going to die mad at me and-" he went on with his usual tired smile.

"Hold up a sec. He also said that Gilbert barely knew his first name and that he didn't remember his own last name. He didn't recognize Ludwig either." Lovino said.

"Huh? So…G-Gil's gone? He doesn't remember any of the times we spent before and during the military?" Antonio asked, clenching his fists subconsciously. Lovino noted that every time something bothered him he would fiddle with his hands and fingers so something was in them.

"There's still a chance he'll get his memory back. You just have to act like he's the same Gilbert around him. And that you're the same Antonio." Lovino said, turning his back and walking to the kitchen. Antonio followed and asked "When can we see him?"

"Not today." was the answer.

"Tomorrow?" he asked.

"Maybe." Lovino replied.

"What about his prosthetic leg? Didn't it get damaged in the…crash?" Antonio asked. Lovino turned to him and studied his body language. He didn't sound like himself and he kept a distance unlike his usual adoring self who couldn't seem to get himself off of Lovino and Feliciano.

"Is everything okay Antonio? You don't have to…stop at the doorway in every room I go in." Lovino said.

"You mean you want me to leave?" he asked and pointed his thumb behind him.

"No I mean you don't have to creep around when you want to talk to me. Hey, are you losing weight?" Lovino asked. "Is Feliciano not cooking for you or something? It's not like we don't have enough food around here."

"I'm not losing weight." Antonio said.

"You are, look at how loose this shirt fits." Lovino said and pulled at his long sleeved shirt. He was always watching what his brothers wore so they wouldn't embarrass him.

"It's not that bad. You were always calling me fat anyways." Antonio said and looked down at himself.

"That was before you went to the army and you ate anything you could. Even that cheap fast food." Lovino replied as he tried to straighten out his brother's shirt. It kept slipping down a bit.

"You know Grandpa always over fed us. Especially you and Feli but you guys are thinner now. I'll be fine 'kay? Don't worry about me." Antonio said, gently pushing Lovino's hands away. Lovino didn't budge when he said "Don't give me that 'It's fine' line again. Everyone says that but you never tell me what's wrong. I'm not a little kid anymore Antonio. I deserve to know if something is bothering you."

"I swear nothing is bothering me." Antonio said.

"Liar." Lovino mumbled.

"It's true. I'm f-" he started.

"If you say fine I'm going to skin you of your muscles." Lovino threatened.

"I'm honestly okay, nothing is bothering me." Antonio replied a bit more seriously.

"Just tell me damn it!" Lovino shouted.

"You're the one bothering me Lovino! Let it go already! I'm not a child either!" Antonio yelled back and even shoved Lovino away by his shoulder. His younger brother was already mad and pushing him didn't make it any better.

"Don't push me!" Lovino shouted and pushed him back. He stumbled backwards, catching his balance. He glared at Lovino with anger and impatience simmering in his eyes. For a moment Lovino panicked, he might've just push him over the edge he was always so close to. "W-What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Lovino stuttered and took a defensive step away from Antonio.

Antonio's glare turned into a gaze of melancholy. Lovino winced; he hadn't meant to upset Antonio this much. He didn't want to hurt him at all but it always ended up with that happening.

"You're afraid of me." Antonio whispered.

"What? No I'm not-" Lovino frantically replied.

"You backed away from me. You thought I would hurt you because I was angry. And you…you know you're the closest person to me. Feliciano and you are the people I hold dear the most so if you're afraid of me…maybe I am a hazard. I hurt Ludwig and you. I killed Francis and let Gilbert get injured. I scared Feliciano. Grandfather Romulus died because none of us could help him. My own father left me because I was useless. Your dad died because I couldn't fight in the war yet. Our mother died because she was trying support us. It's always my fault." Antonio thought. He dare not let a word of this confession out. If anyone heard these private thoughts, they would send him to an insane asylum. Everyone told him it wasn't his fault but he would bet his life it was. He had to be responsible for the family now that he was the oldest.

"Antonio…I'm sorry." Lovino said. He noticed Antonio gazing into the distance. Despite staring at the corner, Lovino knew he was far off in the other direction. To pull him out of this, he had to do something loving like hug him. He wasn't the one to do this often and he avoided it when he could, but Antonio needed someone to be there and the least Lovino could do was be there and act like he wanted to hear all his problems.

"Why don't we go out and get some fresh air. The rainy season has already past and the rest of spring is supposed to be nice. We can at least enjoy it a little before I have to work. I promise we'll see Gilbert this week." Lovino said and walked up to his brother. Antonio sighed and admitted "That would be nice."

* * *

"I have to step out for a moment." Ludwig said, standing up.

"Oh okay." Gilbert said a bit sadly.

"Don't worry, I'll be back. If a doctor or something comes in don't give them a hard time. They're all here to help you." he said. The albino nodded and Ludwig exited the room.

He found the pay phone at the end of the room and dialed one of the few numbers he knew by heart.

"Hello?" Roderich asked. His home phone was rarely called but now he waited by it hoping for news about his brother.

"Roderich, he woke up." Ludwig said.

"Oh thank God. How is the idiot?" he asked.

"He…He doesn't remember me. He didn't even know his last name very well." Ludwig said.

"Oh Ludwig I'm sorry. Elizabeta is a bit sick from the pregnancy at the moment. I'd hate to leave her so I'm not sure if I can come at the moment." Roderich replied.

"I understand I just thought you should know about Gil." Ludwig said. He was really hoping Roderich would come. He couldn't stand looking at his brother alone. He knew that Gilbert was in there somewhere but then all he saw was he albino. How could there be anyone else? Ludwig thought he was going to have to live with the fact that Gilbert would never remember the memories they shared together.

"I'll make sure to come today though. When Elizabeta feels better I'll see if she'll let me come. I'm sorry Ludwig but you're a man now. I think you can handle this." he said.

"I hope you're right. But I don't know what to do with him. Do I try telling about important people or what? He doesn't have a lot of questions either. What if I say something that upsets him?" Ludwig asked.

"You know that knuckle head better than anyone Ludwig. I'm sure whatever you do will be enough. Just make sure to say the positive things about people." Roderich said, "Or tell him how shitty everyone can be I don't care."

"What about Antonio? They were best friends but I don't think I can explain his PTSD without making it seem like he's…..insane. I don't want to ruin their friendship anymore than I did on Sunday." Ludwig said.

"It wasn't your fault brother." Roderich said almost threateningly. "I mean, just explain to him it isn't a disability just a condition. That he was the one who saved him from bleeding out on that convoy mission. Antonio is the reason he was alive to make it back home."

"I see. Thank you Roderich. That was surprisingly good advice." Ludwig admitted.

"Hmph. Of course it- Hey! What do you mean by surprisingly!?" he asked.

"Bye Roderich! Visit him soon." Ludwig said and hung up. He sighed and thought about what he should say once he entered the room. He rubbed his face, trying to wake himself up. When he opened the door, Gilbert instantly turned his head to him.

"You've been really observant lately. It's creepy." Ludwig said and took his seat.

"What was I like before the amnesia?" Gilbert asked.

"What do you mean?" Ludwig asked.

"What if I forgot myself? Will you tell me if I don't act like I used to?" he asked.

"If you want. But this is you. You're just starting new." Ludwig said.

"Oh…Can you tell me more about how I lost my leg?" he asked.

"Only Antonio knows the whole story but I guess I could tell you-" Ludwig started.

"Who's Antonio?" Gilbert asked.

"What do you want to know first? Who Antonio is or what happened to your leg?" Ludwig asked.

"Um… Antonio." he said.

"Well he's just a couple months older than you and he's twenty five. He had tan skin and brown hair. I think his eyes are green. You and him have been friends since grade school. He's…He used to be really optimistic and carefree but lately he hasn't been himself. You and him went to war along with his older brother just over five years ago. Since he lost his brother at war he's been traumatized and often disturbed. He has PTSD now." Ludwig said.

"Oh…What has he said about me losing my leg?" Gilbert asked.

"He's the only one who knows and he hasn't talked about it. With his PTSD he gets really quiet if he thinks about it. Even if he didn't have the disorder it would still be very difficult for him to talk about it. But what the military told our family was this. You were in a convoy so you could escort an important official deeper into the country for a meeting ushering peace. But you were attacked. Antonio wasn't injured from being shot at but he was injured when his vehicle crashed. He got out of his car to find you pinned under your convoy vehicle. What you then told them was that somehow he got you out from under it by himself and made you a tourniquet while defending you from the enemy. He got many scars that day and so did you. It was mainly your right leg but it was so damaged by the time they brought you in they did an emergency amputation." Ludwig said.

"Oh…Wow. I can't believe it though. I can't remember something like that! Why can't I remember it?!" Gilbert said and raised his voice.

"Calm down. It's okay." Ludwig said.

"It's not okay! I can't remember my own damn family or the man who saved my life! Now he's depressed or something because of what happened and I can't even thank him!" Gilbert said. He was obviously angry.

"You did thank him! We all did." Ludwig said.

"But why can't I remember it! All the memories that made me who I am are gone. I think I remember something but then I'm proved wrong! It's not fucking fair for anyone! I-I…" he stuttered. Instead of finishing his ran he grabbed a pillow and started to cry into it. Ludwig was shocked by how emotional he got all of a sudden. He didn't know how to react. He was never good at comforting people.

"It's not your fault Gilbert. It's my fault. I shouldn't have been looking at my phone while in a parking lot. It was irresponsible and really stupid. You don't deserve this. I deserved to be hit by that car, not you." he said. Gilbert mumbled something in comprehensible. "What?"

"I said don't say that. You're too nice to be hit by a car." he mumbled. "I wish I could remember. I want to be able to trust someone for sure but I can't because I practically don't know anyone!"

Ludwig started to rub his back. He had seen Lovino do it to Antonio at the beach and he seemed to be calm by it. Gilbert tensed at the contact. "You can trust me…Right?" he asked.

"I guess." he mumbled, not lifting his face from the pillow.

"You can trust Antonio." he said.

"Tell me more about him." Gilbert said.

"He has two younger brothers. One is Lovino and the other is Feliciano. His older brother's name was Francis." he said.

"How did his brother die?" Gilbert asked.

"That one we know even less about. I only know a couple details because Feliciano, who's a good friend of mine, showed me the reports. He had burns all over his body and was shot several times but I forget where. We don't mention Francis around his brothers, especially Antonio. Francis is a very touchy subject and one of the…um…situations he reacts to the worst. I heard that one time Feliciano said something about him and Antonio stopped whatever he was doing to go to his room. He locked the door and it took them almost an hour to get him out." Ludwig said.

"Do you think he ever needs alone time? Like just him and his thoughts without anyone to tell him what to think?" Gilbert asked.

"I'm actually not sure. I don't see Antonio much anymore but I hear about him from Feliciano almost daily. He seems to be off in his own world pretty often." Ludwig said.

"He sounds like he just needs a friend." Gilbert said.

"Funny you say that because you two got into an argument on Sunday." Ludwig said. The look on Gilbert's face made him regret it.

"Wha…Why would I ever argue with the guy who saved my life!? What did I say? Does he know I didn't mean it?!" he asked.

"I wasn't there Gilbert! I'm not sure!" Ludwig said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"I think…I think I want to talk about something else." he said.

"Okay, okay…Er…We have a puppy at home. He's only a few months old and his name is Aero. You named him that because-" Ludwig started.

"After what I've seen airplanes are some of the most awesome, deadly things ever." he finished in the exact words he had described the name weeks ago.

* * *

"I got my boss to give me the day off tomorrow so I could um…spend time with you." Lovino said to Antonio who was reading in a hammock. He was rocked slightly by the wind. He had been on the same page for almost half an hour. Every time Lovino turned to him, he wasn't focused on the book but instead at the sky. Sometimes he would close his eyes.

"You don't usually do that." Antonio said.

"I know but…Look I'm trying to be nice but sometimes you make it hard. I thought we could visit Gilbert tomorrow." he said.

"I'm sorry." Antonio said. "I do want to see him though."

"Remember you could always drive yourself." Lovino added.

"I rather wait for you." Antonio said.

"How's the book?" Lovino asked.

"It's nice." he said with a sigh. To be honest, he didn't know what was going on in the story. Something about a guy trying to fight his oppressing society.

"Do you want lunch?" Lovino asked.

"No." Antonio replied.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"No." he replied.

"You haven't eaten anything all day Antonio. I'll even take you to a burger place. I just want you to eat before I got to work." Lovino said. He had inherited his Grandfather's intense need to feed the people he cared about. But he only cared about his brother's so not many people knew.

"I'm not hungry. For reals." he said.

"Eat something." Lovino said.

"I don't want to. I just want to…to sleep." he said and closed his eyes.

"Well I have to go to work in an hour so if you do fall asleep, know that I might be gone when you leave. I'm leaving you lunch so you better eat it. If I find out you didn't I will force feed you a whole pizza." he threatened. Antonio's sudden yet small smile made Lovino freeze. A normal smile like the one he used to always have one. Those were so rare.

"Thank you Lovi." he said.

"Wh-Whatever. I just don't want you to starve." he said and walked inside.

Later that day, Feliciano was late coming home. He was almost three hours late. "Sorry I'm so late Toni! I picked us up some stuff!" he said and put down the bags in his arms at the front door. He walked into the dining room and found Antonio by himself sitting in front of a half full plate of food. Feliciano shuddered. Antonio was creeping him out lately.

"What are ya eating?" he asked.

"Lovino made me lunch." Antonio said.

"It's almost nine at night." Feliciano said. Antonio looked up at the wall clock and replied "Oh…I didn't notice."

"How long have you been sitting here?" Feliciano asked and sat across from him.

"A couple hours." Antonio said.

"Eating that? Isn't it cold? I can re-heat it for you." Feliciano offered and reached for the plate. Antonio pulled it closer to him and said "No, Lovino told me to eat it before he got home."

"It's cold. Nobody likes cold meat." Feliciano said.

"I do. It's fine. Don't worry about me." he said.

"But-" he said.

"I said don't worry!" Antonio said in a loud voice. Feliciano yelped in surprise and stood straight up.

"I'm sorry Feli. I'm just tired." Antonio said and put his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry for pushing it. If you don't want to finish it I won't tell Lovino if you don't want to finish it. You should get some sleep." Feliciano said. He didn't know Antonio was lying. The older brother just had a long nap and was just bored out of his mind. He wasn't hungry but he was forcing himself to eat. It made him feel a little more numb inside to do this though he didn't know why. Antonio, not wanting to upset his brother more, decided it would be best to lay down and try to sleep again.

That night he didn't sleep until two in the morning. Until then he was tossing and turning, thinking about nothing in particular. He didn't feel sad yet he was happy. He was bothered. Only sleep could make him feel better but he couldn't just let himself fall under. He had been laying in bed doing nothing in particular for hours. He tried to do something on his smart phone but he didn't want to go on social media. He hadn't logged into any account for years and he didn't remember any passwords. He didn't want to watch videos because some of them made him feel happy and he felt like he didn't deserve that. The sad ones made him too upset and he didn't want to cry so he stopped watching them. That was only the second day he felt empty and incomplete. There would be many to come.

* * *

"You can't drink away all your damn problems!" Berwald said and knocked all of the glass bottles off of Mathias's table and into a garbage bag. Tino had dragged him to Mathais's house to check on him and of course they found him hung over.

"Yes I can. Who are you to tell what I can or cannot do?" Mathias asked and approached the taller man with little balance. He looked for something to balance himself with but instead started to tip over. If Tino wasn't there to catch him, Berwald would've let him fall to the ground.

"Mathias please get a hold of yourself."Tino said.

"I am a hold of me." he said. "I'm perfectly fu-fine an' you dun need to check on me." His language was slurred and made it apparent that he would have difficulty getting over this hang over. Every time Tino saw him this way he couldn't help but pity him. He was surrounded by traumatized people and all he was trying to do was help them. Little did he know helping them would make him lose a part of himself in the process.

"Mat, maybe you should rest." Tino said.

"N-No I have an appointment with dah client." he said and pointed at the wall.

"It's almost eleven at night. Your next appointment is sometime tomorrow. Do you remember the time Berwald?" Tino asked.

"I think it's after noon." he replied and adjusted his glasses.

"Wut do you guys know about psychololilogy?" he said.

"Psychology Mathias. You know this isn't a good habit. What if this affects your ability to facilitate negatively? Think about the lives you can change if you stay sober. If you stop drinking!" Tino said and kicked a bottle out of sudden anger. He instantly calmed down and apologized.

"Who cares? It's the only thing that works. It's the only thing that lets me not worry." he said.

"There are other ways." Berwald added. He wasn't one for talking usually. In fact, he only talked with his four friends. Lukas, Emil, Tino and Mathias. Though Mathias was on the margin of upsetting him.

"I'm a doctor! I don't need some carpenter to nag me about my own business." he said and pointed at Berwald.

"Mathias, we're only trying to help you. And we both think you should stop. Lukas and Emil agree." Tino said.

"Really Lukas said that? Emil is the one who serves me half the time at the bar. He's a hypocrite kid." he said.

"Mathais, let's lie down. I think you need to sleep." Tino said and tried to lead him to his bed. Mathias moved away from him and said "I'm my own man I can do what I want. I don't want to be treated like a child anymore!"

"Then stop acting like one! You have responsibilities Mathias! For a couple of your clients, you are their last hope! How long do you think that old man will last if he has to wait another year for a new doctor?! He needs you to help him stand straight again. What about that one veteran-"

"Antonio." he said.

"I don't know who that is but what about Antonio the veteran? What have you told him to do that you can't do by yourself?" Tino asked.

"To not force yourself to please other people when it makes you upset or uncomfortable." he mumbled.

"What?" Tino asked. He didn't expect that answer at all.

Suddenly, Mathias lurched forward and pushed Tino into the wall as hard as he could by his shoulders. Although Tino wasn't as nearly as weak as he looked, he was caught off guard. Mathias could be a violent drunk at times but he never laid a hand on his friends before. Berwald was quick to rip him off of Tino. He turned him around and delivered a strong slap to the face then he pushed the man down.

"Don't you ever touch Tino or any of your friends like that again!" he threatened with a deadly look in his eyes.

Mathias held the side of his face and smirked. "Acting like a tough guy in front of your boy friend huh?"

Berwald turned a dark shade of red and grabbed him by the front of his wrinkled shirt. Tino stopped him from doing anything more by saying "He doesn't mean it Berwald. Don't hit him. It isn't worth it. He's just drunk and he obviously doesn't need our help." The last sentence was dripping in sarcasm. "You were right. This was a waste of time. Let's go."

Berwald dropped the doctor and made a beeline for the front door. Tino knelt down to Mathias who was just staring at the ground. "We're your friends Mathias but even friends have their limits. We want to help but you keep pushing us away. Sooner or later you'll be all alone if you keep this up. I hope you remember my words when you sober up." And with that, the shorter man walked out, leaving Mathias to think about what he's done.

As soon as he heard the car roll down the street and off into the distance, he let himself feel something. As tears started to roll down his cheeks he found that he couldn't stop them this time. This time he knew he did something terribly wrong and he couldn't take it back.


	7. Another Patient

**Who doesn't love an alcoholic psychologist? *The whole world raises their hands* Too bad. Angsty Gilbert ahead. And a couple new characters. I think I'll be introducing several characters all throughout the story.**

**I guess I should add a warning for triggers. I'm not sure how sensitive people are so I just thought I should re-state that even if I didn't say it before.**

**Now I'm not even making sense.**

* * *

By Sunday the Beilschmidt family got some neutral news. It was neither bad or good but it was a change.

"We've finally assigned a physical therapist for Gilbert." Ludwig told Roderich out in the hall. "They'll have to move him to another room in the building and he'll be staying here for a bit longer."

"Why can't he go home?" Roderich asked.

"Because I have to leave for school. I was out for four days last week and I'm way behind. I can't take the risk. I really need to get good marks in these classes. So he's going to have to stay here until he can walk normally with a new prosthetic." Ludwig said.

"When are they moving him?" he asked.

"Later today. I'm going to leave once he's situated." Ludwig said. "But I'm worried about the expensive medical bills. Will the military pay for all of this stuff? Is it covered by the injury he sustained? I'm already deep in student loan debts and I don't think our family can take this anymore."

"Oh, I'm sure the government can pay for it. I understand you're in debt Ludwig but you'll get out of it once you get a stable job. Make sure you go back to school this week. The nurses and doctors know what they're doing. I'm sorry I have to hang up now. Goodbye Ludwig, I know you'll make the right choices." Roderich said and hung up. Ludwig sighed. The middle brother was always a bit disconnected from the rest of the family. Ludwig walked back to Gilbert's room to find him flipping through a family photo album Roderich had brought over on his last visit. This was only one of the many albums they had. The rest were in the attic.

"Who's this?" Gilbert asked, pointing to a young woman with dark hair like Roderich's.

"That is our mother. She…she died giving birth to me." Ludwig said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. So you never knew her but you must've been told about her right? Something our father or I said. Roderich?" Gilbert asked.

"Our father never talked about her after she died. I was told by you that the only time you saw Father cry was when she died in the hospital room right after I was born." Ludwig said.

"When did Father die?" Gilbert asked. He knew these questions were hard for Ludwig to answer but he needed to know.

"Just before you left to the army. Before you ever decided to leave." Ludwig said.

"W-Why would I do that? Man, I must've been a dumbass to leave you then." Gilbert said.

"No, you did what you thought was right" Ludwig replied. He had disconnected his feelings from the truth this time so talking about sensitive subjects didn't bother him so much.

"Do you think that's why we went to war?" Gilbert asked.

"The war wasn't because of y-" Ludwig started.

"No I don't mean the country. I mean do you think I dragged Antonio and Francis into this? Was it my idea first?" Gilbert asked.

"I-I'm not sure. I know Antonio seemed to like the idea as well. The only person I thought was a bit hesitant was Francis." Ludwig said.

"Oh…" Gilbert said, losing enthusiasm. A nurse walked in and said "Hello, your new room is ready so we can transport you now. Your new room is number three fifty two on the third floor. You will share a room with another patient undergoing physical therapy."

"Before we go, who is this other person?" Ludwig asked, being a bit protective.

"His name is Yao Wang. That's all I can tell you at the moment. Perhaps if you talk to him, he'll tell you a bit more about himself." she said with a smile as he rolled a wheelchair in. "Shall we go now?"

* * *

"Let's go out and do something! C'mon! Let's go! Do! SOMETHING!" Feliciano shouted as he ran through the house looking for Lovino and Antonio.

"I'm looking for classes for next semester." Lovino said as he flipped through a booklet. The little classes he took weren't enough. He took it easy this part of the year because he knew Antonio was coming home and he was taking a PTSD class so he could help. He felt like he wasted his money because now Antonio was depressed which is what he was trying to avoid. Summer was coming and he would end up being home a lot more than he would like. Feliciano would enjoy summer break though.

"This semester isn't even done yet." Feliciano said with a pout. "We gotta get Antonio out of the house and do something."

"Antonio doesn't even want to go anywhere." Lovino said and circled something with pen in the booklet.

"He doesn't know what he needs. What we need to do is be a family that communicates well." Feliciano said and puffed his chest out. "You know Grandpa would be disappointed if we couldn't be a functional family."

"He was always disappointed in me anyways. I don't see the point." Lovino said with a sigh.

"Are you depressed too? Do you need hug therapy?! I'll be your therapist!" Feliciano said and hugged his brother. Lovino tried pushing him off but couldn't in this position.

"Get off! Your breath smells like garlic!" he said and pushed his face away.

"Don't be like that Lovi! Be happy!" Feliciano said and slid his arms down to his brother's side. He wiggled his fingers knowing exactly how to get him to smile.

"A-Ah! That tickles! Let go!" Lovino shouted, struggling to keep a smile from showing. Feliciano just laughed as he fell out of his chair and onto the ground. He wouldn't stop the tickling and Lovino seemed to give in. He smiled and let out a laugh rarely heard.

Antonio was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling again when he heard Lovino shout out. He bolted up and sprinted to his brother's room. He slammed the door open and asked "Lovino! What's…Oh."

"Just a tickle fight!" Feliciano said as he scooted away from Lovino. "And I won."

"He only won because he used dirty tricks and did a surprise attack!" Lovino said. He cleared his throat and wiped the smile off his face before saying "And I didn't like it either."

"I'm glad to see you guys having fun." Antonio said.

"Let's go do something Antonio. Maybe we can go get dinner. Or shop. Or just walk around downtown to see if anything pops up." Feliciano said.

"I don't really know if I want to do anything." he said and looked down.

"Oh come on. What else would you do?" Lovino asked.

"I don't know. My body hurts too much." Antonio said and rubbed his stomach. He forgot when he last ate. It was probably yesterday though so he didn't think about it too much.

"Getting up and walking will help. Go get dressed and we'll leave in a few minutes Toni." Feliciano said. Antonio walked over to his room and locked the door behind him. He groaned and slipped his shirt off over his head. In the vanity mirror he took another long look at himself.

He'd only been home about two months and he already let himself slip. He hadn't exercised since the couple rehabilitation courses he took at the army base. Other than that he hasn't exercised for months. His washboard abs he craved for in high school were almost gone. His stomach wasn't chubby or anything, it wasn't even flat. It caved in a little bit but he wasn't in danger of anything. He would be able to control how much he ate if he became too skinny.

Antonio's shoulders weren't as broad either. Maybe slimming down wasn't a bad choice. He traced the scar on the left side of his stomach. It was almost as long as his hand but he remembered it was deeper that anything. The scars on his back were shorter and the wounds had been shallow. Those scars weren't the one's that bothered him the most though.

He went on to slipping on a short sleeved shirt and running a comb through his hair. He changed out of his sweatpants and into something Lovino had bought him. The waist slipped down a bit so he decided to wear a belt. He didn't care to find a pair of matching socks; you couldn't even see them under the shoes he was going to wear.

Once he walked into the same room as Lovino he was asked "Do your shoes match your belt?" He looked down and sighed before replying "No." Lovino didn't even have to tell him to go match them.

* * *

"See! Isn't this cool. They added a few stores here since you've last been here. Remember the library they were building? They finally finished. It's wear Ludwig and I meet up every day to study. It's the biggest library on this coast." Feliciano said.

"That sounds nice. What are we supposed to do though? There are so many shops and places here." Antonio asked.

"Why don't we go to the library?" Feliciano asked.

"Because that's no fun." Lovino replied.

"I think it'll be a good thing to do though." Antonio chimed in. Lovino didn't want to rain on Antonio's parade so he didn't argue anymore.

On the walk to the whole other side of the square, across the street in fact, Antonio noticed a young mother walking with her baby in a stroller. He smiled happily at the thought of having a family. It would be nice to look after a child again. They made him so happy. Just as he turned away with his content thoughts, he was interrupted by the last person he wanted to hear.

"Help her." Francis's voice said.

Antonio snapped his head back over to the mother. There was a suspicious figure following her and she had no idea. When the person got close enough to her back he saw him stick his hand in his pocket and move towards her side. It looked like he was whispering in her ear. She tried to hurry away but he followed her.

Lovino noticed that Antonio had stopped and immediately pulled Feliciano to a stop. They both looked back at him then towards where he was staring. "Hey Antonio…" Feliciano said.

"We're going to the library Antonio." Lovino reassured, "It's a nice day. Let's- ANTONIO!" His older brother started to sprint across the pavement. He paid no mind to everyone he nearly knocked over. He might've been fast but Lovino and Feliciano were faster. Lovino grabbed his arm but was quickly pushed away. "Stop!" he shouted once he noticed Antonio wouldn't stop before the traffic bustling on the street ahead. Feliciano followed Antonio all the way to the curb but stopped as he watched his brother run straight into the moving vehicles.

Everyone on the sidewalk gasped as he made a beeline through the street. He was only knocked out of his trance when a cab screeched to a stop and barely nudged him. He caught his balance and started to run again. A bus driver honked the horn knowing it wouldn't be able to stop in time.

It was around this time Lovino got to the curb. His mouth was hanging open like he wanted to gasp or scream but he was only looking in horror as the bus narrowly missed his brother. After that, he couldn't see the idiot. "Damn it damn it damn it." he chanted under his breath. He didn't know what to do. But his heart told him to follow his brother. That's why he ran into the traffic after Antonio.

Antonio pushed through surprised people on the sidewalk and full body slammed the suspicious man into a wall. The man wheezed as the air was knocked out of him but he didn't released what he had in his jacket pocket. He pulled it out and tried to stab Antonio with the knife in his pocket.

Being trained to unarm an enemy would come in handy, but Antonio didn't think it would've benefitted him outside of the army. He grabbed the man's hand, slicing his hand from being to uncoordinated and twisted the piece of metal out of his hand. Once unarmed, he grabbed the mugger by his throat and pushed him against the wall even harder. It didn't matter that the guy was panicked, he deserved this. "D-Don't" he gasped.

"Antonio! Leave him alone!" Lovino shouted. His hair was a mess from suddenly running and avoiding cars. His face was flushed red from panic, anger and the fact he was ready to cry. Antonio didn't remove himself from the man so a larger man in the forming crowd decided to get involved. He grabbed Antonio by the shoulders and jerked him backwards. He landed on his rear right in front of Lovino who promptly ducked down to check on him.

"What the hell were you thinking? Attacking someone out of nowhere? Putting yourself and other people in danger? He's just a kid look at 'em." Lovino said and gestured to the man who wasn't a man at all. At the most he was a seventeen year old boy. The large man picked up the knife and announced "This man tried to assault this teenager with a knife."

"What?" Lovino asked, "Antonio would never! He didn't even have a fucking knife!"

"H-He did and he tried to kill me! Put him in jail!" shouted the teenager who had just caught their breath.

"Antonio, tell them it wasn't you. Tell them it's not your knife." Lovino said. Antonio was just trying to get a grip on the situation. He wasn't ready to answer.

"No! This kid was trying to lead me to an alley way so he could steal from me! He's the one at fault. He had the knife pointed at my side as I was walking! It was this man who saved me and my baby from what could've ended badly." the young mother said as she rocked her baby in her arms. It was crying loudly and grabbed for her hair.

"That's not true!" the boy said as he stood up. His eyes darted around and when he found an opening he took it. The large guy who had shoved Antonio was quick to act again and grabbed him by the back of his sweatshirt, "You aren't going anywhere, son."

"Lovino…my hand." Antonio said and raised it. The blood was running down his wrist. Lovino gasped and said "Well put pressure on it idiot!" Antonio held his own hand as the police arrived. They questioned the lady as the teen was thrown into the back of an officer's car. When they approached Antonio they said "It was very dangerous. Although he might have helped this time we strongly advise you don't run across traffic like that."

"I'm sorry, I just acted on impulse." Antonio said.

"But we all thank you for your heroic actions. I wouldn't be surprised if a news van pulls up soon to interview you. If you don't want that you might want to get on with your day." he said. He took a look at the blood seeping through the cloth wrapped around his hand and took a step back. "I wasn't aware you were hurt. Do you need an ambulance or-"

"No it's fine. Some bandages would help though." Antonio replied. The officer nodded and ran to his car for the first aid kit. "Hear that Lovino? I'm brave."

"You're also an idiot for running into the cars." Lovino said.

"You followed me." Antonio pointed out as the policeman started to wrap his wound.

"Well that's because I thought you were going to hurt- I mean approach someone you didn't know and I didn't want you to get hurt." Lovino said.

"Hurt huh?" Antonio repeated as he thought about it. He had worried Lovino, causing him to run into traffic. Even though Antonio had done it first, he pulled his brother into danger because Lovino just wanted to protect him. Just like Francis did. He only went to war because Antonio and Gilbert were. "I think I just want to go to the library."

"Okay, okay. Let's go find Feliciano and we can go." Lovino said.

* * *

"Mr. Wang? Is it all right if I introduce you to your new roommate?" asked the nurse as she peeked in. He replied with a quick "Sure." She turned back to Gilbert and Ludwig and gestured for them to come in. The blonde pushed the wheelchair that Gilbert was sitting in. They both craned their necks to get a glance at the man sitting in bed. He didn't look very old but he was definitely worn out from something.

"Yao, this is Gilbert. You'll both be sharing this room for a while." the nurse said.

"Ah, hello Gilbert. They've refused to tell me anything about you but I hope we get to know each other." he said. He seemed genuinely happy. Gilbert rolled the wheel chair over to the side of his bed by himself and reached a hand out for a hand shake. "Hi Mr. Wang. I'm sure we'll be um…good friends." he said. As Yao reached his hand out, Ludwig noticed how oddly he moved. Instead of reaching straight out, he moved his arm in a wide motion but he still grabbed Gilbert's hand and delivered a decent handshake.

"I'll give you men some privacy and I'll be back with a few of the things Gilbert will need." the nurse said and walked out with haste.

"Hello Mr. Wang, I'm Ludwig. Gilbert's younger brother." Ludwig said.

"Younger? I have a younger brother also." he said, "And call me Yao. No need to be so formal. I'm not that old yet." He looked down as the room went silent. He opened his mouth to say something but shook his head. "Nevermind. I supposed that would be rude."

"You can ask. I'm not insulted easily!" Gilbert said with a grin.

"What are you getting rehabilitation for?" Yao asked. Gilbert's smile lessened but he replied "I'll show you. Ludwig, help me up on the bed." Ludwig sighed and did so anyways. Gilbert moved the blanket away from his lower body revealing his missing leg. Yao's eyebrows rose in surprise but he wasn't rude about it. He didn't even seem that shocked.

"So what 'bout you?" Gilbert asked. Ludwig gave him a stern look but the albino shrugged it off.

"I have a condition that slowly makes my motor skills deteriorate. The doctors think it has something to do with my genes so I can only hope my younger siblings don't have it too. I can walk just fine but my hand eye coordination is getting better." he said with a weary smile. Gilbert grinned back.

"I'm sorry Gil, I have to go soon." Ludwig said.

"Huh? But it's barely past noon." Gilbert said. He had gotten so used to his little brother being with him that he forgot about that busy schedule he was told about. College couldn't be that easy after all. He had been gone for a week and would be left behind if he missed any more schooling.

"I need to do some work before I go back. I'll visit you every day after my study session with Feliciano." Ludwig said.

"When will that be?" Gilbert asked.

"Sometime after six." Ludwig said. He shyly approached his brother. He suddenly looked flustered but he gave his brother a kiss on the cheek anyways. Without saying another word he rushed out with his bag clutched in his fist.

"What a sweet little brother. I wish my younger brother loved me like that." Yao said and leaned back in his bed.

"You seem to love your younger siblings a lot. Why don't you tell me more about them?" Gilbert asked and heaved himself backwards so he could rest his back and stomach muscles. It was a lot harder to balance with a missing leg.

"The oldest is Kiku. He's only a couple years younger than me but he acts like I'm immature and that we aren't related. He…uh…He's been to the war and it really messed him up. I want to comfort him but he always pushes me away. But sometimes he visits me here and that's when I'm the happiest. The other ones are Im Yong and Lin. They are both still in high school but they visit pretty often. They live with Kiku at the moment but I think he'll kick them out once they're eighteen." Yao said. He kept his brotherly smile on as he talked about them.

"Don't you have a house?" Gilbert asked.

"Kiku had to sell it to help pay for my hospital bills but he bought a smaller house that's barely able to fit all four of us. That's a reason I rarely go home. They have enough problems without me." Yao said. "One time when Im and Lin visited, they needed help with their math work but I couldn't help them because they're so advanced. I think they call it Calculus. Do you have any other siblings besides Ludwig?"

"There's Roderich and he reminds me a bit of Kiku. He's only a year younger than me but he's done so much more with his life. He already is starting a family with his wife. And to be honest, she's beautiful. I bet their kid will be cute too." Gilbert said and sighed. He didn't remember too much about Roderich but he was almost certain that Elizabeta could've done better.

"Do you have any good memories with him at least?" Yao asked. Gilbert took in a deep breath before replying "I don't."

"Oh sure you do!" Yao exclaimed, "Kiku can be really sour sometimes but even we have had plenty of fun when we were younger."

"You don't understand Yao. I can't remember-" Gilbert started. Yao was a bit oblivious to what he meant so he went on to interrupt and say "But he's your brother! You have to-"

"I don't remember anything. Okay? I have amnesia and I don't remember anything that happened before Tuesday. I know he's my brother but I feel like I ruined his life by just being here. Just because I can't take care of myself. I went to war and dragged my friends into it now one of them is dead and the other one hates me! I want to remember the good times but I only know about the hurt they feel now. " Gilbert said angrily.

Now his roommate was surprised. His eyes were wide and his eyebrows arched. It seemed like he wasn't just angry because Yao pushed a sensitive subject, but it was everything else too. Gilbert was taking deep breaths as his fingers dug into a pillow he clutched to his chest. Lately he's just been so confused and lonely. Ludwig was the only person who would stay by his side and explain things to him patiently and thoroughly. The albino felt like he had only caused trouble for his family and sadness to his friends. He wasn't even sure if this was his personality. Who was he?

Gilbert flinched when Yao's hand brushed past his shoulder and was placed onto his back. "I'm sorry. I can be a bit halfhearted at times. I know you've probably been told this before but…but I understand how you feel. Everyone has their own battles so I can't say I was in the exact same situation. But I know how it feels like to think you're a burden to your family, to feel like you messed up somewhere but we both gotta face the facts kid. We can't change now so the only thing to do is get better." he said a bit seriously. Gilbert glanced at him and was astonished by his words. Not one had he been told someone understands. All he ever wanted was someone to say "I understand" not followed by "Don't worry".

"Thanks Yao. I needed that." Gilbert mumbled. Yao put on a half smile again and gave him a reassuring pat on the back. "We're going to be stuck here for a while so why not make the best of it?" he said and cocked his head ever so slightly. Gilbert couldn't help but return the smile as a huge weight was temporarily lifted off his shoulders.

* * *

Mathias had just finished a meeting with one of his clients when he pulled out his flask and took a big swig from it. He really needed to feel numb after what he did to his friends last night. Berwald had always been cold to him but now he was really angry. Tino of course had to be nicer than what he deserved.

The phone rang and it took him longer than usual to answer it. "Hello, is this Dr. Densen's office?" the man on the other side of the line asked.

"That'd be me I suppose." he replied with a sigh, "Who is this?"

"This is the head of the physical therapy level at the local hospital. We have a new patient who I think would benefit greatly from your services." the man said.

"Tell me about the patient." Mathias said. He loved getting new clients but at the same time he hated the problems and complications that came with it. He had just gotten a new client a couple of months ago and now there was another one. Except this one was in need of physical therapy, which he didn't consider as difficult for him.

"I'm afraid there is too much on his file to be discussed over the phone but I will fax you the papers once we hang up. You will be paid rather decently because he also has a…well…mental issue." he said.

Mathias wanted to ask about the mental issue but it would've been unprofessional. This guy didn't even know much about that stuff so he decided to wait until he received the fax. "Why is the pay any different than usual?" he asked.

"Because the military is paying for all of it. He has only a few medical bills he pays for on his own." the man said.

Another veteran?! Mathias was going to lose his mind with any more war related stuff. It was all over the news, in the morning papers and on giant billboards. He saw it in many people in this city. The coast the city was near faced the country they were at war with. Across that ocean was the "enemy". Government was hiding who started the war and the number of fatalities on their side. "What's his name?" he asked.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt."

Mathias held his breath but hissed "Send the fax." He hung up and bolted up in his chair. He grabbed his flask and threw it at the wall. He meant to hit the door but it ended up hitting the wall next to it, causing a small hole to form.

"Damn it! Of all people!" he shouted and went to pick up the flask. He noticed it had a dent in it and he sighed. "This was my favorite." He placed it on his desk and sat down again. "I don't want to be more involved in their lives. I just want to deal with my own. Maybe I could quit." he mumbled to himself. His mind instantly went to Antonio. He was a young man with so much potential but it was being drained by his disorder and depression. He was drained physically, mentally and emotionally. Without this little bit of help he might be even worse off. Not to mention his other patients who actually looked forward to seeing him.

The fax started to come in but Mathias considered ignoring it. He regretted ever offering his name to the military as a candidate for veteran services. He rubbed his head and when the last paper came in, he had to take a look. His eyes darted around as he read every word and tried to make sense of everything. He already knew a bit about his family but little about his military background because that's all Antonio talked about.

Antonio had also told him that mentally, there was nothing wrong with Gilbert. So whatever mental issue he had was caused by the accident earlier in the week. "Amnesia?" Mathias asked himself, "He has amnesia…If Antonio visits him he'll be so sad and that'll bring up even more issues. Why can't I get a break?" He glanced over to his crooked flask and thought about getting drunk again. He decided not to because he had to meet with a patient later today.

"I need advice." he mumbled and pulled out his own cell phone. He found Lukas's contact and called it.

* * *

Lukas was on his way to a support group meeting when Mathias called him. He glanced at the name and silly face Mathias was making in his contact picture. Since he was busy he seriously considered ignoring it but something made him answer.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Lukas, the hospital wants me to take on another patient but I don't know if I can." he said in a rather distressed tone.

"Well you'll have more money to pay me back with so I think you should take it." Lukas replied.

"You don't understand! This is Gilbert! He's Antonio's best friend and I don't think I want to get more involved." he said.

"I don't know who either of those people are. Mathias, stop wasting my time. I need to get to the support group early." Lukas replied.

"Antonio is the young veteran who went to war with Gilbert. Do you know how much I'm going to learn about them!? I just wanted to help their problems so they could get on with life, not to become part of their lives." he said.

"You knew fully well that when you wanted to be a psychologist that you would be involved in their life. I warned you there would be a lot of emotions. You're always so uncaring about other people's feelings when you say rude things and interrupt. Why is this all of a sudden a fucking problem for you?" Lukas asked.

"This is different! I have to be nice to them anyways or I'll be fired. I…I just don't know what…what to do." he said, lowering his volume. Lukas sighed and replied "Take this Gilbert guy as a patient. I'm sure he needs you more than you think. They called you because your work shows results. You have saved dozens of lives and this shouldn't be any different. I'm hanging up because I'm already a little more late because of you. People also depend on me Mathias. If I can't keep up this support group for these people, who knows what'll happen to them. Goodbye." he said a bit coldly and turned his phone off.

* * *

"What chya reading Antonio?" Feliciano asked as Antonio looked away from his book.

"It's nothing. Just a story about the zombie apocalypse." he said. Feliciano nervously laughed and put on a smile. "That's interesting. Well I think I lost Lovino. He's somewhere in the library though." he said, "Let's look for him together."

"Okay." Antonio replied and sat up. He placed his zombie book on top of the pile of books he wanted to check out and put them in his arms. There were only 6 of them anyways. Feliciano only got a couple that would help him study for finals at the end of the semester.

"He's probably looking at cookbooks for me so I don't make bad food." Feliciano joked, trying to cut the tension between them. Antonio was oblivious to it but Feliciano felt like he didn't even know Antonio any more.

"I always thought he was more of a romantic novel type of guy." Antonio said. His younger brother didn't know whether or not he was being serious, but it was still funny to think about.

"Maybe I should text him." Feliciano said and pulled out his phone.

"His phone is off. He didn't want to be bothered." Antonio said.

"Oh right…Okay, I guess we oughta look for him the old fashioned way." Feliciano said and stuck his cell phone back into his pocket. "Lead the way captain!" he said and let Antonio lead him around.

The captain of Antonio's company in the army was killed in the same fight as Francis was. He was blown up.

Antonio quickly shook the memory out of his head and replied "Alright. I guess we should look downstairs first." They walked down the staircase and onto the floor which was underground. There they had a lot of textbooks and reference materials which couldn't be checked out.

* * *

Lovino ran his hand along the books' spines as he searched for the reference book he had in mind. Once he found the large business reference book he picked it up but almost dropped it at the same time. He grabbed it before it hit the ground, surprised by how heavy it was. He brought it to a desk and plopped himself down in front of it.

What seemed like an hour went by before he was interrupted by his brothers. Feliciano leaned over his shoulder and said "We've already found you! It was Antonio's idea to look down here first. Hey,…Why are you reading a business book? You aren't even taking a business class like me."

"What does it matter?" Lovino said and slammed the book shut. He turned to Antonio and gazed at his short stack of books. "Do you really think you can read all of those in three weeks?" he asked.

"Of course. I don't do anything else anyways." Antonio replied.

"You said you didn't even care about business." Feliciano added, not knowing that Lovino didn't want to talk about it.

"I said it doesn't matter so stop fucking asking." Lovino said and turned to his younger brother. Feliciano pouted before saying, " Okay, ya don't have to get all defensive about it."

"Whatever, let's just get the books and go. I have some work to do at home." Lovino said, leaving the text book on the desk. Now it was someone else's problem. Only if he could do leave his problems to other people to deal with like he used to when he was younger. Fulfilling the supportive brother role wasn't supposed to be his part in the family but it was forced upon him so suddenly he had no choice. Feliciano was too soft for super serious situations and Antonio probably wouldn't do well under stress. So for now, and possibly forever, he'll have to be the responsible one when things went wrong.

* * *

"I can do this. I can do this. I've been doing this for years and I can do it again. Just don't let the sadness get to you. They aren't you problems or memories, they're his. I just need to help him remember and walk again." Mathias said to himself in the mirror. He had just gotten out of the shower and was staring at his shirtless, clean self in the steamy room. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Gilbert's first appointment with him was in just a couple hours and he hadn't drunk the night before. His first impression should be a positive one where he wasn't hiding a hangover by asking meaningless questions and pretending to write them down on his damn clipboard.

When he opened his eyes, he expected to see a strong young man who hadn't even lived 1/3 of his life yet. Instead, he saw a worn out guy who looked ready to drop dead. Not drinking seemed to take more out of him than getting drunk. He sighed and rubbed his chin which was covered in light stubble. Maybe he should have a couple shots of liquor before going. Then he remembered that today was a first impression. So he decided against alcohol.

Mathias didn't have his own office in the hospital so he usually just met his patients in one of the private rooms branching off the rehabilitation room. He knew that Gilbert's younger brother would not be accompanying them on this fine Friday.

He entered the room and sat behind the desk before groaning and rubbing his eyes. In just a few minutes a nurse would lead Gilbert to the room so he could be assessed before the treatment began. It would be difficult to work with the albino because of the amnesia.

After a long moment but him concerning over everything that could go wrong the door knob twisted and the door was opened. He sat up straight and plastered a smile on his face to hide the fact he was just a nervous wreck. A nurse with olive skin and dark,curly hair opened the door and asked "Dr. Densen, are you ready for Mr. Beilschmidt?" He nodded and she left the door for a moment and brought Gilbert in. He was sitting in a wheelchair because he didn't want to try walking even though the nurse seemed like a strong woman who could support some of his weight to balance him. Gilbert wasn't one to show weakness after all.

"Hello Gilbert. I'm Dr. Densen but you can call me Mathias if you please." he said and held a hand out for him to shake. Gilbert didn't make eye contact but he shook his hand. "Uh…Aren't you kind of young to be a doctor?" Gilbert asked.

"I get that a lot. And I guess I am pretty young for a doctor. I turned twenty nine in earlier this year." he said.

"If you need anything just call up the nurses' station." the nurse said before walking out. Mathias cleared his throat and folded his hands on the table.

"I want to know more about you but it's okay if you want to ask me questions first." Mathias said. Gilbert looked up at him and straight in the eyes. His glare wasn't nearly as mournful as Antonio's but he still seemed troubled by something deep within himself.

"Do you have a family?" he asked.

"I don't have a wife and children if that's what you're asking. I have four friends and I consider them my family even though we fight a lot." Mathias replied, "What's your family like?"

"I have a couple younger brothers…Hey, don't you already know about me? You probably read my medical file or something." Gilbert said and narrowed his eyes suspisciously. Lately he's been having trust issues and he thinks everyone is lying to him. Sometimes he even doubted Ludwig despite the blonde being the only person who told him the truth. He had answered all of Gilbert's questions and never seemed biased about a single detail. But for all Gilbert knew, he was receiving opinions instead of facts.

"I'll admit I do know a bit about you already." Mathias said and nodded his head, "If you don't wish to tell me about yourself that's totally okay. But I still need to know about your physical state. Have you tried walking with the aid of a person?"

"Sometimes Ludwig helps me." Gilbert said.

"Have you ever used a device to help you walk?" Mathias asked.

"The rails in the restroom." he said.

"I see. Do you have any interest in walking by yourself again?" Mathias asked. It was a meaningless question because Gilbert was going to walk regardless of whether he wanted to or not.

"Only because I don't want to depend on someone all the time. I just want to go home with my new leg and get back to fixing my life." he said and crossed his arms. Though he didn't realize it, he was slowly regaining parts of his personality. His ego was still that of a socially awkward teenager at the moment though.

"You know you aren't a burden on your brothers or anyone at this hospital. It is everyone's job here to help you get better and I'm positive that your family cares deeply about you. They are supporting you because you are important and needed. Wouldn't you do the same for Ludwig if he was in need?" Mathias asked.

Gilbert looked up with wide eyes. He hadn't expected such a statement from him. "Where the hell did that come from? I'm not some insecure moron. I know I'm not a burden." he lied.

"Of course not. I didn't intend to imply that. I'm sorry. Besides that, would you like to get started with physical therapy?" Mathias asked. Gilbert, kept his arms crossed but nodded. When Mathias reached for the handles on the back of the wheelchair, Gilbert moved it away. "I can do this myself." he said a bit coldly.

It was true though. Gilbert was in great shape and seemed very fit. From what Mathias knew about Gilbert from Antonio and the files on him, he used to be very ambitious. He expected the physical therapy to go smoothly; of course his optimistic thought would be chewed up and spat back out at him.

"I think your other leg is already strong enough to support your weight but I would like to make sure you are still balanced. Take my hands and let me help you up." Mathias said and held his hands out as he stood in front of the albino. Gilbert turned away and replied "I'm not holding your hands."

"It's not like that. We're on padded flooring and I won't let you fall. I promise." he said. Gilbert smirked and replied "Fine, only because it'll get me out of here faster." He took Mathias's hands and was pulled up so he could stand. At first he wobbled but just like he promised, Mathias held him steady.

"See!? You're doing just fine." Mathias said.

"Yeah…I guess I am doing pretty good." Gilbert said and looked around the room. He had just noticed there were others in the large room. There was a young woman assisting a frail, old lady with lifting weights. They were no more than five pounds from the looks of it. There was also a teenager in the corner who seemed to have some sort of deformity. His parents were also supporting him while a doctor was observing while being respectful of his space.

The last thing that caught his mind was Yao on the other side of the room. He was sitting at a table across from an older woman. He was stacking blocks in a tower. Gilbert was confused because something like that seemed so easy. Then e remembered that Yao's hand-eye coordination was slowly fading. Simple tasks like stacking blocks must be an exercise to help him.

"I'm going to let go of your hands now." Mathias said.

"What if I fall? People will look." Gilbert said.

"Then I won't let go." Mathias stated. Gilbert sighed and felt like a wimp. Why couldn't he just be sure of who he was and be comfortable with that?

"I want to stand on my own." he said not even a minute later.

"Alright, I'm letting go of your left hand first." Mathias announced and let his palm slip from Gilbert's. He didn't falter at all. "Very good. Now the right hand."

Gilbert took a deep breath and balanced himself. He barely even moved and now he was standing by himself. He smiled and exclaimed, "L-Look! I can do this by myself."

Mathias chuckled and replied "That's great Gilbert. Just say when you'd like me to help you sit back down. It's okay to admit you're tired."

The albino blocked out his words and just concentrated on standing. His upper left thigh started to ache but he didn't say anything. He wanted to see how long he could last. Standing was supposed to be super easy. "If a human millions of years ago could stand so can I." he told himself.

Suddenly he wobbled and went down towards Mathias. The doctor acted quick and lunged forward to catch Gilbert. He did before he hit the ground and he slowly lowered him so he could sit on the ground. "Are you okay Gilbert?" he asked.

"I'm fine." Gilbert said. He looked to his left, over Mathias's shoulder, to the teenager with some physical condition. He had looked over while his parents were talking and made eye contact. He cocked his head with curiosity. Gilbert didn't have the heart to shoot him a rude look.

"I don't know what happened there but we can try again if you're not too tired." Mathias said. Gilbert sighed and said "I'm not too tired but I want to move on to something else."

Mathias assisted Gilbert to his wheelchair and said "I think we should get you used to wearing a sleeve over your amputated leg. It will get you used to it being constrained. A prosthetic leg with wrap around your upper right thigh and I believe there will also be a belt type of thing that wraps around your waist."

"That's cool I guess. When will my leg come in?" Gilbert asked.

"I'm not sure if they've even ordered one yet. I was told that I'd be here every day, except Monday and Tuesday, from two to four in the afternoon. And I'll be helping you with the prosthetic as well. Once we get you used to walking using other ways of assistance, we can get you used to a leg, even if it's not the one the military has issued to you." Mathias said. He looked down at Gilbert with a small smile. Gilbert looked up with doubt in his eyes but decided he'd have to deal with a weird doctor for a few more weeks before he would be turned loose. If it was going to make him depend less on Ludwig and Roderich, he was up for anything.


	8. Private Matters

**This was a bit of a mashup and I'm not completely happy with it but I had to post something. Sorry for the wait and I really don't want to make this a once a month deal.**

**New Characters with names you may not know: Lin- Taiwan and Im Yong- South Korea**

**Please leave reviews, I love to see feedback. **

* * *

_**SUPER BIG GIGANTIC WARNING: SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER. If you don't want to see it, skip to after the first horizontal line.**_

_**I won't usually be so descriptive with it but this time it's pretty detailed. I'm not sure if it's enough to make the whole work be rated M so I'll leave at T for now. If there's a problem, I am willing to make this M.**_

* * *

"Aren't you bothered by what I tried to do to you a couple weeks ago?" Arthur asked Antonio as he drove him home from his appointment with Mathias Densen.

"Not really." Antonio said. It was true though, Arthur was still a good friend.

"You know I'm sorry right?" he asked.

"I know." Antonio replied and sighed. He understood Arthur and honestly didn't mind the awkward situation.

"Besides that… How are Feliciano and Lovino?" he asked.

"Both as busy as ever. How's Alfred and Matthew?" Antonio asked.

"They're fine but they seem really bored all the time. Just a couple days ago I caught Alfred trying to sneak out of my apartment. I think he'll get into trouble." Arthur said.

"Summer break is in about a month so maybe you can do something with him then." Antonio suggested.

"They may have a break but my work doesn't give me two months of paid leave." Arthur said, "Maybe you should get a job if you have too much free time. I know that you're family doesn't need to income but it may just help."

"Help what?" Antonio asked.

"The depre- The…um…It might help the boring days pass faster." Arthur said, making a terrible save.

"That's not what you were going to say at first." Antonio pointed out. He may be a bit dumb from time to time but he knew Arthur was going to say something else. He wanted to know what it was.

"Forget about it. It was just a mistake of words." Arthur said with a nervous laugh and pulled into Antonio's drive way.

"Just tell me what you meant!" Antonio said. He didn't seem upset, if anything he seemed desperate.

"I said it was nothing! Sorry Antonio but I have to go…pick up my brothers from my parents house so I need to leave soon." Arthur lied.

"Not until you tell me what you meant."Antonio said and crossed his arms.

"It doesn't matter now." Arthur said and clenched the steering wheel.

"I just want to know!" Antonio said, "Everyone keeps hiding stuff from me and I don't know why! I thought you would be the one person who would treat me like I'm not some child! I can deal with serious subjects and matters without being scared or upset! Please, I just want to know!"

Arthur opened his mouth like he was about to shout at him but he thought it over and closed his lips. He took in a deep breath and looked straight ahead. After closing his eyes he exhaled and replied " Feliciano called me yesterday to tell me you were depressed but I tried not to mention it. I know you aren't going to break down over serious topics and no one is hiding things like that from you because of that. If you feel that way, then you should realize they might be sugarcoating things around you because they care about your mental state. It's not because they think you're a child. It's not because you're weak. It's because they care enough to go out of their way to keep you happy."

Antonio looked down at his hands and noticed they were trembling. He couldn't stop it either. "I understand." he whispered and got out of the car. Arthur sensed the tension and also opened his door. "Antonio, did I say something wrong?" he asked as the tanner man was unlocking the front door.

"No. It's okay." Antonio replied not turning to him. He dropped his keys and bent down to pick them up.

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked. Antonio sighed loudly and replied "I said I was fine. Thanks for being honest with me." And with that he slammed the door behind him.

"Jesus, I think I angered him." Arthur mumbled to himself. He was about to knock on the door to make sure Antonio was alright but he took a look at his watch and noticed he would be late to picking up his brothers. His parents would be furious if he was late. They would shout at him like they did when he came out to them about his sexuality. Instead this time they would call him irresponsible and immature. They might even stop letting him see his brothers.

Antonio hung his keys from a small knob near the door on the wall before dragging himself inside. The message he got from Arthur's argument wasn't what was implied. He got it all wrong but he was thoroughly convinced that he got it right.

He thought he would've felt sad or upset but to be honest, he didn't feel anything at the moment. There was an emptiness inside of him being emphasized and he couldn't stand it. He wanted to feel something, anything really.

As he entered the kitchen, he didn't know what to do. He could read one of the books he got from the library but he decided not to. He glanced down at his hand which was healing from when he attacked a mugger. That's what gave him and idea. There was only one thing to do make him feel something again.

Antonio went to the knife block in the corner of the counter and grabbed a slim, sharp knife. He glared at it for a moment, thinking over his choice.

There were three restrooms in the house. Two upstairs and one downstairs. Both Lovino's and Feliciano's restrooms were upstairs and Antonio's was downstairs. He used to share his with Francis but it has since been emptied out then restocked with needed supplies when Antonio came back. It was small and clean so Antonio was happy with it.

He walked in with the knife in hand and locked the door behind him. He placed the blade on the corner of the sink and slipped his shirt off. When he looked up he could tell he needed this. He just had to cut himself where it wouldn't show. His side would have to do. He was rarely seen without a shirt shouldn't be a problem or bother to hide.

Antonio poked the tip of the knife to his skin. His heart rate went up and he took one last moment to decide whether or not he actually wanted to go through with this. But, it was the only way he could feel…right?

With that reasoning, he sliced his skin.

Even though he had been through more pain than that, and the cut had been rather shallow, his breath was taken away. Yup, he felt that alright. Only a couple drops of blood seeped from the wound and within seconds he felt better. So Antonio cut himself again.

* * *

"Mr. Wang, you have visitors." announced a nurse. Yao sat straight up and smiled widely "Oh! Let them come in!" She smiled and three young people walked in. Gilbert looked over from his book and noticed that this must be the younger siblings Yao always talked about.

"Hey bro!" Im said with a smile. Yao returned the grin and he was crushed in a hug from the boy.

"Get off him Im, you'll hurt him. Anyways, I brought you some great Chinese food. I made it myself." Lin said. She held up a Tupperware container. "It's still warm.

"Thank you Lin." Yao said. He looked up at Kiku who remained quiet and said "Hello Kiku. Thank you for driving them here. You know how worried I get when they walk here by themselves."

Kiku nodded and replied "You're welcome."

"Oh wait, I should introduce you guys. This is Gilbert Beilschmidt. He's my new roommate." Yao said and turned to Gilbert. All three of his guests didn't notice the man at all. His pale skin had blended in.

Kiku was the first to give a slight bow and say "My apologies Mr. Beilschmidt. I didn't realize you were here. Sorry for interrupting your reading. I am Kiku Honda, Yao's younger brother."

"Don't worry about it. You guys aren't interrupting much."Gilbert said with a smile. He held out his hand for a handshake but Kiku looked at it as if he was holding a piece of shit or something else just as revolting.

"Mr. Beilschmidt would you like some food too?" Lin asked. Gilbert was about to say no but he saw the enthusiastic look on her face and couldn't.

"Hey Yao, Kiku says that next school year is going to be super hard. Do I really need to take honors math?" Im Yong Soo asked, hoping Yao would say no. Yao frowned and said "No,it's completely necessary. Why can't you be like Lin and be happy about it? She's going to Advanced Placement math."

"But I'm in sports!" Im said.

"Tennis isn't a manly sport at all." Lin said.

"Is too! I can knock someone's eye out with the ball." Im boasted. Lin and Kiku rolled their eyes. Yao sighed. "At least he's in an extracurricular activity." he thought.

"Hey Mr. Gilbert, did you play any sports in high school?" Im asked.

Gilbert thought for a second and Ludwig had never told him much about what happened in high school. That was the time that their father died though. He was apparently also a rebellious student with average grades in average classes.

"You can't ask him something like that all of a sudden. That's rude and this is a family situation." Kiku scolded. Im stuck his tongue out at his older brother.

"It's alright!" Gilbert said, "I-I wasn't in any sports though." Im didn't ask any more questions after that out of fear of being scolded again. Lin on the other hand was quick to warm up to Gilbert as far as to even ask why he was in physical therapy.

"Lin!" Yao said loudly. She looked away and said "Sorry, it just came out." Kiku sighed and said "That's rude. You're already fifteen, don't ask questions like that."

Gilbert smirked and leaned forward. "You kids are a riot. I haven't talked to teenagers lately. But I'll show you if you really want to know." He moved the thin sheet off from on top of him to expose his amputated right leg. There was a white sleeve over it.

"How did that happen!?" Im blurted out. Yao pulled down on his ear hard. "Seriously you guys shut up." he said.

"Well…war does stuff to you. That's why when this war is over both of you will be the future of this country." Gilbert said. Lin smiled a little sadly and tried not to stare.

"We should go now." Kiku said darkly.

"But you just got here." Yao pointed out.

"They can stay longer but I have to go." he said.

"Kiku, you rarely visit. Please stay." Yao pleaded. Kiku looked to him with a pained expression. He was rarely one to show his discomfort so something must have really been bothering him.

"I'm sorry." Kiku said and picked his bag up from the chair. He hurried out, leaving everyone in silence.

* * *

"Antonio~ I came back with some food! Ludwig and I went to this really good restaurant after a short study session." Feliciano shouted as he entered the house. It was quiet as always and he would probably have to find Antonio to get his attention. He checked upstairs but he wasn't there like he usually was. Antonio wasn't in the living room either.

Feliciano quickly grew concerned. "Antonio?" he asked. He rushed into the kitchen and sighed with relief.

"Huh, oh hey Feli." Antonio said. He was washing dishes.

"You scared me brother. I didn't know where you were." Feliciano said. He instantly brightened up and added "I got food for you!"

"Thanks. I'm almost done washing these. Put it on the table." Antonio said. He turned to Feliciano holding one of the sharpest knives they had. Feliciano didn't think anything of it though.

"I hope Lovino doesn't get mad at me for hanging out with Ludwig so often. He sure doesn't like them." Feliciano said as he sat down. Once Antonio was done sanitizing the knife he dried his hands and turned to his younger brother.

"I don't even know why he hates their family. It seemed like they got along at the beach though." Antonio said.

"I guess so huh…And Ludwig's phone broke in the accident and he doesn't want to get another one. He says it's because of money issues but he didn't want to borrow some from me. I think he's scared." Feliciano said. For the first time since Antonio came home, one of his brothers was going to him for advice. He was needed a little bit.

"Why do you think he's scared?" Antonio asked, being the oblivious man he was.

"He's afraid it might distract him again and cause something else to happen. I don't know how to convince him though." Feliciano said and rested his head on the table. It was unlike him to be concerned about something so outright like this, he must've cared a lot about Ludwig.

"Try telling him all of the reasons he does need a mobile phone. He'll be able to call Gilbert and you whenever if he's in trouble or running late. He can keep in touch with more people. If he doesn't want to be distracted, how about one of those old phones. A flip phone?" Antonio suggested.

Feliciano laughed, "A flip phone? I know Ludwig is old fashioned but I don't think he's going to want a flip phone. But you're right Tonio. I'll talk to him tomorrow about it. Thank you" He ran into Antonio and hugged him. His arms brushed by the fresh cuts on Antonio's torso but just lightly enough he could conceal the pain.

* * *

"So what was up with Kiku a while ago? Does he usually just storm out like that?" Gilbert asked.

"He's just that way. It's not his fault. It's mine." Yao said.

"It's not because of your condition is it?" Gilbert asked.

"No…it's not _my _condition that is the problem." Yao said.

"Oh…I'm sorry. Nevermind. Forget I even said anything." Gilbert said, not wanting to get into touchy subjects so late at night.

"I think I can tell you. He probably won't come back as long as you're here anyways." Yao said.

"Excuse me?" Gilbert said. He didn't know whether he should feel insulted or not.

"Kiku has PTSD-" Yao started.

"No way! So does one of my friends!" Gilbert exclaimed.

"It's not a good thing! Gosh..." Yao said, finally sounding upset for once. He sighed and continued "Well he was the top of his graduating class in his high school but once he graduated, he went to the military. I remember when he was a kid and all he wanted to do was go to college and be super smart and be able to get a good job. But when the war started he wanted to serve the country. I mean…that's great and all but I didn't want to see my little brother run away like that. This is one of the most deadly wars of our country."

"Oh…I see. But that doesn't explain how he got it." Gilbert said. He wanted to know more so he didn't try and be polite about it. He didn't realize it but more and more of his personality was returning.

"He was sent to the navy and he was quickly promoted to higher ranks because of his accomplishments and quick thinking. In all of the rush and short periods of peace before he would be sent to another fight, he didn't realize his mental state was slowly crumbling. His first offence was disobeying a higher positioned officer for his own plans. It wasn't a bad plan; it was more about the discipline. Almost a year later, he was the captain of his own ship. But the first thing he did was put his crew in unnecessary danger. No one was hurt but it was very risky. A few months later I got a letter stating that he was acting strange. At first I was afraid he had what I had, you know with the genetics and stuff, but they said it was more of a mental thing. Eventually he made a wrong move and his whole ship capsized. Almost all of the crew died and several were captured, including him. I don't know what they did to him. They broke him though. When he was rescued, I couldn't wait to see him but he didn't want to see me. The doctors told me he had severe PTSD and he couldn't stand being touched by anyone. He doesn't like it when people talk in languages he doesn't understand. Something about cracking joints upsets him too."

"Oh my God." Gilbert said. This sounds like hell! Maybe Antonio went through something that bad. No one had told Gilbert how Francis died so they could've been tortured too. "He seemed so normal though."

"He's getting a lot better actually. But when he first came home, I felt alone knowing how alone he felt. You know what I mean?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I hadn't seen him in almost seven years and he wouldn't even accept a hug."

"I'm really sorry Yao. But I think I know what you mean. Roderich, one of my younger brothers seems sort of disconnected from us and Ludwig only had me. I came back less than 3 months ago but he lost me again. I can't help I'm not the same person." Gilbert said.

"Kiku goes to a support group now. Those are the only people he socializes with besides his family." Yao said and leaned back into his pillow. He sighed and said "I'm also sorry I can't give Lin and Im Yong a regular childhood. They were almost taken from us a couple times but I was able to keep custody of them."

Gilbert looked to his left at Yao who had already closed his eyes. The older man went on and on talking about the lighter subject of his other younger siblings, rarely mentioning Kiku at all. Gilbert wondered if Antonio had been that bad before. PTSD needed to be treated as soon as possible for the best results but Kiku was kept away from help for a long time. Who was there to help Antonio? Would Antonio have helped Gilbert if it was him who was traumatized? All of these questions worried Gilbert but he couldn't answer any of them because he couldn't remember his relationship with Antonio, much less the time they spent in the military.

* * *

Lovino entered the house silently in case someone was sleeping. Instead he found Antonio watching television and Feliciano studying in his room. After checking on Feliciano he sat down on the couch next to Antonio.

"Hey, is there anything good on?" he asked.

"Not really." Antonio admitted.

"How was your day?" Lovino asked. Antonio turned to him and gave him a look like he had suddenly grown two heads. "W-What?" Lovino asked.

"You usually don't ask and it's weird…did something happen?" Antonio asked. Lovino thought about telling him that his psychologist got drunk at the bar a couple times or even about Belle paying him a visit now and then.

"Nothing happened. Just…tired I guess." Lovino lied and sighed.

"You're lying." Antonio said blantantly.

"What? Don't be an idiot. Of course I'm not lying." Lovino said.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong? I'm the big brother who's supposed to listen." he said and turned the television off.

"You don't need to do that. I'm fine-" Lovino said, stealing Antonio's catchphrase.

"If I can't say I'm fine then you can't either." Antonio said.

"Screw this. I didn't want to talk about anything anyways." Lovino said and threw his arms up. He stomped out of the room with Antonio rushing after him.

"Lovino I just want to help you. I'm always gonna be here for you." he said and put a hand on his thin shoulder.

"I'm just tired. You need sleep ." Lovino said and hurried up the stairs. His problem was his girlfriend Belle. She was growing upset at him for spending so much time avoiding her. The truth was he was thinking of how to make it better but he couldn't face her yet. He was so stressed out with school and work and Antonio she often slipped to the back of his mind. He knew she didn't deserve it.

* * *

That night, Antonio laid in bed unable to sleep. He was usually comfortable on his right side but it hurt him to lay on the recent cuts he had made. But his position wasn't the problem. It was Lovino's coldness keeping him up.

"Does he hate me now? Why won't he let me help him? Feliciano told me what was wrong. I just want to help him. Maybe it's because he can see past my mask. What if something is really bothering him though? What if he's depressed? If he's depressed he needs more help than I do. He has so much more ahead of him." Antonio thought to himself.

* * *

The next Wednesday was a busy one for Feliciano. His open backpack was slung over one shoulder as he ran up the steps of the new library. He was late to his study session with Ludwig and he really didn't want to upset Ludwig.

Over the years of being friends, Feliciano knew he had some extra feeling for Ludwig. He thought it was just an intense need to be best friends. And they were! But something in Feliciano made him especially happy around him. To be honest, Feliciano didn't care for business, he just stayed in the classes so he could work with Ludwig. He didn't even want to go to college anymore and he wasn't even a graduate yet. Ever since he was young, he wanted to be an artist. His grandfather showed him so many great techniques and built up his dreams of becoming an artist. But before he died, he announced that Feliciano would be next in line to inherit the company he worked so hard to build. He left a young boy to choose between his dreams and his grandfather's final wishes. Even now that Feliciano was older he couldn't decide.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano loudly whispered as he ran up to the bigger man. He wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug, causing a couple others to stare at them. Ludwig turned a light shade of pink and pulled Feliciano off gently.

"Why are you late? Are you okay?" Ludwig asked as they sat down.

"I'm fine. Since we finally have no work for the next few days, I think we should leave and do something fun." Feliciano suggested.

"Like what?" Ludwig asked.

"Liiiiiiike…We can go to the movies or maybe get something to eat again."Feliciano suggested hoping he could convince him again.

"I-I'm sorry Feliciano but I can't. If I don't study then I need to see my brother. He needs to moral support." he said and rubbed the back of his head. He cleared his throat and couldn't look Feliciano in the eyes.

Feliciano's grin faded into a frown. Ludwig noticed his sudden change in attitude and felt his heart beat speed up. He hadn't meant to hurt his feelings at all. His face flushed and his shoulders tensed. He didn't know what else to do but say "Y-You can come with me if you want."

"Really Luddy!? Can I? Let's go!" he said and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the library.

"Hey Ludwig! You're early."Gilbert said with a smile as he walked in. Feliciano ran out from behind him and shouted "Hey Gil! Are you feeling better?!"

"Shhhh! I'm not the only one in this room kid." Gilbert said. They all turned to Yao who was sleeping. Or was sleeping anyways. He cracked open his eyes and squinted at the visitors. "Ah? Who are you?" he asked.

"What! I'm sorry mister, I didn't mean to wake you!" Feliciano shouted. Ludwig pulled on his collar and said "Stop yelling already. You're giving everyone a headache."

"Oh Ludwig." Yao said with a smile. "You sure are set on coming here every day. I wish my baby brother was as determined as you. Who's this?"

"I'm Feliciano! Nice to meet you!" Feliciano said with a smile and approached Yao. He grabbed one of his hands with both of his own and shook it.

"I apologize for him. Sometimes he doesn't get personal space." Ludwig said, pulling him back.

"Oh…Are you guys…Um…How do I say it?" Yao stuttered bashfully. His nervous smile gave it away. Gilbert burst out laughing and couldn't stop.

"Y-You mean dating?" Ludwig asked as he blushed.

"Yeah…hah hah." Yao admitted.

"We're not dating but we are best friends for sure." Feliciano said, completely unfazed by the assumption.

"Sorry about that." Yao said awkwardly. He looked down at his hands which were starting to twitch again. He buried them under his blanket and kept a smile on his face. "Even if the visitors aren't for me I'm happy they come anyways." he said.

"Ludwig, I'm trying to parallel bars on Sunday. Will you be there to see how awesome I'll be?" Gilbert asked. His younger brother was taken aback by the use of "awesome". It had been so long since the albino had used it but it gave Ludwig a little reassurance that he would get his brother back eventually.

* * *

"Antonio, should I take a demographics class?" Feliciano asked as he flipped through a booklet containing possible classes he could take in the fall semester.

"Do you want to?" Antonio asked.

"I…I don't know. Does the president have to deal with demographics?" he asked. Antonio shrugged and continued reading his book.

"Oh come on Tonio! There has to be something you know about it. Something grandpa told you before he died! Anything?" he asked.

"He said that if you weren't president he wanted us to sell the company." Antonio said without thinking.

"I-I know but…That's a lot of work. Does he really think that I can do it? I'm young aren't I? What if I do something wrong?" he asked.

"You'll be fine Feliciano." Antonio said. "I'm sure of it."

"I really thought that Francis would take over ya know…I know you didn't show interest in it but Lovino seems to hate business even more. I…nevermind." Feliciano said and sighed. He was going to say he never wanted to inherit his grandfather's company. He wasn't cut out for complicated mathematics and the tough world of business. He knew he was too soft but he didn't want to disappoint his late grandfather.

Antonio didn't know how to respond. He was caught off guard by Francis's name and Feliciano seemed so sad. He just stayed quiet.

"Hey guys." Lovino said as he walked into the dining room where they were sitting. "The um…the…the paycheck from the military came in for the month. I thought you'd like to know."

"That's nice." Antonio mumbled. Lovino sighed loudly and said, "I'm starving and I want lunch. I nominate Feli to cook."

"I nominate Lovino." Feli replied happily.

"I'm not cooking. It's getting too hot to make warm meals in the middle of the day in the kitchen." Lovino said, "I don't want to get all sweaty and shit."

"Why don't I cook then?" Antonio asked.

"Really? Would you!?" Feliciano asked.

"I guess I will." he said. As he stood up, he hit his side on the corner of the table and cried out.

Lovino reached his arms out but didn't know what to do. "W-What?" he asked nervously.

"I just hit the corner…really…really hard. I'm fine." Antonio said and held his right side. He hoped he didn't open any of his cuts again.

"Let me check-" Lovino said and grabbed Antonio's shirt. Antonio twisted his body away from Lovino and almost fell over in the process.

"No! Don't! I'm okay." he said holding his side. He stood up straight and winced again as a pang of pain rushed through his right side. "I-I just need to go to the restroom."

Antonio rushed to his bathroom and locked the door behind him. He lifted the side of his shirt to see that the table had opened one of the small cuts on his torso. He wiped away the blood and waited to see how much more was going to seep out.

"Antonio! Antonio are you okay?" Feliciano asked as he softly knocked on the door.

His older brother went silent for a moment before replying "Don't worry about me Feliciano."

* * *

"But there are more people here than usual." Gilbert said as he looked around nervously. Today was the day he was going to use the parallel bars but he was a bit self conscious. Ludwig was with him since it was a Sunday and there was no school. He knew that the normal Gilbert wouldn't give a second thought about who was watching but this man was a little different.

"It's okay. They have bigger matters to focus on rather than your success." Mathias said. He smiled.

Gilbert couldn't help but smirk. "He always knows what to say." he thought to himself.

"Why don't you let Ludwig help you walk over to the bars? I'll bring the wheel chair over in case you need it later." Mathias said and walked back into his small, temporary office.

"You've overcome bigger obstacles Gil. This will be no problem." Ludwig said as he supported him over his shoulder.

"It better be." Gilbert replied, "And look, your face is all better."

"Yeah, it was better a few days ago." Ludwig said. He wasn't smiling but he seemed calm to Gilbert. Inside he was actually a mess. Seeing his brother so unconfident really made him question a few things. But to keep his brother happy, he'd have to be happy.

"You need to keep both hands on the bars right now." Mathias said as he came over. "Ludwig, please stand on the other side of the bars. I'll be watching Gilbert from the side and guiding him. I want you there in case something happens."

"Something happens?" Gilbert asked as Ludwig slipped out from under his strong arm. He grabbed onto the bars tightly so his knuckles turned white. There was no rational reason to be afraid, but he was so jittery he couldn't stay still.

"Like if you fall. That's all. Hey look, I was a poet and I didn't even know it!" Mathias said with another dorky smile. This time Gilbert looked at him strangely instead of smiling.

Mathias nervously laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry, sorry. Let's start now. To take your first step, move your right hand forward and bring your left leg forward and take a step." he said. Gilbert followed orders perfectly. "Great! Now move your left hand forward and push off your left foot. Then move your right hand forward."

Gilbert was able to do this but the whole time he was biting his lip. When Mathias took a moment to write something down, he looked up and at the other people in the room. Yao was at the table again and was watching. When he noticed Gilbert looking right at him he smiled and gave him a thumbs up. He looked to his left and saw another young man who had glanced over. They made eye contact for all of a second before he turned away and back to the task at hand. Literally one hand, the other one ended short at a stump.

"Okay, last few steps by yourself at your own pace. Don't rush yourself." Mathias said. "It's just like walking except you are putting your pressure onto your right hand rather than a right foot."

Gilbert took in a deep breath as he moved forward on his own. His mind was buzzing with different things. How was this supposed to help? When was he going to get a leg? When could he walk? When would he be independent?

His arms started to get tired before he made it to the end. His elbow locked then crumbled suddenly. Ludwig was about to help him when Mathias held an arm out to stop him. Gilbert had gotten his balance again and was moving forward. He looked very frustrated though. Mathias stepped away from Ludwig and told him it would be a good idea to kneel down. Ludwig didn't know why but he did so anyways.

Gilbert was running out of bar to hold on to on his right side. His hand was near the edge. He was so apprehensive; his palms had been sweaty, making them slippery. His right arm jerked forward as he lost his grip. Instead of crashing into the floor, he felt strong, welcoming arms wrap around him as he collided with his brother.

He got a surge of memories from seemingly nowhere and he froze as they flashed across his mind. There was a thin woman hugging him tightly. He didn't see her face but he felt her love. Then there was a man hugging him in another memory. Except this one was related to something sad. His father was never emotional- He remembered. He remembered his father. This was the hug he gave him when his mother died. That woman from the first scene must've been his mother. Before he could think about it much longer, it was Roderich hugging him. From his handful of conversations with his estranged brother, he didn't seem like the hugging type. Something told Gilbert that this was before he went to war. Maybe it was the fact that he still had his leg. The next memory was of someone hugging him too tight. Too rushed, and too worried. He saw some brown hair and tanned skin. Must've been Antonio. Now, his leg was missing.

At this point he was overwhelmed with the emotions from the memories. At first it was cheerful, then mournful, loving, then concerned. But that wasn't the last of it. The last scene to flash before him was Ludwig hugging him again. It couldn't have been too long ago because Gilbert had his prosthetic leg. This time both of them were crying though. This was when he had just gotten off the plane back in the country. When he came back after years of serving in the military. And he remembered.

Ludwig didn't know what to expect and he didn't know how Mathias knew this was going to happen. When Gilbert fell towards him, it was instinct to reach out to him. His body was just as rigid as ever but this time he froze. Ludwig couldn't move away because Gilbert had his fingers digging into his shirt.

"Gilbert, are you alright?" Mathias asked and knelt next to Ludwig.

No response from Gilbert.

"Gil…" Ludwig muttered and moved his arms away from his brother. He felt tears dampening the front of his shirt. "Hey…Why are you crying?"

He looked up and despite his tears he was smiling. "I'm not cryin' because of whatever reason you're thinking of." he said, quoting himself from the past. "I'm crying because I remembered."

"R-Remembered what?" Ludwig asked.

"Not much but there was a lot of hugging. One of them was our mother and the other our father. But I remembered! And I walked a bit! I can do it!" Gilbert said with a smile. It took a moment for all this to process in Ludwig's head but he quickly smiled. He was happy that his brother was regaining himself. Even if it was going to take years, he would be content just knowing that Gilbert would be back to normal.

* * *

"Antonio, your brothers are worried about you. They think that you are isolating yourself more." Mathias said as he sat in front of Antonio.

"They're overprotective." Antonio said.

"Do you believe that you are secluding yourself on purpose?" he asked.

"No." Antonio replied.

"Do you ever fell like hurting yourself?" Mathias asked. Antonio was skilled at hiding his emotions. Time to play stupid.

"Hurting myself? Like how?" he asked.

"Like cutting, burning and even stabbing. Anything that hurts. Anything you don't deserve." Mathias said.

"No, I wouldn't." Antonio lied.

"Then you wouldn't mind showing me your wrists…?" Mathias suggested.

"W-What? Why?" Antonio asked.

"To make sure you aren't hurting yourself there." he said. Antonio frowned but held them out and pulled his sleeves up. "Look, there's nothing there."

Mathias smiled and said "Thank you. But I still believe that you may be a danger to yourself if you become too secluded. I want you to try something though. Here." He handed the tan man a thin rubber band.

"What's this for?"he asked and stretched it in his fingers.

"If you ever feel yourself detaching from reality. Or slipping into a flashback. If you want to hurt yourself or other people. Anything of the sort, I don't want you to take it out on others. It's very acceptable to talk about it openly and that's encouraged. But if you want to hurt yourself or other people can't help you, snap the band on your arm or something." Dr. Densen said.

Antonio looked at it and wondered if it would actually work. Then he doubted it, "It's just a stupid band. How is that supposed to help anything?" he asked.

"It's worked on others-"Mathias said. He just made a huge mistake.

"I'm not like the others." Antonio mumbled. He didn't know how to feel about the doctor's statement but he was uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry that was unprofessional. Forgive me. I've been having rough the last few days." he said. Another big mistake. This was supposed to be about Antonio's problems, not his own. What was wrong with him?

"Why don't we talk about that?" Antonio said. He'd do anything to get the attention off of him.

"I don't want to waste your time. This is your session-"Mathias said.

"I don't mind." Antonio replied. Mr. Densen gave him a concerned look but he plastered on a fake smile yet again. Mathias sighed and replied "I rather not talk about it." It was tempting to let it all out but Antonio didn't need more worries.

After a few more minutes, someone knocked on the door. The session had run long again even though Mathias wished it hadn't. Antonio didn't like it either but he didn't feel like he could stop or control it.

Mathias opened the door and his eyes widened in surprise. "L-Lovino. What are you doing here? I though Arthur was supposed to pick him up."

"Arthur is out of town and Feliciano is studying at the library downtown and said he couldn't leave because Ludwig and he have a big test on Friday." Lovino said blatantly. Mathias smirked and replied "I see. Well, we were just about wrapped up anyways."

"Hi Lovi." Antonio said.

Lovino gave him an odd look as if he was asking if he was okay. Antonio understood and nodded. "I need to talk with you Mathias…Privately."

* * *

Antonio went to wait in the car as his younger brother went to talk with his therapist. He reclined the passenger seat and closed his eyes.

"I love you." Francis said.

Antonio groaned and covered his face. Not this again.

"Don't forget me." the voice said again. It was barely more than a whisper but it was undoubtedly Francis. The thing is, these couldn't have been flashbacks because Antonio doesn't remember him saying things like that. I love you was a usual phrase but something made Antonio feel queasy. He didn't want to believe that this was his ghost or spirit following him, so he convinced himself it must've just been part of the memories he pushed to the recesses of his mind after the last battle.

"Please." he said.

Antonio stuck his hand in his pocket and grabbed the rubber band. He snapped it against his hand but he could still hear Francis. He snapped it against the inside of his elbow, which really hurt, but it didn't help. When it wouldn't stop, he stretched the elastic as far back as possible so he could hit his leg. Instead it slipped off his finger and snapped him in the eye.

"If you really wanted to talk you could have called." Mathias said. He knew Lovino took time off to talk in person. Arthur would've had his trip out of town planned and would have notified Lovino or Antonio beforehand.

"I don't think you are qualified to be a doctor." Lovino said. His calm tone was replaced by an impatient one as soon as Antonio closed the car door.

"Excuse me?" Mathias asked with a smirk.

"I see how you drink almost every night. I notice when you get drunk at the bar and Emil has to drive you home. Antonio might be clueless enough to never notice but I see that you're just an alcoholic kid with an addiction too much for him to handle." Lovino said with a grimace.

"Hey, I'm doing my job pretty well! I only got drunk twice and you're the one who keeps serving me drinks! I am not a child and I do not have an addiction. I'm working just fine and Antonio appreciates my help!" Mathias said.

"Says you." Lovino retorted. He didn't know what else to say and that was the first comeback that came to mind.

"Maybe if Antonio had a more supportive brother he wouldn't need my services." Mathias said.

"I-I am supportive! I try to talk to him and keep him busy! Of your 'services' really worked then he would be so sad all of the time!" Lovino said and threw his arms up.

"I can't cure depression! No 3rd party can! Antonio does need help but in the end, it has to be him that-" Mathias started.

"He has to what?! He needs to be the one to decide to make a change? He doesn't want to be depressed! If he could go back to being carefree and bubbly I'm sure he would. I know that's all I want for him! But…Fuck this! I won't say anything to anyone just stop drinking so damn much." Lovino said and made his way to the door.

"Believe me…if I could…I would have done it years ago." Mathias said sadly as he rested his head in his hands. Lovino stopped before exiting and almost said something. Instead, he slammed the door behind him as he made his way out.

* * *

"Hey, why are you crying?" Lovino asked as he entered the car.

"I hit myself in the eye with the rubber band." Antonio whined as he rubbed it.

"Oh…Okay…" Lovino said almost relieved. Antonio didn't cry often, fortunately, but he often looked like he was emotionless. Lovino didn't know that the emptiness hurt Antonio more than the mourning and suffering.

"Do you want something before we go home?" Lovino asked as he started the car. "Frozen yogurt? More books? Some tomatoes?"

"I'm tired. I just want to go home." Antonio replied, still rubbing his eye.

"I understand. Let's go." Lovino said.

* * *

When they arrived, they saw a familiar green car parked in the street. "Isn't that Belle's car?" Antonio asked.

"It is." Lovino said. He suddenly was wondering what his girlfriend was here for. She didn't have a key to their house though. She was waiting in the front for him on the porch. Her arms were crossed and she didn't have her usual smile on.

"Belle, what are you doing here?" Lovino asked as Antonio trailed behind.

"We need to talk." she said.

Lovino's heart dropped. Whenever a girl said that to him, it always ended up terribly. She noticed his expression change so she changed the subject. "Hello Antonio. How are you?" she asked with a smile.

"Very good." he lied and also smiled, "How long have you been here?"

"About ten minutes. I was going to wait to talk with you and Arthur for a while but I didn't know Lovino had a day off." she said, giving him a look. Lovino looked away. Antonio noticed the tension and said "We should all just go inside and have some lemonade or something. I put some in the fridge before we left."

A few minutes later and Belle was glaring at Lovino from across the table and Antonio got a few cups. "Lovino…let's talk. In another room please." she said, "Sorry Antonio, we'll have some lemonade in a minute."

They both went upstairs and locked the door behind them as they entered Lovino's room. His desk was a mess and was covered in random papers and books he should be studying for the final in the next few weeks. His bed wasn't made and the windows were dusty.

"I-I know where this is going a-and I just want to say I really love you and I'm s-sorry for whatever I did." Lovino said nervously. His head wasn't clear and his thoughts were racing everywhere.

"You don't return my texts for almost a week, you don't call back. We never go out anymore. Everytime I spend time with you you're really tired and don't have any patience left. We haven't kissed in almost a month! Lovino…what happened?" she asked. She seemed really upset for once.

"I-I don't know." he said.

"I've just been busy-" he started.

"I know, we're both busy. I know you have a job and I don't but you had today off and you didn't tell me! We could have spent time together." she said.

"I only had half the day off… and I wanted to spend time with Antonio." he said.

"You're the one who said you wished you could spend a little more time away from him!" she said. Lovino bit his lip and sat down on his bed. "I know, I know, but he needs me." he said.

"I need you too though. How is this going to work?" she asked.

"I don't know." he repeated.

"M-Maybe…Oh…" she said and let out a sigh.

"Why don't you just break up with me already?" he asked.

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

"No." he replied solemnly. "B-But why?! I didn't ask for this! Y-You don't know what it's like to have two brothers who go to you for emotional support when you can't even make sense of your own! When you can't pay enough attention to all of them! To be the most supportive person in their lives but be treated like a background character. I can't stand it anymore! It isn't right for you to break up with me like this! Because of this! You just don't fucking understand!" His tone started off very shyly but now he was practically shouting. He kicked his trashcan and sent the crumbled papers flying out of it as it hit the wall. Belle took a step away from him. She was used to his indirect anger and bouts of frustration. She understood that much, but now they were both blind to the other's concerns.

"Lovino." she said. Before she could continue he shouted "Don't 'Lovino' me!" He mocked her higher pitched voice. "If you can't understand this…If I can't understand you…then…then…" he stuttered as his a lump formed in his throat. His anger had resided into tears. His shoulder trembled as he quietly sobbed. Belle wrapped her arms around him and rested her head in the crook of his neck. He didn't move at all.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." she cooed. "I didn't want to make you angry. I don't want to break up either. I'm sorry I thought I deserved as much attention as Antonio does. He obviously needs you more."

"I'm sorry I shouted again. I…I shouldn't ignore you ever again just because Antonio causes problems. I love you." he whispered. He hated crying in front of her but he found himself doing it often.

"I love you too Lovi. We can make this work out. I promise." she said. He stopped crying and held her close. Then she pushed away from him softly and he let her move. She looked up at him but he looked away. His face was still read from his sudden crying just a moment ago. She smiled and was caught off guard when he kissed her. She was even more surprised when he slipped his tongue in. It was a happily received surprise though and she went along. The embrace wasn't as passionate as other kisses were but they would rebuild back up to that point soon enough. Instead of worrying about the future, they would focus on right now. The single moment where Lovino felt like everything would be okay.


End file.
